Hi its me Michelle

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angelsbaby
angelsbaby Member Posts: 1,165 Member
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
I just want to say that you are all in my thoughts daily,and wishing good health. It was ayear on friday the 16 that angel died and yesterday was the day he was buried my mother in law stayed with me all week she leaves today i will miss her. we made alot of trips to the cemetary so she could be close to her son and i was more than ok with that. I have been doing ok but this past week has made me sad but my life goes on . I put two new pictures up on my exspession page now that i know how to do it .We are at buddy stubbs harley for opening day of az bike week. It was getting really hot we left at noon. but those two angels are my life right now and they don't mind a bit to be at grandmas house in the weekends.

take care

michelle
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  • msccolon
    msccolon Member Posts: 1,917 Member
    #2
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    cute pics!
    It's hard to believe it's been a year; it sounds like you are making it through as the strong woman that you are. I hope that each day makes it less painful for you and that your memories are happy and pull you through the days that aren't so good!
    mary
  • AnneCan
    AnneCan Member Posts: 3,673 Member
    #3
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    Hi Michelle,
    I wasn't on the
    Hi Michelle,

    I wasn't on the board while Angel was here, but I have truly enjoyed your posts + your support of everyone on the board. I am truly sorry for your loss; it sounds like Angel was your soulmate + I know you must really miss him. That is really nice that your mother-in-law spent the week with you. The two little angels on your expressions page are beautiful. Take good care of yourself!
  • lisa42
    lisa42 Member Posts: 3,625 Member
    #4
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    Hi Michelle
    Hi Michelle,

    Thoughts and prayers go out for you today- thank you for sharing what's been going on and your feelings. I'm sure it's been a tough year, but you are one tough lady, too. Glad your MIL spent the time with you. Blessings to you in your future and happy Harley riding!

    :),
    Lisa
  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    #5
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    Seems Like Only Yesterday....
    But it must seem like a lifetime to you, Michelle.

    I can't believe it's been this long - I came to the board in June 2009 and picked up after you had lost your beloved Angel - I've been followig your story and sharing your life ever since then.

    You've been through so much and it's great to see how you are handling things and keeping your feet moving forward. Never having experienced this, I can't pretend to know how you feel, but I certainly know this just has to be one of the hardest things in the world to have to go through - that and the death of a child - has to be 1 and 1a on the list to be sure.

    You're a valued member here - I've enjoyed getting to know you and hearing from you.

    And if I never knew anything else about your story, what I'll always remember is:
    "Angel really liked his beer."

    May the days be better for you as each one passes. How's your brother? How's the granddaughter?

    Love ya/Craig
  • dorookie
    dorookie Member Posts: 1,731 Member
    #6
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    Missing Angel
    I never got to meet him even though we lived somewhat close, but he touched me and so did you Michelle. I think of Angel more times then I can tell you, just walking by one of my motorcycles, and without fail when I get on to ride it. Call me crazy, but I just know he is watching and hopefully smiling, I am sure he is laughing too, I just got a new bike and its a bigger one, and well lets just say I know angel is laughing about my last ride...LOL

    My prayers are with you as always, Michelle.

    God Bless you
    Beth
  • Jaylo969
    Jaylo969 Member Posts: 824 Member
    #7
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    Grandchildren
    Very good pictures!Your Grands are so precious.

    Best wishes to you Michelle.

    -Pat
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    #8
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    Thanks for sharing with us
    Michelle,

    You do sound stronger now, but I know you still miss Angel so very much. I'm glad you didn't have to be alone this week.

    *hugs*
    Gail
  • geotina
    geotina Member Posts: 2,111 Member
    #9
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    Hey Michelle
    Glad to see you posting and that you picked up my pm last week.

    Glad the grandkids are keeping you busy, they are really cute.

    Take care - Tina
  • Shayenne
    Shayenne Member Posts: 2,342
    #10
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    geotina said:

    Hey Michelle
    Glad to see you posting and that you picked up my pm last week.

    Glad the grandkids are keeping you busy, they are really cute.

    Take care - Tina

    Hi Michelle!
    My sister was born on April 16, not that we talk anymore, but I also love seeing you post, you are one of our biggest supporters out there, and appreciate everything you have to say. The grandchildren are beautiful, as you are. You are so beautiful, inside and out, and I can feel Angel in you each time you post. I really do, I can't read one of your posts without thinking of Angel not there, because he is there! and always will be.

    How is your family doing, and especially your brother, has he been well? Is he still fighting this ugly beast as well? I know it's in his brain, but cancer is cancer, no matter where it is. Tell him we're praying for him as well, and hope he is well.

    Love seeing you here!

    Hugsss!
    ~Donna
  • angelsbaby
    angelsbaby Member Posts: 1,165 Member
    #11
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    Shayenne said:

    Hi Michelle!
    My sister was born on April 16, not that we talk anymore, but I also love seeing you post, you are one of our biggest supporters out there, and appreciate everything you have to say. The grandchildren are beautiful, as you are. You are so beautiful, inside and out, and I can feel Angel in you each time you post. I really do, I can't read one of your posts without thinking of Angel not there, because he is there! and always will be.

