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Struggeling caregiver

Posts: 1
Joined: Jun 2010

My mom is 75 and has stage IV cancer. Breast cancer with mets.
I live 50 miles away from her, but have become her primary caregiver. She does have hospice nurses that visit everyday, but she lives alone and tries to manage daily living on her own.
I have a sister who will not help at all. She is incredibly selfish and self centered. She Does not want to be bothered by any of it. Leaving it all for me. Doctor appointment, shopping for her, cleaning for her, among other things.
I am exhausted and overwhelmed. My mom has miraculously survived for four years since her diagnosis. She is very sick, but determined to hang in there.
I have a part time job, I am a full time college student, and have two kids of my own. I am trying to juggle all of it with no help from anyone.
I love my mom, but as horrible as this sounds, sometimes I wish it was over and I could have my life back. I almost feel disappointed sometimes when she is having a good day because I wonder how much longer this is going to go on. It is exhausting, and I hate watching her suffer. She gets plural effusions from her cancer and has difficulty breathing. She sometimes has horrible pain from her tumors. I am so tired and sometimes don't want to answer the phone when my mom calls, because I know she will ned something and I am the only one who will do it for her.

grandmafay's picture
Posts: 1639
Joined: Aug 2009

I am sorry you are struggling. Don't feel guilty for you feelings. Caregiving is a tough job even without all the other responsibilities you are juggling. Give yourself some slack. Ask hospice if you can get some additional help. They often have people who will shop or run other errands. You might also want to consider having a home health care provider come in a couple of days a week or invest in a weekly cleaning service. You can't change your sister or count on her. Try to let that anger go. You don't have to like her. We can't pick our relatives. If you haven't already, go to the caregivers board here. It has a lot of people going through similar situations and a lot of good ideas. Take care and hang in there, Fay

Posts: 27
Joined: Feb 2010

iam sorry u have to go through all this by youre self.but she si right are he is let it go count on youre friemnds and ffamilyand hospice and if youre family dont want to help the orhers will.juust go with gods plan he will work it out for us.hang in therier

Posts: 1
Joined: Apr 2011

From what I have been told hospice will help with everything you mentioned. My mothers nurse worked for hospice for 3 years and said they will clean, go shopping, come sit with her, and help with anything you need. You need to call either her dr. or hospice and tell them you need help.

I am in a simular situation with my mother and brother, except my mom lives with me and I am married. I have had the same feelings when I got "good" news. It is so hard to be the only one that is willing to help, but yet you still need to take care of you. Call the American Cancer Society and ask them if they can help. I talked to a woman who works there today and she said there is so much out there that people just don't know about and don't think to ask. My mother is not ready for hospice and I have been doing all this on my own with 5 kids and I need help, and she said they can help. Their number is 1-800-227-2345 give them a call and hopefully they can lead you in the right direction.


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