Venting and Praising

Wow what roller coaster. So much has happened in my life this past few months. Now that I am done with Chemo. HOORAY, I am feeling more anxious? CANCER IS SO FRUSTRATING. I know I am lucky. I had this tiny little bump, no bigger than the size of my little fingernail, for months. Did exactly what the dr said and had it checked out by a surgical oncologist. FNB's, all okay. Ultrasounds all okay, mammo okay. It was there almost a YEAR! Being checked out.
I was told it was a fibroidadenoma. I asked if it was something that "turned" into Cancer and was told NO! It probably was all along. Still I was stage 1 Ductal Invasive. I felt lucky because though it has been there so long, I was still only stage 1. Then the next suprise..... I'm her2+. I asked if they did or would do an ONCO test. They said no. It wouldn't matter. I assume it is because I am her2+? Then I read about diet/nutrition, my onco said you cant eliminate soy completely from your diet and that I could have chinese food once in awhile, just dont go crazy with the soy sauce. The frustration is there are so MANY DIFFERENT OPINIONS out there. You dont know what to do? Then some say it's okay to take tomoxifen while doing Rads, then some say it is dangerous? What do you believe? How do you have confidence in anything? Then there is the pre-menopausal-or menopausal. They cant even agree on that? I was having regular cycles until my second chemo. I am having pains through out my body and start getting worried. What is it? Did it spread while on chemo? Did it not work? I'm having a re-excision to get wider margins, even though my margins were clear but close. I want clear and far away! Now I also have to change my anti-depression meds. From ZOloft to Effexor? I understand why but how? My Med Onco says just stop taking one and start taking the other? However, most say dont just stop taking those types of drugs. I'm so confused. I developed a seroma in my left breast which they will deal with during my re-excision. Has this happened to anyone? The seroma is in the inner side of my breast. The cancer was (hopefullY Was) in the outer lower part of my left breast. Just confused and scared right now. In the past few months, there has been one family who lost two family members within 2 weeks. One had cancer, went for his first Chemo, they did a scan after and he died. His father passed less than two weeks later. He too had cancer, but he died of a heart attack. My neice-in-law, just lost her Dad (57) this past weekend to liver cancer. They gave him two weeks. He made it three days. My Dad is very ill and there is nothing more they can do for him and we dont know how long he has. I'm sorry for venting. I felt like all I had was bad news. I know God is in control. I know I have to learn to let go. I just feel so out of control. I am usually the one that takes care of things and I cant do that right now. Thanks for listening. And to think I havent even started on tomoxifen which they say causes mood swings. LOL!