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Sonia32's picture
Posts: 1078
Joined: Mar 2009

Hello family,

Some of you know from my facebook status what's going on with me. A friend who I met through Macmillan has been told if her bowels don't start working she will die, they can't operate on her, can't give her chemo, the cancer has hit her for the third time and is apprently sitting on top of her small intestine. She can't eat anything other then peeled grapes, she is putting her affairs in order, but I'm just so scared. It's just as if something would happen to anyone of you, especially Donna, Lisa, Craig it would just hit me so hard. I'm thinking of seeing her this weekend it will be the first time we have met. I don't want to regret that if she passes and that I have never met her, like you all she has supported me through so much. Just want to be there for her, but I'm afraid on how I'll cope after she's gone, especially as you all know with my depression and how bad its been. Time to pray, ask for strength and guidance. Think I just need a hug so any virtual hugs or prayers would be appreciated.

pluckey's picture
Posts: 484
Joined: Jul 2009

Sonia - I'm praying for the strength you need to get you through this. Go see your friend. sit with her, hold her hand, pray. No regrets. Survivor's guilt is probably a common struggle for all of us dealing with this illness. You may surprise yourself and NOT be depressed after visiting your friend, it may give you renewed hope or peace or SOMETHING, just thru the act of giving.

Whatever you decide, don't feel bad or guilty.


Shayenne's picture
Posts: 2370
Joined: Jan 2009

Big cyber hugs to you, and how hard it is to have a friend who isn't doing well. I pray she passes her bowels, and all goes well, but if it doesn't, I will pray for your new friendship to be at the next level, and you can still talk to her through prayer, and as I do, I talk to my mom as if she were still here, she is all around me, I can feel her, and I know you are a strong woman who just needs that lift as we all do, and know we're here for you, and keep on going, don't let this disease take you! keep your mind focused on the more positive things in life, like your family here that loves you.

Hugssss and Love,
~Donna, your sister!

Posts: 3692
Joined: Oct 2009


This is a tough one for you. I am sorry your friend, + consequently you, are going through such rough times. It is hard to know what to do, but if you are up to it, you may actually feel better after this visit - you will have helped someone in need. Maybe make sure if you decide to this that you have someone to help you after the visit; you might need a shoulder to cry on, these things are hard.

Sundanceh's picture
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

Hi Sonia

I'm so sorry about your friend - it's very hard when you hurt for someone real bad, but are unable to help them get better. What you can do though, is be a good friend - talk with her - laugh and cry with her - the most important thing is to share with her.

Life is made up of memories - those are what we take with us when it's all said and done. If something were to happen to her, you could take forward all of those memories that you and her made and cherish those for a lifetime. In this way, a part of her will LIVE on in you, Sonia.

I don't pretend to know why some of us make it, while others do not. When we make connections with people, we get our feelings involved and then when something bad happens, it really affects us. But that's what makes you Human. Your heart and soul have reached out to this person, and you have been put in a place right now to be of comfort and help to her in her hour of need. So, you "pay it forward", Sis - and you'll be amazed at how you will have made a difference, not only in her life - but in YOURS too!

And those are the days worth living for, that I've talked with you about so much.

"Chin up - Off you go..."

Take care, Sis:)

Posts: 198
Joined: Nov 2009

I am sorry for what you are going through. I know for me I have to really concentrate on letting things go that are not in my control. Keep the Faith and I am praying for strength for you.

5678dance's picture
Posts: 39
Joined: Mar 2010

So sorry you are going through this. I just went through the same thing. One of my former dance partners and best friends was dx'd with lung cancer a month before I was dx'd with colon cancer. I knew his was worse, as they found it too late. I lost him two months ago. I was hoping we could battle side by side, but it was too late for him. It was so hard to let him go! I knew he was suffering, and I was not, at least not as much as him. I wanted to take some of that away from him, but it was just not meant to be. I am remembering all of he good times we had, and am celebrating the fact that I had him in my life for as long as I did.

Big Hugs to you!! You will make it, and keep the good memories alive!


karguy's picture
Posts: 1024
Joined: Apr 2009

I'm sorry about your friend.You should try to meet her,but don't feel guilty for being a surviver,you should survive so that more people remember her,and she won't be forgotten.Thats what I'm trying to do for my relatives,and friends that I lost.I will pray for you and her,and send good vibes.Miracles happen every day,don't lose faith.

abmb's picture
Posts: 311
Joined: Sep 2009

Sorry to hear about your friend. I feel the best you could do for her is support her and Pray for her. If you have the chance to meet, that would probably be good for both of you. You could probably pick up her spirits by just visiting. I will keep you in my thoughts and Prayers.

Kerry S's picture
Kerry S
Posts: 607
Joined: Dec 2009

I lost a very close friend of 30 years to colorectal cancer last November. Her name was also Sonia.

She fought this crap for 6 years and was never NED. I know the deep guilt feelings you can develop. Here I was doing damn good, while I talked with my Sonia about getting hospice involved with her problems. It also scared the hell out of me at the same time as if the grim reaper was saying “your next sucker”.

We are all allowed to get down a little, but the bottom line in this war says we have to just get right back up and back into our own battle. We can’t permit our positive attitudes to diminish with our grief. I know if I do, I will die of this crap and that is not about to happen as long as I have a damned ounce of energy left in me.

Toughen up - do it for my Sonia

tootsie1's picture
Posts: 5064
Joined: Feb 2008


I'm so sorry about this. I am praying you will have the strength to meet her and know what to say and do. I know it will be very difficult.


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