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Sometimes I just get tired of it ~UPDATE POSTED~

just4Brooks's picture
just4Brooks
Posts: 988
Joined: Jun 2009

You know what? Some days I just get tired of the whole thing. Sometimes it hard to be positive when going through cancer. Most days I'm fine but today it's just too much. I know I'll be fine and I'll get out of today’s slump. But does anyone else just get tired of it sometimes?

Life is NOT funny sometimes
Brooks

msccolon's picture
msccolon
Posts: 1956
Joined: Oct 2004

I think if any of us say it NEVER gets us down, we'd be lying! Our bodies have turned on us! Our bodies have changed and so have our lives! While there are always positives in everything, sometimes it just SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Take the time to wallow when you need it, then pick yourself back up. After all, without the darkness, how would we recognize the light? Stay strong, Brooks!
mary

dianetavegia's picture
dianetavegia
Posts: 1953
Joined: Mar 2009

and I never get 'down'. I was 'there' during my bout with constipation. YUK

Brooks, don't you think the discovery of the two girl's bodies and the search for more is weighing on your heart? When the guy kidnapped the Georgia hiker, chopped off her head and then dozens were discovered linked to him..... I was heartbroken about it.

Shayenne's picture
Shayenne
Posts: 2370
Joined: Jan 2009

Do get sick of the bag, and the chemo and feeling so bad I can't do anything for my kids at times, where they are doing things for me, I feel so bad at times, and guilty, where I am half the woman I used to be, that leaves me in tears alot. But I do get through it, because I'm glad this happening to me and not my kids or hubby.

Hugsss!
~Donna

sfmarie's picture
sfmarie
Posts: 605
Joined: Aug 2009

I do. It weighs heavily on my mind and my heart, that sometimes, I just want to shut it all off! I think that is normal and I also think this goes for anything in life. It is part of the cycle. But this particular battle can be so draining!

lesvanb's picture
lesvanb
Posts: 911
Joined: May 2008

it's an up and down thing. Some days are good even if the side effects are not and vice versa and sideways too. I think just overall it can be difficult to live fully each moment when mortality stares you in the face each moment too. I don't think that's a bad thing at all; in fact, my practice, or faith, is stronger and richer for it. That does not mean that I think well of the cancer at all. But dealing with cancer is my path. I find that being outside and just watching things likes birds or waves or clouds with no other distractions, just breathing, often takes the edge off.

all the best, Leslie

lcarper2
Posts: 638
Joined: Dec 2009

some days I feel like I am in someone elses skin I feel so bad and I know God allows us to struggle in times like this and he wants us to ask ourselves questions. He allows us to grow in him. My faith has grown so much since this started. It bothers me when some one in here pass away and I feel like why am I still here. I am here because he has a job for me to do . Brooks you have a job to do as well and he will guide you in the right direction....

kimby's picture
kimby
Posts: 804
Joined: Oct 2007

It's not possible to be happy and positive all the time. I'm a very determined and optimistic person by nature. Some days are just too much. Today I heard, "You're so strong!" so many times I wanted to barf. I don't want to be strong ALL the time. I don't feel strong, more like backed into a corner. What is my option but to be strong? List my choices for me, please. Sigh...

No Monday blues for me today. I even blogged about it today. Enjoying the unseasonably sunny weather and about to get in the hot tub. The little things are enough some days. The big things aren't nearly enough on others.

Welcome to your new normal. Sorry.

Outwit. Outplay. Outlast.

Kimby

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4907
Joined: May 2005

No one can be "up" all of the time. I certainly have plenty my of times with being fed up with the grind of the ever changing "new normals". It's good to know you are normal Brooks. Not that I ever doubted it. Tomorrow brings another day, hopefully a better one.
-phil

Jaylo969
Posts: 827
Joined: Jan 2010

He- double hockey sticks YES! Chin up, cheer up and I'll send you some special energy...sparks, thoughts, good wishes, and prayers if you like.

You rock and you know it! Just look at that million survivors walk facebook page and know Brooks rocks!!You are an inspiration! Banging on the pots & pans hoping you feel great soon.

-Pat

AnneCan
Posts: 3692
Joined: Oct 2009

Hi Brooks,

Sorry to hear you are having an "off" day. I know I have them too, or sometimes just an off "minute", "hour" etc. It sounds like you have done a lot of great things lately - the rocks, trip to Disney, etc. I hope you can hold those wonderful things in your heart when you are feeling down - it sounds like overall doing great!

ps your sign-off was funny!

Hatshepsut's picture
Hatshepsut
Posts: 340
Joined: Nov 2006

Brooks:

I hope your day is improving.

After almost four years of my husband's fight against this miserable disease, I find that we have more than a few melancholy days when the proverbial black cloud drifts over our world and we are overwhelmed by the stresses caused by the disease.

