I Upset the Wife Today

Trew
Trew Member Posts: 931 Member
edited March 2014 in Prostate Cancer #1
I"m sorry I said it, but I did.

I said, if my PSA starts to go back up, I don't want any more hormone shots. I'm done with them. I should not have said it. It was insensitive to her feelings and fears about this PC thingie. I resolve to be more careful about how I speak of my treatment to her in the future. And perhaps just smile and take it. I am still having hot flashes all day long. It seems as this stuff wears off it hits harder. I am having some of the most intense hot flashes the last couple of months I have had since the first shot in Arpil 09. Very odd.
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Comments

  • Dr_Jeff
    Dr_Jeff Member Posts: 10
    Trew-
    You might want to

    Trew-

    You might want to consider medication such as Effexor to help with the hot flashes. My oncologist suggested it after she had good results treating her female patients. After a few weeks, my hot flashes became quite tolerable. Effexor is classified as an antidepressant, so it was also effective in giving me a bump with my mood. Good luck.
  • ob66
    ob66 Member Posts: 227 Member
    Same experience
    Trew: Had my Lupron 4 month shot on April 12. Two days later I headed to Europe, not knowing what was to happen after reading some experiences on the board. Luck had it that nothing happened. No flashes, no side effects, no nothing. Of course, if you think of it, at first the Lupron has the opposite effect, thus the Casodex, so maybe that has something to do with it. Like you, I am 3 1/2 months out, and the flashes are occuring very frequently and are intense (as in soaking wet---need a washcloth). A room fan helps even with air conditioning. Seems also like warm to hot showers, and warm weather precipitate the flashes. When you know that the lupron has a function you don't want it gone, but it's side effects are not pretty.
  • Trew
    Trew Member Posts: 931 Member
    ob66 said:

    Same experience
    Trew: Had my Lupron 4 month shot on April 12. Two days later I headed to Europe, not knowing what was to happen after reading some experiences on the board. Luck had it that nothing happened. No flashes, no side effects, no nothing. Of course, if you think of it, at first the Lupron has the opposite effect, thus the Casodex, so maybe that has something to do with it. Like you, I am 3 1/2 months out, and the flashes are occuring very frequently and are intense (as in soaking wet---need a washcloth). A room fan helps even with air conditioning. Seems also like warm to hot showers, and warm weather precipitate the flashes. When you know that the lupron has a function you don't want it gone, but it's side effects are not pretty.

    Its All about Quality vs. the Other choice
    In my mind I am moving more towards quality than longevity any more. I think it will take more than a nudge forward by my PSA to get my back on any hormone shot. My memory is still messed up, hot flashes continue, plus shrinkage and etc....

    Nope, I don't what any more hormone shots.

    Just jump me up to the top of the treatment cycle and do the chemo now- that is what I would want if and when the PSA starts to move.

    I"m 3 months past the end date of the last hormone shot and "m still burning off and on all day and all night. My Uro said to giv eit 9- 12 months to work out of the system.

    That said, I have felt an very gradual shift in my mood quality this week.

    Come on Normal!!
  • fathersson
    fathersson Member Posts: 121
    Trew said:

    Its All about Quality vs. the Other choice
    In my mind I am moving more towards quality than longevity any more. I think it will take more than a nudge forward by my PSA to get my back on any hormone shot. My memory is still messed up, hot flashes continue, plus shrinkage and etc....

    Nope, I don't what any more hormone shots.

    Just jump me up to the top of the treatment cycle and do the chemo now- that is what I would want if and when the PSA starts to move.

    I"m 3 months past the end date of the last hormone shot and "m still burning off and on all day and all night. My Uro said to giv eit 9- 12 months to work out of the system.

    That said, I have felt an very gradual shift in my mood quality this week.

    Come on Normal!!

