Done working for a while

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Steve Z
Steve Z Member Posts: 51
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
I finished my 10th FolFox treatment last week, and I'm not recovering as quickly as in the past. Neuropathy is more prevalent. I was tired of going to work coming home and lying on the couch and being an observer of my family instead of a participant. I asked my doc if they would approve me being out for my last month of treatments. They were surprised I lasted this long and thought I should take two months. My first reaction was, “I want to feel better in a month, it shouldn't take 2". Now I'm thinking what the heck. I've worked her 17 years take advantage of the benefits and appreciate the flexibility my company has provided. I have to rid myself of the guilt and sense of failure.

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  • AnneCan
    AnneCan Member Posts: 3,673 Member
    #2
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    Steve,
    You have not failed;
    Steve,

    You have not failed; you have succeeded beyond what most of us can (working while on treatment). I truly hope you will take your time off + rejuvenate; it will make such a difference not to have to worry about work for awhile. Try not to feel guilty, as guilt can lead to stress! Enjoy the family.
  • dianetavegia
    dianetavegia Member Posts: 1,942 Member
    #3
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    Steve, side effects continue
    Steve, side effects continue to occur for a month or more after tx stops. Take the 2 months and by the 3rd month, you'll feel 90% better!
  • greybeard64
    greybeard64 Member Posts: 254
    #4
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    Failure??? not even close!
    Yes you need to rid yourself of that feeling, you are by no means a failure. I couldnt/didnt pull off what you did. I did Okay for awhile myself and then man it just wiped me out. Dont beat yourself up over this. I did the same thing on a number of occasions as far as thinking I should be handling this better then I was. I would be in the onc office for chemo or a blood draw, whatever, and I would see all these people most of which were older then myself seemingly handling this much better then I was. I ended up actually passing out walking across the street because I wasnt paying attention to my body and resting when I should. My wife was with me and of course I scared her to death, along with myself for that matter. The point is you are not a failure nor should you feel guilty. Everyone is different, rest when you need to rest, forget the "macho" crap so to speak, take care of yourself and you and your loved ones will benefit!
  • mark440
    mark440 Member Posts: 63
    #5
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    Steve
    I know how you feel..Ive worked at my job for 23 years and I took 6 months off...I am going to make the best of my remining 11 treatments... on my good days we plan on going camping , and going to see the Tigers play Minn. on july 9th 10th..opening day is a little more than a week away.. Nothing wrong with resting yourself and watch a ballgame or two...Enjoy the "GOOD" days... I am trying!! LIVESTRONG! my friend..
  • maglets
    maglets Member Posts: 2,576 Member
    #6
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    mark440 said:

    Steve
    I know how you feel..Ive worked at my job for 23 years and I took 6 months off...I am going to make the best of my remining 11 treatments... on my good days we plan on going camping , and going to see the Tigers play Minn. on july 9th 10th..opening day is a little more than a week away.. Nothing wrong with resting yourself and watch a ballgame or two...Enjoy the "GOOD" days... I am trying!! LIVESTRONG! my friend..

    Steve
    Steve anyone who finishes 10 oxy is NOT a failure.

    Take some time and give yourself a wee break.....no guilt

    mags
  • Jaylo969
    Jaylo969 Member Posts: 824 Member
    #7
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    I can identify...
    Steve, my paycheck stopped the day I went to the doctor with a painful stomach....Oct.15, 2009. I had the most wonderful job taking care of my own Father who is on Hospice and VA paid me. I would have taken care of him anyway but the stipend bought the groceries and gave me 'mad money'.I don't qualify for any disability, welfare....nothing.

    I have gone through the guilty feelings, the sense of failure and have come to the conclusion that it is wasted energy to beat myself up over things I cannot change. I'll just try to change the things I can.

    I'm so glad you have the advantage of taking some time off with benefits. Try to make the best of it. Chemo is rough for most of us. I had to discontinue the folfox after 5 rounds, got on Xeloda and thought, "wow! this is gonna' be easier...now I can consider going back to work". Nada! Unfortunately Xeloda doesn't like me either.

    Best wishes.
    -Pat
  • coloCan
    coloCan Member Posts: 1,944 Member
    #8
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    Jaylo969 said:

    I can identify...
    Steve, my paycheck stopped the day I went to the doctor with a painful stomach....Oct.15, 2009. I had the most wonderful job taking care of my own Father who is on Hospice and VA paid me. I would have taken care of him anyway but the stipend bought the groceries and gave me 'mad money'.I don't qualify for any disability, welfare....nothing.

    I have gone through the guilty feelings, the sense of failure and have come to the conclusion that it is wasted energy to beat myself up over things I cannot change. I'll just try to change the things I can.