Lately, I've been thinking about this a lot. It occurs to me that this fight is so complicated that it is difficult to know what to panic about and what to take stoically.

Tired, too.

Hatshepsut

coloCan
Posts: 1956
Joined: Oct 2009

and as long as you're still breathing, ten minutes from now you just might be laughing....Springtimes coming, its time to regenerate,rejuevenate...Feel better....steve

Lovekitties's picture
Lovekitties
Posts: 3348
Joined: Jan 2010

Beyond the disease itself, Cancer and what goes with it brings emotional lows which can be devistating.

When that happens, one thing which may help is to take out pictures of all you hold dear...your family, whatever. Then think about all the future picutres you want with all of them right beside you.

I have often found that when something bothers me emotionally, I write down what it is, how I am feeling then burn the paper...a symbolic way of getting rid of the feelings.

Living is a tough business...and those of us with Cancer know that only too well.

As you said, you will be fine...and as you can see from the responses...everyone here is in your corner.

Take care and have a brighter tomorrow,

Marie

dorookie
Posts: 1736
Joined: Jul 2007

than I care to admit. I am cancer free and have had two clear scans, and I should be jumping up and down, well I did last week, but I too have those days. I cant even watch TV without a commercial about cancer or something on the news, I just have had enough of it, I would like to take a break, ya know....

Bottom line you are not alone my friend...not at all...

Keep on keeping on..

Beth

sheri22
Posts: 278
Joined: Jan 2009

I do get tired of it and moody espiccally the day before and the morning of, which is every other week, it is hard to make any plans for chemo week because I never know how I will feel
I think we all understand exactly what you are feeling and you are right we all get out of that slump hope you feel better tonight,

take care Sheri22

HollyID's picture
HollyID
Posts: 951
Joined: Dec 2009

Yep, and I'm a newbie at this.

I hated today. I posted on FB something about "I hate your guts" but today my guts hate me. It's from this freakin cancer and I hate it. I just hate feeling sick anytime.

You're definitely not alone. EVER.

sweta
Posts: 20
Joined: Mar 2010

Hi Brooks,
I can understand the feeling,my bf has been NED for five years and hates talking about the whole thing even today.Even i do...sometimes i just wish it would disappear..this imaginary sword we have hanging on our heads.I hate having to tell him to watch what he eats or worry about it..he's just 28 for god sakes.Why should he have to do all this.But i guess this is just the way it is supposed to be..and i'm glad we have the time and means to try and make it better.*Hugs*
Sweta

geotina's picture
geotina
Posts: 2121
Joined: Oct 2009

Sometimes I think George just gets sick of being sick and tired and I got to admit that so do I. It passes. Take care - Tina

mark440's picture
mark440
Posts: 63
Joined: Jan 2010

I havent even started my folfox (next week) ... it will SUCK more!!! hang in there B !

johnsfo's picture
johnsfo
Posts: 47
Joined: Oct 2009

Yes, I do know those feelings. Some days I just let myself go there, feeling sad and tired and sorry for myself. We've all have good reasons for that.

Then I find my resiliency, people and things that make me feel good, sheer determination, my sense of humor, who knows what else, and I realize that despite it all I'm leading a good life and having a good time.

Peace.

John

robinvan's picture
robinvan
Posts: 1014
Joined: May 2007

Sorry Brooks... Had to say it! :) ;)

I hope you are feeling better today. I surrender to my "down days", spend the day in bed reading and napping. I'm ussually ready to be human again by the time Pam get's home from work. Rarely do I stay down for mmany days in a row.

I've personally never had "clinical depression" but it is something to watch out for. Even, or especially, after treatment finishes. The "emotional aftermath" can take us by surprise and leave us feeiling pretty bad.

You've got many very good days ahead Brooks. I hope they bring you every blessing.

Be well... Rob; in Vancouver

"Life is short. And we do not have long to gladden the hearts of those who walk the way with us. So let us be quick to love, and let us make haste to show kindness." Henri Amiel

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

Brooks - I've waited a long time for you to say this - that Life is NOT funny sometimes.

Some days, it's hard to keep all of the plates up in the air spinnin'.

I'm sure you are feeling better hopefully today - all that each of us can do is to take those days as they come, go to bed, get up the next morning and hope it's better. "Hope Springs Eternal" as they say.

But like everyone else, I completely relate to what you are telling us. The entire population goes through this as well, only when you have/have had Cancer, it raises the ante.

I'm up against one of those "Not Funny" moments right now - at the financial crossroads in my journey, so right now it's not funny. Keep on keepin' on as you've been doing. When we get up more than we've been knocked down, we win.

