Thank for BD wishes + misc. thought

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tgf
tgf Member Posts: 950 Member
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Thank you all for the birthday wishes.

It seemed like a rather "odd" couple of days though. It was on March 13th last year ... my 65th birthday ... that I had my first chemo. I specifically chose that date to start because I was telling myslef it was a new beginning. Anyway ... I did just great through chemo (taxol/herceptin) and radiation ... but I continued the herceptin every 3 weeks until a year was up ... so my last herceptin was last Friday ... the 12th. The young male nurse who did the infusion made a comment about how glad I must be to have it over with ... and I told him I wasn't really. Instead I had the feeling of being left "alone" to fend for myself. For over a year I'd had professional/medical people take care of me and my cancer. Now ... no one was going to be treating me ... (other than tamoxifen) ... and all they would be doing is monitoring my condition and the rest was up to me an my body. I have to go back every 6 weeks to have my port "flushed" ... but that doesn't involve any treatment. I almost wish I had to go back more often and they could infuse me with water ... I don't care ... I just want someone to do something besides me taking pills. I know that sounds stupid because I should be glad I got through it all ... with no major side effects ... but ... "it" snuck up on me once ... and I'm afraid "it" will sneak up on me again. I'm sure that's perfectly normal ... and each and every one of you feels the same ... but I'm just a bit surprised that I'm not the least bit relieved or happy to have finished my treatments.

I did try to celebrate the completion though. Kohls was having a huge sale so after my infusion I headed over to see what they had. I ended up SAVING $211 ... of course I spent $171 ... but ... I got a bunch of really neat stuff that I never would have gotten if I'd had to pay regular price. So ... Happy Birthday to me! Oh and ... on Saturday my 90 year old father and step-mother took their little girl (ME!) out to celebrate my 66th birthday. They love Olive Garden ... so of course that's where I wanted to go ... and I totally stuffed myself.

Thanks again for all of your birthday wishes ...

love you all!

teena

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  • natly15
    natly15 Member Posts: 1,941
    #2
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    Happy belated birthday! Glad
    Happy belated birthday! Glad you treated yourself to a $211 savings. That's my kind of shopping.

    I think I understand where you are coming from. I have one more infusion and on to rads. This cancer has monopolized my life since last May. I should be nearing completion of treatment by June. All of this has recently hit another area of my emotions. I see an add on tv or article online or in the paper regarding cancer and it brings a tear to my eye. this has been happening the last 2 weeks. I think it is finally sinking in. I look at myself bald, no eyebrows, and feeling fatigued and week and say to myself, yes this is you and this is whAt you've been thru. It's sobering. I was quite emotional at the start having to answer everyone's questions, but now they are no longer asking me which is fine, and here I am by myself fighting a nasty beast and praying all this treatment has done the job for me.

    Sorry to vent on your b'day page, but very happy you celebrated 66 years of life. By the way, Olive Garden aint too shabby. I would have stuffed myself too. :)
  • Christine Louise
    Christine Louise Member Posts: 426 Member
    #3
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    Support is wonderful
    It sounds scary to suddenly not have any medical treatments after so long. Maybe joining a support group and/or exercise group would help that "left alone to fight it by yourself" feeling?

    I feel abandoned by my sweet and kind breast surgeon since my mastectomy. She is done with me and has passed me on to the oncologist and plastic surgeon, as it has to be. In the emotions of my diagnosis, surgical decisions and all, I somehow got emotionally dependent and bonded to her. It feels like another "loss."

    Happy birthday to you! I'm going to plan a Kohl's celebration, too. Sounds like a great idea!
  • laurissa
    laurissa Member Posts: 773
    #4
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    I know what you mean
    I'm being passed along from doctor to doctor. Radiologist is next, then thats all. Once you get cancer, it's with you, the feeling that you'll always have it. Wondering if there's still some stray cells lingering. It will be a long time before I feel cancer-free.
  • TraciInLA
    TraciInLA Member Posts: 1,994 Member
    #5
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    Not stupid at all!
    Teena,

    What you're saying doesn't sound the least bit stupid! I felt so abandoned and adrift when I finished rads, and it was just me and that Tamoxifen pill every day.

    I still look at that little pill and think, how can it possibly be fighting cancer? Shouldn't they still be infusing me with something, or testing me every single day, or radiating me, or doing SOMETHING that involves big expensive medical equipment? I mean, this is CANCER, for God's sake -- I'm expected to believe that this little pill is gonna stand between me and cancer?

    When I finished treatment, I didn't feel the least bit like celebrating. But I'm so glad you took the opportunity of your birthday to indulge in some retail therapy!

    Here in Los Angeles, with all our Fancy Pantsy restaurants, chain restaurants are considered a little de classe by some -- but I love Olive Garden, too! And...shh, don't tell anyone...Black Angus!

    :-) Traci
  • New Flower
    New Flower Member Posts: 4,294
    #6
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    TraciInLA said:

    Not stupid at all!
    Teena,

    What you're saying doesn't sound the least bit stupid! I felt so abandoned and adrift when I finished rads, and it was just me and that Tamoxifen pill every day.

    I still look at that little pill and think, how can it possibly be fighting cancer? Shouldn't they still be infusing me with something, or testing me every single day, or radiating me, or doing SOMETHING that involves big expensive medical equipment? I mean, this is CANCER, for God's sake -- I'm expected to believe that this little pill is gonna stand between me and cancer?

    When I finished treatment, I didn't feel the least bit like celebrating. But I'm so glad you took the opportunity of your birthday to indulge in some retail therapy!

    Here in Los Angeles, with all our Fancy Pantsy restaurants, chain restaurants are considered a little de classe by some -- but I love Olive Garden, too! And...shh, don't tell anyone...Black Angus!

    :-) Traci

    Teena
    I am glad that you took opportunity to celebrate! Your feelings are very understandable and I am sure everyone have experienced them.
    Being in care of physicians for 1 year and now you are on your own! First of all you probably will see your oncologist every three months for two years. They will take blood, and examine you. Tamoxifen suppose to protect too. But every survivor need to take care of their body. Nobody knows for sure what cause cancer , so it is difficult without being paranoid to find a balance and have a normal life within our new reality. I hope will hear from long time survivors how they have been overcoming this dilemma.

    Take care of your self and celebrate your free of cancer life.
    New Flower
  • aztec45
    aztec45 Member Posts: 757
    #7
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    I Am Glad
    I am glad you went out and had some fun. Shopping is good medicine, isn't it. I hear what you are saying. It was hard to embrace that portion of you life and now that you have, it is hard to let it go. But we just have to keep going and go onto to the next act in the saga of "Living with Cancer"

    Take care,

    P
  • Christmas Girl
    Christmas Girl Member Posts: 3,682 Member
    #8
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    Oh, teena...
    First of all, congratulations for the completion of your "active/invasive" treatment. Truly a huge accomplishment. What a very long more than a year you've been through... And, your current feelings are quite normal. You're now facing yet another adjustment - it will get better with time, I can assure you.

    As the original Instructor of The Retail Therapy Tutorials here on the board - I award you an A+ for your shopping/saving spree at Kohls. Excellent - well done, indeed! :-)

    Your birthday celebration sounds lovely.

    With heartfelt hugs your way, and always with...

    Kindest regards, Susan

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