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Mothers with cancer who have kids under 20

Posts: 11
Joined: Jul 2010

I am 45 and have a 5 year old, 16 year old and 20 year old. I just got diagnosed with IIIa adenocarcinoma lung cancer. My five year old barely gets it, my 16 year and my 20 year old is trying to be supportive. I feel terrible about leaving them all. Any one in same boat?

hartmann's picture
Posts: 26
Joined: May 2010

I am 41 years old and have 4 children. They are 13, 16, 22 and 25. I was diagnosed with stage 4 nsclc in January. I think the scariest part of having cancer is the possibility of leaving them when they are so young. They all cried when we told them but now they are just supportive. I just made sure that they know that I will fight this for as long as I possibly can. We joke alot and try not to take things so serious. If Im having a really bad day I just try not to take it out on them. It really helps that I have the best husband in the entire world. Try to spend as much quality time with them that you can. I hope this helps.

Posts: 11
Joined: Jul 2010

Thanks Penny. I just found out a month ago and my head is just spinning. It is hard to figure out who I am supposed to be in this. I feel so shocked that it is possible for me to miss out on such a huge chunk of their lives that I assumed I would be there for. Obviously, I am feeling sorry for myself. I sure hope that I can pull myself together enough to make the time I have with them meaningful.

Posts: 5
Joined: Aug 2010

I am 47 years old and have 3 children aged 8, 18 and 20. I was diagnosed with stage 3b nsclc in November 2009. My children don't really understand how sick I am because I have few symptoms and have been working and functioning almost as normal during and after chemo. I have had 1 cycle of chemo (6 infusions) between December and March and am now receiving Avastin every 3 weeks. I am going in for a CT scan tomorrow and am EXTREMELY nervous that the cancer has spread. I want to have as much time as possible to spend with my children, especially the youngest who needs me the most.

Posts: 11
Joined: Jul 2010

I hope the scan went well. Keep us posted.

Posts: 1
Joined: Oct 2010

Pardon me if am not correct, Are you the same person from Altadena, CA
Am Mina your ex-nanny/housekeeper, my email address is fuentesguillermina50@yahoo.com in case you are my dear Mara and want to contact me.

Thanks again for your time,
Mina Fuentes

NayPaul's picture
Posts: 230
Joined: Oct 2010

My wife was diagnosed with stage 4 NCSLC a few weeks after her 40th bday. kids are 11,9,7,5. They saw my mom die this summer of metastic breast cancer. So they get it, although since my wife does not seem sick, the youngest two don't have a concept of time

My wife's concerns are leaving them at a young age, making sure they have plenty of memories. Her other concern is that she will probably never have grandkids.

I have really tried to stress to my wife NOT to feel terrible. Her parents divorced when she was a teen, and she had a brother die in an accident. Those two incidents have come with her into our marriage and her outlook on life. To enjoy time together, and to make a strong marriage. As her and I have discussed, those strong feelings ONLY came through disappointment and pain. If the worst should happen, our hope is that our children use that pain to learn to cherish life and their families....

Overall, I think she,I and our children have handled this very well. We've tried to remember what many on this board have said, and that is that this is not necessairly a death sentence. We do have some time... What good is asking for extra time if we just sit around depressed and moping. Don't get me wrong, we have our moments, but overall, we want to CHERISH the time we are given not LAMENT the time we wish we had.

We continue to stay active. We are both self-employed so we still work full time plus, walk several times a week with at least one time per week being 4.5 miles.

People on this board have been right on with advice and support.

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