    I'm so glad you have the advantage of taking some time off with benefits. Try to make the best of it. Chemo is rough for most of us. I had to discontinue the folfox after 5 rounds, got on Xeloda and thought, "wow! this is gonna' be easier...now I can consider going back to work". Nada! Unfortunately Xeloda doesn't like me either.

    Best wishes.
    -Pat

    SteveZ:There are times you gotta take a break to recoup from the
    damage done to you from your lifesaving treatment; its just too powerful. I was defeated by the fourth round this time at it, the remaining chemo was(is) without the Big "o"-oxy. I've also been fortunate that I was able to retire with pension/health plan having worked 33+ years at Civil Service(mid-upper mgmt position) job so once I hit 55, two days later"give me my pension". Less than four years later: cancer.......
    I admire anyone able to continue to work while undergoing this treatment!!!!No way I could-ve continued working (had COPD and last 10 years on midnights, 10-`12 hours, no OT cos mgmt)after chemo/radiation/surgery. Aint as strong as some of you here.......from one steve to another......
  • coloCan
    coloCan Member Posts: 1,944 Member
    #9
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    Jaylo969 said:

    I can identify...
    Steve, my paycheck stopped the day I went to the doctor with a painful stomach....Oct.15, 2009. I had the most wonderful job taking care of my own Father who is on Hospice and VA paid me. I would have taken care of him anyway but the stipend bought the groceries and gave me 'mad money'.I don't qualify for any disability, welfare....nothing.

    I have gone through the guilty feelings, the sense of failure and have come to the conclusion that it is wasted energy to beat myself up over things I cannot change. I'll just try to change the things I can.

    I'm so glad you have the advantage of taking some time off with benefits. Try to make the best of it. Chemo is rough for most of us. I had to discontinue the folfox after 5 rounds, got on Xeloda and thought, "wow! this is gonna' be easier...now I can consider going back to work". Nada! Unfortunately Xeloda doesn't like me either.

    Best wishes.
    -Pat

    laptop keeps duplicating on me
    can't erase dup so i edited it.....
  • Shayenne
    Shayenne Member Posts: 2,342
    #10
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    Jaylo969 said:

    I can identify...
    Steve, my paycheck stopped the day I went to the doctor with a painful stomach....Oct.15, 2009. I had the most wonderful job taking care of my own Father who is on Hospice and VA paid me. I would have taken care of him anyway but the stipend bought the groceries and gave me 'mad money'.I don't qualify for any disability, welfare....nothing.

    I have gone through the guilty feelings, the sense of failure and have come to the conclusion that it is wasted energy to beat myself up over things I cannot change. I'll just try to change the things I can.

    I'm so glad you have the advantage of taking some time off with benefits. Try to make the best of it. Chemo is rough for most of us. I had to discontinue the folfox after 5 rounds, got on Xeloda and thought, "wow! this is gonna' be easier...now I can consider going back to work". Nada! Unfortunately Xeloda doesn't like me either.

    Best wishes.
    -Pat

    Never A Failure!!!
    Just getting up to go to work is a huge step while doing chemo! good lord, I can't even get out of bed to go to the bathroom or even want to take a shower at times! I have to really push myself, and I know how much you pushed yourself to even get up and go to work, that's rough! You should be proud of yourself! I couldn't do it, I don't know how anyone does it, those are some strong people, but it's even stronger to want to leave your job for you and your family, don't forget, being with them is more then a job, they would love to have more of you with them, they are what's important, you and your family, and you feeling better is also more important. I don't think your job would treat you better then them. They'll take care of you, and have fun with you, you have to heal yourself, it's more important now. I know it financially kills you at times, but you will get through it, we always do, we have our utilities being shut off left and right here, my van is about to be repoed, but they'll have to wait in line for their money, my kids have to eat, amd they need clothes and shoes, the schools need this and that, that's more important to me. I felt like you for a good while, but you know those priorities and them just gloating that you're still with them here is of more importance, you'll be ok!

    Hugsssss to you!!!
    Donna
  • HollyID
    HollyID Member Posts: 946 Member
    #11
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    Steve...
    I have nothing to add. I think you've done really well and haven't failed anyone. I can't imagine working 40 hours a week on folfox. I do work, but not for few days after chemo. Like Donna, I can barely get off the couch to shower. Your thinking was spot on. Take 2 months off and see how that goes. There should be no guilt. You've worked hard and you're going through cancer treatment. That right there should entitle you to no guilt and no failure!!
  • Paula G.
    Paula G. Member Posts: 596
    #12
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    Oxy
    You have not failed. That is awful stuff. Hope it has done the job and kicked the cancers butt. Take the time to recover.

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