    How is your family doing, and especially your brother, has he been well? Is he still fighting this ugly beast as well? I know it's in his brain, but cancer is cancer, no matter where it is. Tell him we're praying for him as well, and hope he is well.

    Love seeing you here!

    Hugsss!
    ~Donna

    Thanks everyone
    My brother is doing very very well ned right now he gets a cat scan every 6 week . thanks for asking donna,And i hope you are doing well too. Beth congrats on your new bike and i know angels is crusing with you. take care

    huggs

    michelle
  • sharpy102
    sharpy102 Member Posts: 368 Member
    #12
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    angelsbaby said:

    Thanks everyone
    My brother is doing very very well ned right now he gets a cat scan every 6 week . thanks for asking donna,And i hope you are doing well too. Beth congrats on your new bike and i know angels is crusing with you. take care

    huggs

    michelle

    wow Michelle
    Wow Michelle...I've been here before Angel left, and even when he left, and even after...how did you survive a whole year? I still think I will not make it till the end of June when mom left...I'm still not over it...I still hate everything and everyone...I still hate how I have feelings...I still hate how I cannot forget...I admire you...you are soooo strong....and here I am, making everyone an enemy of myself, being a jerk, and rude to my teachers, my classmates and just angry and angry and ANGRY...and I cannot stay at home for more than an hour otherwise thoughts fill my head and I would break down in tears...so, I just take off and wonder around the city on my bike so that I'm busy and not thinking...you are great! Tell me how did you forget? How did you put it back to the past where it supposed to be belonging to?
    - Sophie
  • angelsbaby
    angelsbaby Member Posts: 1,165 Member
    #13
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    sharpy102 said:

    wow Michelle
    Wow Michelle...I've been here before Angel left, and even when he left, and even after...how did you survive a whole year? I still think I will not make it till the end of June when mom left...I'm still not over it...I still hate everything and everyone...I still hate how I have feelings...I still hate how I cannot forget...I admire you...you are soooo strong....and here I am, making everyone an enemy of myself, being a jerk, and rude to my teachers, my classmates and just angry and angry and ANGRY...and I cannot stay at home for more than an hour otherwise thoughts fill my head and I would break down in tears...so, I just take off and wonder around the city on my bike so that I'm busy and not thinking...you are great! Tell me how did you forget? How did you put it back to the past where it supposed to be belonging to?
    - Sophie

    Thanks
    but i had no choice, i have to go on just like life i hated it at first but as time goes on it is not that painful just the lonleness I did go to my dr at first because i was crying and pulling my hair out dr said i have to much on my plate, gave me some meds and i have gotten alot better with my hair pulling.The first months were a blurr. But i don't want to forget my life before angel got sick i think the memories that help me. I lost my mom when i was 24 yrs old it took alot longer to get over her death i don't know why.I wish i had more words of comfort.Take care of yourself try to remember how much she loved you and all the good times you had.

    michelle
  • maglets
    maglets Member Posts: 2,576 Member
    #14
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    angelsbaby said:

    Thanks
    but i had no choice, i have to go on just like life i hated it at first but as time goes on it is not that painful just the lonleness I did go to my dr at first because i was crying and pulling my hair out dr said i have to much on my plate, gave me some meds and i have gotten alot better with my hair pulling.The first months were a blurr. But i don't want to forget my life before angel got sick i think the memories that help me. I lost my mom when i was 24 yrs old it took alot longer to get over her death i don't know why.I wish i had more words of comfort.Take care of yourself try to remember how much she loved you and all the good times you had.

    michelle

    michelle
    I remember every painful post Michelle....both you and Angel went through so much. I too can hardly believe it is a year....we survive...you have survived...I am sure it is very very difficult for you.

    I so admire people who have stayed on...to help others...perhaps gain some support for themselves...I do believe what goes around comes around...you have done a great job Michelle....thank you for sticking with us

    big big hugs

    mags
  • angelsbaby
    angelsbaby Member Posts: 1,165 Member
    #15
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    maglets said:

    michelle
    I remember every painful post Michelle....both you and Angel went through so much. I too can hardly believe it is a year....we survive...you have survived...I am sure it is very very difficult for you.