    Trew

    Hang in there brother..We are in your court..
  • gumbyrun
    gumbyrun Member Posts: 58
    ob66 said:

    Same experience
    Trew: Had my Lupron 4 month shot on April 12. Two days later I headed to Europe, not knowing what was to happen after reading some experiences on the board. Luck had it that nothing happened. No flashes, no side effects, no nothing. Of course, if you think of it, at first the Lupron has the opposite effect, thus the Casodex, so maybe that has something to do with it. Like you, I am 3 1/2 months out, and the flashes are occuring very frequently and are intense (as in soaking wet---need a washcloth). A room fan helps even with air conditioning. Seems also like warm to hot showers, and warm weather precipitate the flashes. When you know that the lupron has a function you don't want it gone, but it's side effects are not pretty.

    Hot flashes - flaxseed?
    Friend of mine's doc recommended flax seed for the hot flashes. I guess you can get it as a "supplement" aka pill as well as seed form. We put the seeds in our cereal/yogurt, on french toast, etc.
  • newton60
    newton60 Member Posts: 4
    Trew said:

    Its All about Quality vs. the Other choice
    In my mind I am moving more towards quality than longevity any more. I think it will take more than a nudge forward by my PSA to get my back on any hormone shot. My memory is still messed up, hot flashes continue, plus shrinkage and etc....

    Nope, I don't what any more hormone shots.

    Just jump me up to the top of the treatment cycle and do the chemo now- that is what I would want if and when the PSA starts to move.

    I"m 3 months past the end date of the last hormone shot and "m still burning off and on all day and all night. My Uro said to giv eit 9- 12 months to work out of the system.

    That said, I have felt an very gradual shift in my mood quality this week.

    Come on Normal!!

    When I complained to my Uro
    When I complained to my Uro about the intense hot flashes after my second Lupron shot, he prescribed Megestrol AC 40mg tabs, half tab 2X day. Megestrol appears to be a harmone of the same type as Lupron, but over a few weeks the hot flashes gradually decreased to being just noticeable. I discontinued the Megestrol about 3 weeks ago (got last Lupron shot in March) and the hot flashes are coming back. Anyway, you might ask about it.

    By the way, I didn't know it would take 9-12 months for the Lupron to work off. Might go back on the Megestrol! Sitting through a 2 hour meeting, I will soak through my undershirt and have wet spots on my arms and chest, then get cold from the air conditioning. Talk about quality of life!

    Good Luck.
  • Trew
    Trew Member Posts: 931 Member
    newton60 said:

    When I complained to my Uro
    When I complained to my Uro about the intense hot flashes after my second Lupron shot, he prescribed Megestrol AC 40mg tabs, half tab 2X day. Megestrol appears to be a harmone of the same type as Lupron, but over a few weeks the hot flashes gradually decreased to being just noticeable. I discontinued the Megestrol about 3 weeks ago (got last Lupron shot in March) and the hot flashes are coming back. Anyway, you might ask about it.

    By the way, I didn't know it would take 9-12 months for the Lupron to work off. Might go back on the Megestrol! Sitting through a 2 hour meeting, I will soak through my undershirt and have wet spots on my arms and chest, then get cold from the air conditioning. Talk about quality of life!

    Good Luck.

    I don't know about Lupron- I
    I don't know about Lupron- I was on Eligard and got the 6-month shot injected into the stomach. I didn't pay that much attention to the first shot, but the second shot has taken 9 months to dissolve. And then maybe another 3- 6 months to get out of the system and let the pituitary gland kick back in and start getting signals to the testicles to turn on- if they still can. This PC thingie does get a bit complicated at times and seems to involve the entire body for some of us.

    Yuck! I"m flashing right now- AGAIN!!
  • Trew
    Trew Member Posts: 931 Member
    gumbyrun said:

    Hot flashes - flaxseed?
    Friend of mine's doc recommended flax seed for the hot flashes. I guess you can get it as a "supplement" aka pill as well as seed form. We put the seeds in our cereal/yogurt, on french toast, etc.

    Since rad I'm not doing too
    Since rad I'm not doing too well with much fiber in the diet. Shhhhh, but I am having a few complications with all this treatment stuff. I do not suffer very well, it seems. :)
    It is amazing my wife loves me so much!
  • JR1949
    JR1949 Member Posts: 230
    Trew said:

    Since rad I'm not doing too
    Since rad I'm not doing too well with much fiber in the diet. Shhhhh, but I am having a few complications with all this treatment stuff. I do not suffer very well, it seems. :)
    It is amazing my wife loves me so much!

