So over this crap... ugh.

My DH has a GBM of the spine... DX in March... We have a 13 yr old, 5 yr old and 6 week old- I was pregnant for the beginning of this, now I am "single Mom" to my kids- baby and infant of a husband... down to wiping his poop and cleaning up after his when he goes in his pants... plus he resents me I think- for not doting on him all day to his every whim, for not staying up all night with him and for paying attention to my kids. I do everyithing and he watches cooking shows, then complains when I'm not making gourmet meals for him when ever he decides something looks good... oh, and yah, I had a baby 6 weeks ago. Feeling over-worked and under appreciated here, big time. I've tried to talk to him about some of this, but he just gets more resentful and mean towards me.

According to the neurologist there is no tumor growth. He's steadily gone down hill and is not able to walk at all- he doesn't make it to the bathroom alot of the time- and that's the comode that is literally 6" away from his hospital bed and the urinal that sits on his bed side table. He has less feeling in his legs, and can barely stand long enough to pivot and get to the comode- he seriously falls over when doing this action.

Since his diagnosis he has just NOT gotten better- Every time he has treatment he goes into this sleep coma for a few days, has worse issues with bathroom and eating, his skin is splitting open on his abdomen because he doesn't drink enough and doesn't pee enough, he's miserable- all he does is watch TV- he sleeps durring the day while the kids are up and claims to be awake all night- I think he resents that I dont' sit up all night with him, but we have a 6 week old newborn, a 5 yr old and a 13 yr old that I am soely reasponsible for- along with his care... at all hours. It's a bit more than I can take- his mother was "helping" but the tension caused by her presence is high, and she judges my every step. She's taking a break for a while and will be back I guess later on??? I honestly just don't know.

Also- I am left to wonder where his decline is comming from? If the tumor hasnt' grown, why is he so affected? It's in his spine yet he's had seizures- even on anti-seizure meds... is it psychological? Is it from the treatment? Is he going to get stronger/better and HOW does one recover when one is this far gone physically? With every assistive device they give us, he seems to go even further backwards- from the cane to the walker to the wheel chair, from the regular bed, to the recliner, to the hospital bed, urinal and commode- he moves less and less- growing bed sores and leisions every step of the way. I get more frusterated every step, he grows weaker and less active in his life- and with his kids, every day. I ask myself if this is any kind of life to have??? Ugh.