    I so admire people who have stayed on...to help others...perhaps gain some support for themselves...I do believe what goes around comes around...you have done a great job Michelle....thank you for sticking with us

    big big hugs

    mags

    Thank You
    All of you are so wonderful to me, i couldn't have come this far without your support

    michelle
  • Shayenne
    Shayenne Member Posts: 2,342
    #16
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    angelsbaby said:

    Thank You
    All of you are so wonderful to me, i couldn't have come this far without your support

    michelle

    We Love You...
    I so worry about what will happen after I die to with my loving hubby and kids. That's what scares me the most. But what I know I do want, is for them to go on and be happy. If I knew they were not happy, hurting themselves, were very angry and took it out on everything, I'd be pissed off! That's not how me, or even angel or anyone would want their loving caregivers to move on, do you think that's how they want you to be? NO WAY! They want to see smiling faces, and enjoying life as they would have, they are just enjoying it elsewhere for now, so until you all meet again, you must take care of yourselves as well and not be angry, this is not what we would want you to be, if you all need someone to talk too, I'm here, maybe a therapist, maybe some anti-depressants may help, but I know the feeling of losing people I have loved, and I know they would want me to move on and be happy, they would turn over in their graves if they knew I acted out, which I did for awhile as well, but I did get myself together, and now know I will see them again, death is just another part of the life cycle.

    Hugsss!
    ~Donna
  • angelsbaby
    angelsbaby Member Posts: 1,165 Member
    #17
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    Shayenne said:

    We Love You...
    I so worry about what will happen after I die to with my loving hubby and kids. That's what scares me the most. But what I know I do want, is for them to go on and be happy. If I knew they were not happy, hurting themselves, were very angry and took it out on everything, I'd be pissed off! That's not how me, or even angel or anyone would want their loving caregivers to move on, do you think that's how they want you to be? NO WAY! They want to see smiling faces, and enjoying life as they would have, they are just enjoying it elsewhere for now, so until you all meet again, you must take care of yourselves as well and not be angry, this is not what we would want you to be, if you all need someone to talk too, I'm here, maybe a therapist, maybe some anti-depressants may help, but I know the feeling of losing people I have loved, and I know they would want me to move on and be happy, they would turn over in their graves if they knew I acted out, which I did for awhile as well, but I did get myself together, and now know I will see them again, death is just another part of the life cycle.

    Hugsss!
    ~Donna

    I
    Love you too.

    michelle
  • kristasplace
    kristasplace Member Posts: 957 Member
    #18
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    Hi Michelle!
    I, like everyone else on here, am just stunned it's been a year since Angel passed! If it feels like yesterday to me, i can only imagine how it feels for you. I'm so glad that you're doing well, and that your mother-in-law is able to come stay with you during this time of year. I have always loved (and benefitted from) your posts.

    I still hope we can meet someday, possibly at a colonpalooza? I can't make the one this year, but i'm going to do everything i can to make it next year, no matter where it is. I'm voting for Hawaii, or San Diego!

    Much love,
    Krista
  • kristasplace
    kristasplace Member Posts: 957 Member
    #19
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    sharpy102 said:

    wow Michelle
    Wow Michelle...I've been here before Angel left, and even when he left, and even after...how did you survive a whole year? I still think I will not make it till the end of June when mom left...I'm still not over it...I still hate everything and everyone...I still hate how I have feelings...I still hate how I cannot forget...I admire you...you are soooo strong....and here I am, making everyone an enemy of myself, being a jerk, and rude to my teachers, my classmates and just angry and angry and ANGRY...and I cannot stay at home for more than an hour otherwise thoughts fill my head and I would break down in tears...so, I just take off and wonder around the city on my bike so that I'm busy and not thinking...you are great! Tell me how did you forget? How did you put it back to the past where it supposed to be belonging to?
    - Sophie

    Sophie, you ARE a strong
    Sophie, you ARE a strong person. I've always told you i thought you were a much stronger person than you give yourself credit for. You took care of your Mother, and you were there for her through this horrible illness, and you were still just a child! I don't know any kids who could do that! No one will blame you for being angry, but at some point, you must let go of it, and start taking care of yourself. I remember how it was when you were in the thick of it, and there was a lot of complacent people who refused to help her, and left you alone to deal with much of it on your own. And after all that effort and care, your Mother still passed. Who wouldn't be mad as hell?? But you deserve to be happy, and you deserve to have love in your heart again. I don't imagine you're getting much support where you are. I'm so glad that you continue to come here and post. I hope that we're of some benefit to you. I can tell you that your story always humbled me.

    I'm giving you and Michelle a HUGE cyber hug right now!

    Much love,
    Krista
  • kmygil
    kmygil Member Posts: 876 Member
    #20
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    Hard to believe
    Hi Michelle,

    It is really hard to believe that it's been a year since Angel died. You have been so strong throughout, to the point of offering so much support to others even through your grief. I am lighting a candle and offering a prayer for you and Angel tonight.

    Much love,
    Kirsten
  • angelsbaby
    angelsbaby Member Posts: 1,165 Member
    #21
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    kmygil said:

    Hard to believe
    Hi Michelle,

    It is really hard to believe that it's been a year since Angel died. You have been so strong throughout, to the point of offering so much support to others even through your grief. I am lighting a candle and offering a prayer for you and Angel tonight.

    Much love,
    Kirsten

    Kirsten , Krista
    Thanks, And if you ever want to visit phoenix i have a extra bedroom you are all welcomed

    love michelle

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