How to deal with hubby that wont try.

nancyann3
nancyann3 Member Posts: 173 Member
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
Looking for advice on how to deal with hubby that has just shut down.
He is newly diagnosed EC. Has had a stent placed and first round of chemo. He just keeps losing weight and is so withdrawn. He has no pain. The esophagus is open and food will pass. The sore scratchy throat has even gotten better. He has gotten to the point of refusing any kind of food. He will only take the liquid meals like ensure and boost..etc.
I know the weight loss is a lot of his ill feeling and the chemo adds to it. I have tried to explain that he would feel some better if he would take more nutrion, but he wont.

Any ounce he has kept on him has been from my drive for him to eat. I really hate nagging all the time and always hear that the caregiver shouldn't nag, but what do you do when the pt. wont do it themselves? Nutrition is important. He has lost a good 60lbs. He just wants to sit or lay and not be bothered. Wont leave the house. He don't want to be touched.

Will this pass?..Is it part of the acceptance process?.....I am trying so hard to understand.

Thanks

Comments

  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #2
    Life Changing
    First, I am sorry that you are now a part of the cancer family. A cancer diagnosis is a life changing event for both of you. Those first few weeks are so hard. I think most of us caregivers do nag. We try so hard to fix them and encourage the care receiver to take better care of themselves. I used to remind my husband that I wouldn't nag him if I didn't love him. My husband liked ensure mixed with ice cream to make a shake. That gave him a few extra calories. Your husband may just need time to come to grips with his new normal. Cancer is scary for many, but treatments are improving every day and many are surviving. My guess is that you are scared, too. That's ok. Hang in there, and know you are not alone. Fay
  • Tina Blondek
    Tina Blondek Member Posts: 1,500 Member
    #3
    grandmafay said:

    Life Changing
    First, I am sorry that you are now a part of the cancer family. A cancer diagnosis is a life changing event for both of you. Those first few weeks are so hard. I think most of us caregivers do nag. We try so hard to fix them and encourage the care receiver to take better care of themselves. I used to remind my husband that I wouldn't nag him if I didn't love him. My husband liked ensure mixed with ice cream to make a shake. That gave him a few extra calories. Your husband may just need time to come to grips with his new normal. Cancer is scary for many, but treatments are improving every day and many are surviving. My guess is that you are scared, too. That's ok. Hang in there, and know you are not alone. Fay

    Your Husband
    Hi Nancy and welcome to the caregivers board. From one caregiver to another please know that you are doing the best you can. You are doing everything you can for your husband. Someone has to nag him, it might as well be you! I think we get better results when we speak to them in different ways. They do not like the fact that they are not in "control" of themselves. It is better if you make a suggestion. Suggest that he eats one thing or another. This way he can be the one to make the decision. Try not to "tell" him what he needs to do. Have the dr or the nutritionist tell him. They seem to listen to others better than listening to their main caregivers.

    I recently lost my dad to ec/liver cancer. He put up a good strong fight, but once it went to his liver, that was the beginning of the end.

    Communicate with your husband as much as you can. Give him hugs. Tell him how much you love him, and want to help him. Start writing a journal. This helped our family tremendously. Some "men" find it easier to express their feelings on paper, than in person. Good luck to you. Keep us posted. You can also go to the ec discussion board, it will prove to be very helpful to both of you.
    Tina

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