    Thank God For Our Wives
    Thank God for our wives and the support they give us PCa guys. Of course we in turn love them right back and give them support when they are down.

    My wife supported me while I was dealing with the PC monster January through April 2009 especially. Then June 2009 through March 2010 I supported her while she was dealing with the recurrent melanoma demon. We are currently cancer survivors and thankful. Without the support of either of us for the other it would have been a very horrible experience.

    But that's what it's all about in a marriage...remember those wedding vows "in sickness and in health".
  • lew_in_marietta
    lew_in_marietta Member Posts: 14
    I'm pretty new to this, but
    I'm pretty new to this, but I'm already having disagreements with the wife. I've always gone out of my way to keep from upsetting her, but this is too important. It's my cancer and I'm going to make the decisions.

    Having said that, my sister-in-law's friend has started taking a supplement that he says completely stopped all his hormone side effects. I'm sure it's been mentioned here before, but I'll find out tomorrow and post it.

    Lew
  • Skid Row Tom
    Skid Row Tom Member Posts: 125

    I'm pretty new to this, but
    I'm pretty new to this, but I'm already having disagreements with the wife. I've always gone out of my way to keep from upsetting her, but this is too important. It's my cancer and I'm going to make the decisions.

    Having said that, my sister-in-law's friend has started taking a supplement that he says completely stopped all his hormone side effects. I'm sure it's been mentioned here before, but I'll find out tomorrow and post it.

    Lew

    Disagreements
    Well, I guess I gotta ask. . . Disagreements about what?
  • havit2
    havit2 Member Posts: 21

    I'm pretty new to this, but
    I'm pretty new to this, but I'm already having disagreements with the wife. I've always gone out of my way to keep from upsetting her, but this is too important. It's my cancer and I'm going to make the decisions.

    Having said that, my sister-in-law's friend has started taking a supplement that he says completely stopped all his hormone side effects. I'm sure it's been mentioned here before, but I'll find out tomorrow and post it.

    Lew

    It may be
    It may be your cancer and you should have the final decision but the stress and the outcome is hers to share. My wife attends every appointment with me, we discuss all options, and we share the stress and emotion together. Although I am the one with the disease today, it will be hers alone when it takes me away and I wont be there for her.
  • Trew
    Trew Member Posts: 931 Member
    havit2 said:

    It may be
    It may be your cancer and you should have the final decision but the stress and the outcome is hers to share. My wife attends every appointment with me, we discuss all options, and we share the stress and emotion together. Although I am the one with the disease today, it will be hers alone when it takes me away and I wont be there for her.

    Havit- I agree with you.
    Havit- I agree with you. Cancer is never the concern or problem of one person. With PC the type of treatment and after effects also affect the wife very much.

    Particularly in marrage- PC is a two-party cancer.

    that is just the way it is.

    That said, I am still more interested in quality or longevity. My wife and I are still discussing this from time to time.
  • ejn
    ejn Member Posts: 64
    havit2 said:

    It may be
    It may be your cancer and you should have the final decision but the stress and the outcome is hers to share. My wife attends every appointment with me, we discuss all options, and we share the stress and emotion together. Although I am the one with the disease today, it will be hers alone when it takes me away and I wont be there for her.

    Although it might be true
    Although it might be true that the wife suffers too all my wife wants to do is complain about how everything affects her. I have to disagree and say right now one week before surgery it is more about me than her and I cant stand to hear it. It is getting pretty bad and I doubt that she will even pick me up at the hospital. I know I cant leave without a ride and they wont let me leave in a cab. I have no family or freinds here since I have lived here for a short time. I wonder if there are any services available for a ride home from the hospital.
  • havit2
    havit2 Member Posts: 21
    ejn said:

    Although it might be true
    Although it might be true that the wife suffers too all my wife wants to do is complain about how everything affects her. I have to disagree and say right now one week before surgery it is more about me than her and I cant stand to hear it. It is getting pretty bad and I doubt that she will even pick me up at the hospital. I know I cant leave without a ride and they wont let me leave in a cab. I have no family or freinds here since I have lived here for a short time. I wonder if there are any services available for a ride home from the hospital.

