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please help re mood swings

Posts: 2
Joined: May 2010

hi everyone,
im here because i dont know where else to go for help.
i met a man 3 months ago,
it was love at first sight for both of us and we have been so close,until this weeekend,
he is a cancer survivor .bladder cancer
he was the most outgoing funny loving romantic man ive ever met ,and i was wrapped up in this new love and have never been so happy,

on sunday evening we talked and he was not him self,its been painful to talk to him as i couldnt understand where the mani knew had gone.
i spoke to him yesterday, he had had 2 rows with his brother and also been biting heads off at work.

he said we should cool off and let him get back to his old self.
so i told him i would not contact him in any way but i will be there for him if he needs me.

can any one tell me is this an after effect of the cancer.
i really cant believe someone can change so much in a day,

what should i do .is there anything i should have said or done to help.

i really am finding it so hard ,
thank you all xxx

Tina Blondek's picture
Tina Blondek
Posts: 1566
Joined: Nov 2009

Hi Kitten and welcome to this site. How long ago did he have the bladder cancer? Did he have surgery? Chemo? Radiation? It all of this has been recent, I would say maybe it is a reaction from the cancer. If not...he is just being a typical man. It is all good in the beginning, and then for some reason they get scared, think they are going to be tied down to one woman, they want their freedom. They become undecided, but they do not know how to communicate this, so they act the way he is acting. Also age plays a major role. If he is under the age of 30, he has a lot of years to mature. Just let him go, do not be so available for him when he comes to his senses. Go have fun with your friends. Hope this helps. I have been married for 18 years now, this happened to us in our first year of dating. I let him go, within a month he was back! Good luck. Let us know how things turn out.

Posts: 2
Joined: May 2010

yes surgery and chemo.he has a stoma
hes just a fortysomething,
i spoke to him last nite and he says he wants us togeather but is struggling with his head at moment.hes off for a walk today to try to sort out some stuff ,and will talk to me tomorrow, i dont think hes a typical male,but then ive been wrong before lol.
i just wondered if anyone out there who has had bladder cancer and a stoma has shut people out before,all i can do is be here for him if he decides to come out of his "cave" xx

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