"You've Got a Friend", here in TX, remember that, Brooks :)

-Craig

GOOFYLADIE's picture
GOOFYLADIE
Posts: 233
Joined: Aug 2009

I am right with you Craig. It has been 12 years and I have been pinched, poked, proded, every step of the way. Thank Gosh! All those tests made sure I was and am here today. However, now all my side affects from the Super whammy chemo, I got back then has taken a toll on my body and our pocket books. Financially we are just what ever. I have been praying, dancing, kneeling, singing war dances and standing on my head to find our way. A dollar will only stretch so far. I here ya the NOT FUNNY moments are here and I have cried alot lately. Smiled some because at some point all the frustration in the world is only going to cloud the situation. So hopefully somekind of sunshine will find some rain on our shoulders soon.
God Bless all of you,
Goofyladie (Cass)

luv3jay's picture
luv3jay
Posts: 534
Joined: May 2009

Oh Brooks...how many times have I thought the very same thing. But yes, you are right the sun will come out tomorrow. And its ok to lurk in the dumps sometimes, you're only human after all. But don't stay down there too long. You have lots of folks thinking and praying for you in a big way!

-Sheri

just4Brooks's picture
just4Brooks
Posts: 988
Joined: Jun 2009

If we dont have a down day how would we know when things are good? Thanks everybody for the kind words. I just had that one day that I just wanted to run away and was fine the next day. I went to my 4 years olds (Hunter) T-Ball game later that day and sat there freezing my butt off thinking. DANG... I'm happy to be alive!! Them little guys are so cute running around without a care in the world. I'll post a pic or two of the game for you guys to see.

You guys are great
Brooks

thready's picture
thready
Posts: 475
Joined: Sep 2009

Hey Brooks,
Just wondering if you are feeling better?
Jan

lisa42's picture
lisa42
Posts: 3661
Joined: Jul 2008

Hi Brooks,

I am SO sick of it at this moment! It is just so all consuming- not only trying to stay alive, but deal with side effects, and then having the stress of fighting with idiots at the doctor's office and more idiots who are also calloused and cruel within the health insurance company. I almost feel like taking off to a tropical island all by myself and leaving everything and everyone behind for a week. Hmm... I just thought of that right as I wrote it- lol! I really wouldn't want to go away from my family, but the thought of having peace and bliss right now sounds wonderful!

I'm glad to read you got over your down time and are feeling better again. We ALL have our ups and downs. I know that things will be up for me again soon (I hope and pray). :)
Take care, Brooks!

Lisa

just4Brooks's picture
just4Brooks
Posts: 988
Joined: Jun 2009

Hey Lisa, I cant even begin to imagine what you are going through inside of your head. I often remember thinking that if I can just let my head go on a 10 min vacation how nice that will be. To escape form everything cancer for just 10 minutes would be the best feeling. It’s BS what the insurance people do. I’m sure they just want to stall anything they can before they pay for what they should. But I really believe this advocate is a great idea because I think they are large enough where they would scare them with a law suit. Try to enjoy the rest of the day with your family. In the meantime if you happen to find that tropical island can I borrow it for a day or two?

Call me anytime
Brooks

maglets's picture
maglets
Posts: 2596
Joined: Jun 2006

hello Brooks, Lisa and all....just checkin in...I like what you say Brooks a 10 minute vacation from cancer would be a great gift. Smiling and being strong ....you know the question that drives me nuts! "oh you must have learned so much in this journey" yikes I guess so.....let me see...am i more wise? Gee I don't seem to have discovered the true answer to life :) :)

ok just Thursday nite blabbing....hang in Brooks....

hugs, mags

maryjane
Posts: 71
Joined: Dec 2009

Hi Lisa...
Let's make it happen! Lisa...you're one courageous woman to be dealing with all that you're dealing with. This Recovery Time is not a good time to be dealing with Insurance Companies by yourself. I've gone that route too but eventually discovered I needed someone more objective to handle those situations. Any good friends that might come forward--a Judge Judy type??? Good Luck with climbing that mountain.
maryjane

RickMurtagh's picture
RickMurtagh
Posts: 586
Joined: Feb 2010

... dropping a bag on the floor in the basement. Three week streak without an accident and that is how it has to end. At least it was not in the restaurant at lunch. Most of the time, a deep breath or a nap and everything would be fine - not today. Fortunately, for us it seems, bad days are just that - a day.

Sometimes when I see all the struggles others are going through, I get encouraged by their perseverance. Today I did not come online because I would have only seen defeat.

I am hoping, this new day will bring new hope and no dropped or broken bags of poo.

I hope your new day springs a new hope for a better tomorrow (even if today sucks).

P.S. laf - I just figured out your post was from days ago. Glad you already turned the corner...

Kerry S's picture
Kerry S
Posts: 607
Joined: Dec 2009

Ok folks there was something I got in an email that makes good sense. Yes I have bad times too.

When you find God is your copilot – change seats!

Now enough of feeling sorry for ourselves cancer warriors. Get off your butts and get in there and fight this crap.

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