    How lucky am I?
    I joined this group to share experiences and hopefully, someday, learn of some new miracle that will end this disease. All of us have different stages of this disease and handle the stresses and emotions differently. Although my cancer is advanced, it is currently being treated successfully. I am blessed to have a wife that not only shares my concerns and supports me emotionally, she has researched, adapted and shares in a diet which is more cancer friendly. Without her, any stage of this disease would be more difficult. Cancer has taught me to appreciate the many things in life that I always took for granted, I need to add another one to the list.
  • Trew
    Trew Member Posts: 931 Member
    ejn said:

    Although it might be true
    Although it might be true that the wife suffers too all my wife wants to do is complain about how everything affects her. I have to disagree and say right now one week before surgery it is more about me than her and I cant stand to hear it. It is getting pretty bad and I doubt that she will even pick me up at the hospital. I know I cant leave without a ride and they wont let me leave in a cab. I have no family or freinds here since I have lived here for a short time. I wonder if there are any services available for a ride home from the hospital.

    Ejn, I'd pick you up if I
    Ejn, I'd pick you up if I were closer.

    -Trew
  • HillBillyNana
    HillBillyNana Member Posts: 107
    ejn said:

    Although it might be true
    Although it might be true that the wife suffers too all my wife wants to do is complain about how everything affects her. I have to disagree and say right now one week before surgery it is more about me than her and I cant stand to hear it. It is getting pretty bad and I doubt that she will even pick me up at the hospital. I know I cant leave without a ride and they wont let me leave in a cab. I have no family or freinds here since I have lived here for a short time. I wonder if there are any services available for a ride home from the hospital.

    For Your Wife
    ejn, I am so sorry to hear that you are not feeling the support you need from your wife. It IS all about you right now, but apparently she doesn't know how to be what you need. I do hope you get a ride home from the hospital. I want to be every possible support for my husband. It is actually my turn to support him. He got me through breast cancer dx, surgery, chemo, radiation, and now I am happy to be there for him. I hope your wife will join this board discussion and maybe she can find what she needs to be a supporting partner for you during this time.
  • Skid Row Tom
    Skid Row Tom Member Posts: 125

    For Your Wife
    ejn, I am so sorry to hear that you are not feeling the support you need from your wife. It IS all about you right now, but apparently she doesn't know how to be what you need. I do hope you get a ride home from the hospital. I want to be every possible support for my husband. It is actually my turn to support him. He got me through breast cancer dx, surgery, chemo, radiation, and now I am happy to be there for him. I hope your wife will join this board discussion and maybe she can find what she needs to be a supporting partner for you during this time.

    Suggestions for EJN
    EJN: HillBillyNana has a great idea -- ask your wife to join the discussion here. I'll offer you this -- my wife read your posts and said if it would be helpful to your wife (and you) to discuss the "prostate cancer experience" from a woman's perspective, she would be happy to talk to her on the phone, via e-mail, or whatever. If you're interested, send me a private message and I'll give you a call.

    Tom
  • HillBillyNana
    HillBillyNana Member Posts: 107

    Suggestions for EJN
    EJN: HillBillyNana has a great idea -- ask your wife to join the discussion here. I'll offer you this -- my wife read your posts and said if it would be helpful to your wife (and you) to discuss the "prostate cancer experience" from a woman's perspective, she would be happy to talk to her on the phone, via e-mail, or whatever. If you're interested, send me a private message and I'll give you a call.

    Tom

    Same here
    Same here EJN.
  • lew_in_marietta
    lew_in_marietta Member Posts: 14
    havit2 said:

    It may be
    It may be your cancer and you should have the final decision but the stress and the outcome is hers to share. My wife attends every appointment with me, we discuss all options, and we share the stress and emotion together. Although I am the one with the disease today, it will be hers alone when it takes me away and I wont be there for her.

    I agree about sharing the
    I agree about sharing the stress and going through it together. I wasn't suggesting it didn't affect her. We've already been through similar things with my dialysis and kidney transplant. She's my rock. I was only pointing out that when deciding what to do when there are many options, if we disagree, the decision is mine. I don't want to live with a decision or treatment different than what I want just so I don't hurt her feelings.