cancer=life

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crovn
crovn Member Posts: 22
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
Lately I feel like my whole life has been consumed by cancer. My mom was diagnosed 10 months ago, but lately it just seems like everything I do has to do with cancer. What good can cancer bring? Maybe the family closer together? I know for a fact it made me more patient with my mom. Everytime someone talks to me it is either, "How is your mom?" "How are you handling things?" I really don't want to talk about it 24/7. There is so much more to me then just my mom having cancer, and me going through some of my own things.

Well, that is what I need to vent!

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  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #2
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    Cancer
    Cancer really is a cancer in our life. It does seem like it consumes so much of us. I learned from my husband during his cancer fight how to change the subject. He would always ask the other person questions about their life and really listen to the answers. Most people seem to like talking about themselves. From there he would move into other topics. He also had a couple of hobbies and he would spend time talking to people who shared those interest on the phone. After he passed away I received a couple of calls from these hobby people who didn't realize that he was Ill or at least not that Ill.

    Oh, venting is good, and this is a good place to do it! Take care, Fay
  • nancyann3
    nancyann3 Member Posts: 173 Member
    #3
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    Cancer is consuming
    I understand what you are saying. Seems like your whole world revolves around cancer and you seem to stay in that world because as a caregiver you figure you have only one shot at helping your loved one and you don't want to miss out on any info or anything that may help.
    But, there are times when you feel like you cant here that word one more time! And you want to say, look people, I am here too!! I matter!!

    I am the sole caregiver to hubby with EC and our two children and work full time. Closest family is 600 miles away. I also have my days, where I wonder if I can remember what life was like before the big C!!

    Take care and thanks for listening to me vent!!
  • AKAngel
    AKAngel Member Posts: 74 Member
    #4
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    nancyann3 said:

    Cancer is consuming
    I understand what you are saying. Seems like your whole world revolves around cancer and you seem to stay in that world because as a caregiver you figure you have only one shot at helping your loved one and you don't want to miss out on any info or anything that may help.
    But, there are times when you feel like you cant here that word one more time! And you want to say, look people, I am here too!! I matter!!

    I am the sole caregiver to hubby with EC and our two children and work full time. Closest family is 600 miles away. I also have my days, where I wonder if I can remember what life was like before the big C!!

    Take care and thanks for listening to me vent!!

    I agree!
    It seems like the life I had before my mom had cancer is so far away now. It was easier in some ways when I was still employed (got laid off at the end of January) and could still interact with people that didn't know the personal details of my life. Now, I've got 2 very good and supportive friends, and of course all the wonderful people here...but not much talking amongst the family, as mostly they cause stress than stress-relief.
    But I've refered to it in Star Trek terms...we are Borg: my mom, my dad, and I. I am designation 3 of 3. When I am away from the Borg, it feels odd. When I don't try to assimulate people into the Borg( i.e. constantly talk about my mom and the cancer), it feels odd. But then my human counterpart drifts to the surface and I realize that I've got to do things for myself, to talk about things non-cancerous, to be me again. Unfortunately it never lasts long enough for the me to fully assert itself again.
    So here I am, 3 of 3.
  • augigi
    augigi Member Posts: 89
    #5
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    nancyann3 said:

    Cancer is consuming
    I understand what you are saying. Seems like your whole world revolves around cancer and you seem to stay in that world because as a caregiver you figure you have only one shot at helping your loved one and you don't want to miss out on any info or anything that may help.
    But, there are times when you feel like you cant here that word one more time! And you want to say, look people, I am here too!! I matter!!

    I am the sole caregiver to hubby with EC and our two children and work full time. Closest family is 600 miles away. I also have my days, where I wonder if I can remember what life was like before the big C!!

    Take care and thanks for listening to me vent!!

