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Scared Lonely and confused

zinniemay's picture
zinniemay
Posts: 534
Joined: Mar 2009

Feb 2009 my husband was told he had throat cancer, March to May 1 he had Chemo (Cisplatin) and radaition. Seam to do good. Dec they notice nudules but said that every one has them but since he had cancer they would keep a eye on it. Feb 2010 We were told they looked to have grown. but to small to do a biopsy, In May he had the biopsy, it is cancer, they now say it is the same as the throat cancer that it spread,. The Doctor told him he had a year with out treatment two with, so we went to another doctor who said that he had six months? That radaition could not be done because it is on both lungs. The Chemo they used Cisplatin would not be used since it did not cure it. But they would do chemo. We go next week back to Ann Arbor to see what can and should be done. We are so very alone. We have two adult children. That is about it. very few friends, and our families are not close. The support groups that they have are 25-30 miles one way. We are so lost. It is like the word cancer speads fear in the few people we do know. We both are just drained. I cry for him he crys for me.
How can we over come this feeling of hopiless.

cabbott
Posts: 1048
Joined: Aug 2006

Another option to a support group with arms is finding a support group online. You might try the chat room. There are folks there from all over that can share their experiences and listen to yours.

You also need to try the board for throat cancer. I know it has spread to the lungs, but it is still probably throat cancer. The treatments you would need have to work with throat cancer and that may differ than the kind that works on lung cancer. The folks on the throat cancer board may have some ideas your doctor doesn't know.

When I first was diagnosed with cancer, feeling hopeless and helpless was a real problem. Finding a treatment plan helped. Talking to survivors helped. Knowing what I was up against helped. Sometimes I thought about the worst possible scenario(me dying and leaving my son--then 10--to grow up without a mom). I suppose that should have made the helpless feeling worse, but when I started to plan for the worst, somehow I felt a bit more in control. He's 18 now and I'm still around, so it's been awhile since I was diagnosed . A friend of mine was diagnosed with an aggressive breast cancer about the same time. She also visualized what the worst would be in her case: leaving her husband of many decades without a helpmate. They went to the lawyers and updated the will. Then they spent the time they had left making memories together. She left, but not before she had a chance to do as much as she could to take care of things. She said it was hard, but knowing that she had done all she could to settle the estate and face things realistically helped her relax. She ended up living 2 1/2 years longer than the doctor gave her and she was active right up to the end.

So do plan for what could happen. Make memories every day. Don't limit yourself to a doctor's timeline. Do get ideas from other survivors. And good luck!

C. Abbott

nikkey31
Posts: 2
Joined: Jun 2010

Please don't feel alone. Somehow , we are ALL in this together. I live in Atlanta, ga. My mom probably felt the same as you. All of my other siblings live in another city, so All of the burden was on my mom & I had to be her support. So I had to be strong for her & my daddy. I never cried in front of either of them. And I tried my darnest to keep them smiling & laughing, however my dad ( the biggest joker ever) stop laughing @ my jokes, and even stopped smiling. He was in Pain & none of us knew what that felt like. But it HURTTTTT so bad to see him go thru this. Man, I just wish i had more time with him. But I do know that knowing that I did everything that God had for me to do for him , during his dying months & before is what's important. So , I say to you , you are a wonderful Wife,and u Are NOT ALONE.... Your husband isn't ALONE. Please involve your adult kids, give them the option of being there.Just Pray. Pray as often as possible. I don't know you all, but I share your pain. You still have your husband. God can heal anybody. And I pray for strength & healing for you & him, in the name of JESUS....Amen.

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