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Am I being odd and how do I handle this?

Posts: 146
Joined: May 2009

I am going up from FL to NJ in Sept. (probably) to take Don's ashes to the family plot. I have been looking forward to that time to rest, see the places we love, relax.

The oldest, who's been very nice to me, wanted to come with her three children and make it a family trip, but I told her I needed that time alone. Disappointed Don's son, also, as he hoped I'd pay for him to come along.

The only thing I did think of doing was taking two trains and public transportation to have dinner in MA with my family. That fell thru because they were all tooooo busy to do that. Too busy all of Sept., too busy in August, etc., etc., etc.

A friend I chat with online said she'd drive 3 and a half hours down from PA to spend a day with me and that would have been fine, a nice break, not long, a distraction. She's always been supportive.

However, now she's talking about coming with her husband and child for 2-3 days. They would arrive earlier on the day I fly in -- I won't get in until 9ish. I plan on church the next day and also expect to be tired from traveling.

Mostly, I just don't want company that long. I have traveled alone before. I like the idea of setting my own schedule and not having to watch the time, compromise what I feel up to doing, etc.

Is this odd of me? How do I tactfully explain that a day is fine, but no more than that?


Tina Blondek's picture
Tina Blondek
Posts: 1566
Joined: Nov 2009

Hi Ruthelizabeth!
Ugh! I am stumped too. I am curious, originally being from NJ myself, where will you be placing Don's ashes? I would just tell your friend the truth. I am sure she would understand. Tell her that you will meet up with them sometime Sunday after church. If she does not understand, then she is not much of a friend anyway. Sounds like you have been put through the wringer by friends and family lately....The heck with it, go by yourself and enjoy your alone time. Have a safe trip and check back in with us when you can. Thinking of you.

Posts: 146
Joined: May 2009

I'm originally from Martinsville. Don is from Neptune. I'll be staying in Ocean Grove where we stayed for Don's fiftieth high school reunion last July.

If you know Ocean Grove, you know how peaceful and pretty it is. I will probably rent a car for part of the time to see places we enjoyed together like Delicious ORchards in Colts Neck or Allaire State Park, but I'm looking forward to quiet walks among the Victorian houses, browsing in the little shops on Main Avenue and sitting in the park, listening to organ music from the auditorium. Neighboring Asbury Park is so very different from the way it used to be and isn't totally safe although the board walk has improved slightly. Ocean Grove, however, is still a lovely place where I'll be fine walking in the evening and sketching if I feel like it.

Thanks, Tina. Where are you from?

grandmafay's picture
Posts: 1639
Joined: Aug 2009

You have earned the right to do this your way. Tell you friend the truth, that this is a step forward in your grief process and that you need time to yourself. As I have said before, we each need to grieve in our own way and our own time. Also, we have to make our own decisions and right now it's ok for some all about me time. We deserve it. It's nice that you are comfortable traveling alone. I'm not. We do have a family trip planned, and I have another planned with my two oldest grandchildren and friends. Maybe some day I will be able to take off by myself. I envy you that. Take care and safe travels. Fay

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