    I don't know how people keep
    I don't know how people keep working when they are the sole carer of someone with advanced cancer. I would love to, because I am badly missing my work and my work friends, but my mother is in a different country. I finally decided I needed to go to dinner and a movie with a friend this weekend, just to get out of the house because I was so frustrated and resentful this past week, it all got to me. Of course, I got home feeling better to mum saying "Gee, thanks for saying goodbye" (I tried and she was asleep). She said she didn't need anything and turned off her light so I left her to it, already deflated from my good night. Then the next day, of course she hadn't put her morning pills out of taken them by lunchtime, so was in agony - and it was my fault, for going out and not getting her things ready (she said she had everything organized when I got home and asked...).

    Sigh. It really freaking sucks when someone you love becomes a "patient" and acts like it.
  • crovn
    crovn Member Posts: 22
    #6
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    augigi said:

    I don't know how people keep
    I don't know how people keep working when they are the sole carer of someone with advanced cancer. I would love to, because I am badly missing my work and my work friends, but my mother is in a different country. I finally decided I needed to go to dinner and a movie with a friend this weekend, just to get out of the house because I was so frustrated and resentful this past week, it all got to me. Of course, I got home feeling better to mum saying "Gee, thanks for saying goodbye" (I tried and she was asleep). She said she didn't need anything and turned off her light so I left her to it, already deflated from my good night. Then the next day, of course she hadn't put her morning pills out of taken them by lunchtime, so was in agony - and it was my fault, for going out and not getting her things ready (she said she had everything organized when I got home and asked...).

    Sigh. It really freaking sucks when someone you love becomes a "patient" and acts like it.

    It is definitely hard trying
    It is definitely hard trying to have some fun times of your own, but it is not your fault when they forget to take medicine or do something. It might seem like it is, but it isn't.

    Hope you finally find time for yourself without worries!
  • crovn
    crovn Member Posts: 22
    #7
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    AKAngel said:

    I agree!
    It seems like the life I had before my mom had cancer is so far away now. It was easier in some ways when I was still employed (got laid off at the end of January) and could still interact with people that didn't know the personal details of my life. Now, I've got 2 very good and supportive friends, and of course all the wonderful people here...but not much talking amongst the family, as mostly they cause stress than stress-relief.
    But I've refered to it in Star Trek terms...we are Borg: my mom, my dad, and I. I am designation 3 of 3. When I am away from the Borg, it feels odd. When I don't try to assimulate people into the Borg( i.e. constantly talk about my mom and the cancer), it feels odd. But then my human counterpart drifts to the surface and I realize that I've got to do things for myself, to talk about things non-cancerous, to be me again. Unfortunately it never lasts long enough for the me to fully assert itself again.
    So here I am, 3 of 3.

    I feel the same way about
    I feel the same way about just thinking about what life could have been like. Sometimes I think, "How would it have been different?"

    That is great you have people you can talk too! I went through a time when I thought no one could possibly understand the things I am going through and work out in my life. I did find a friend though, and she has been there for me even when I think things are all going wrong. You should continue talking to those friends, even if they don't understand it could just help you vent to them. Coming on here helps a lot too!

    Hope:)
  • crovn
    crovn Member Posts: 22
    #8
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    nancyann3 said:

    Cancer is consuming
    I understand what you are saying. Seems like your whole world revolves around cancer and you seem to stay in that world because as a caregiver you figure you have only one shot at helping your loved one and you don't want to miss out on any info or anything that may help.
    But, there are times when you feel like you cant here that word one more time! And you want to say, look people, I am here too!! I matter!!

    I am the sole caregiver to hubby with EC and our two children and work full time. Closest family is 600 miles away. I also have my days, where I wonder if I can remember what life was like before the big C!!

    Take care and thanks for listening to me vent!!

    Sometimes you do feel like
    Sometimes you do feel like you are somewhere lost in between this whole thing. It is very hard to try to feel important, when you are caring for someone who needs you the most. Sometimes people just don't get how much the caregiver loses of themselves during this situation. I guess all there is to hold on to is HOPE and FAITH!

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