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Motherless Daugher at seven years old

Posts: 1
Joined: Feb 2010

I was seven years old when my mom passed away from Breast Cancer and she was only 32. It was 1986 and I can remember the night it happened. I had laid down to go to bed and remembered that I wanted to tell my dad something. I went in their room and saw him leaning over her...I didn't know at the time what he might be doing but I know now that he was checking her pulse. He turned around and told me I needed to go back to bed. I was so made that I stormed off and went back to my room and laid on my bed with the pillow over my head. He ended up coming to my room awhile later and I thought he was laughing at me for being so silly but he was crying. He told me that she had passed away. I have an older brother so we went in to tell him and my dad decided to wait to tell my younger brother in the morning since he was a couple years younger than me. I don't think that it necessarily sunk in totally that night because I had a dream that night or a few days later that she was getting ready to come home but to my surprise when I woke up the nightmare was a reality. I am getting ready to turn 31 and I am still not over the loss of my mom and hardly think I will ever be. There are several things growing up that I had to face that would have been so much easier if I would have had my mom. My dad is my best friend though and I couldn't have gotten this far if it weren't such a great dad. I get so depressed sometimes hearing about others getting to spend time with their moms...I am happy for them but wished I would have had that opportunity myself. I have two kids and I look at them and wonder will they remember me if something like this were to happen to me...they are only 4 and 2...so young and honestly I don't remember my mom at that age at all so I really have a couple of years that I can remember about her. It isn't wasn't long enough. I met the man that I was going to marry in 2004 and badly wanted to let her meet him. I was married in 2005 and wanted her to be the one that was helping me pick out stuff for my wedding. I had my first child in 2005 also and needed her to be there for me. I can't help but be selfish about my situation because I am a girl that never got to grow up with a mom to show her things. I am glad that she is in Heaven and not suffering anymore because she had cancer for several years before she passed I just miss her and sometimes I feel like a child needing to be taken care of by her mommy. If you have had the same situation happen to you I would like to hear how you cope even after so many years. God Bless you all!

reigh of sunshine
Posts: 3
Joined: May 2010

I have an extroadianly similar sitaution. I was eight when my mom passed away. she had been diagnosed with breast cancer since two weeks after i turned three. so i dont have many memeories of her execpt when she was sick. Im now 23 and the day she died was just 2 days ago on may 7. I wish i could say that it goes away or that feeling of needing your mommy subsides but its not the case. this year has hit me particuarly hard, its the first year on her death and on mothers day that i live 1400 miles away from my family. In years past Ive been lucky Ive had my grandmother and my aunt to act as serogets.
all i can say is that she is always there, i know for me that my family tells me constantly things that i do that are a replica of actions my mother would do. Also when im really lonley like today and the last few days i talk to her, or i talk to God and ask him to get me threw the sad times. the moments that the gut renching pain just wont subside.
cherish your childern you get to be there for them now and when they get older. You get to be that mommy when they get that feeling of "all I want is my mommy"

txtrisha55's picture
Posts: 685
Joined: Apr 2011

I still miss her and still dream about her. She passed away from a soft tissue sarcoma that had spread throughout her body, stage 4. She took care of my daughter while I worked. My daughter had 7 years with her "Gran" and when she passed away, I had to get in her in grief counseling to help her deal with it. My Mom now would have a great grandson, that she would adore. I chose not to be called grandmother, so afraid that William would shorten it to Gran. I am called "Pepper" instead.
The pain does not go away whether you are young and lost your Mother or if you are older. It's your Mom and you are never ready to loss that bond.
One thing that I started doing for my grandson is small photo albums as scrap books for him. His 1st Christmas, Easter, Halloween, Snow, 1st Hospital stay (when he was 2 very sick, he likes big trucks so I took photos of big trucks and put them in a book. Pictures of the family and him showing who is village is so he will know when he gets older who was in his life. Wishing you all the best and know that there are others that know your pain of missing a Mom. Just make sure your girls know you and that you love them.

Karen82's picture
Posts: 42
Joined: Jun 2011

I have a similar situation. At least you could see your mom and had a year longer with her. My dad was in a car wreck and flown to the biggest hospital in West Virginia. Imagine you being at the hospital and knowing your parent is in there and you are not allowed to see them. The last time I saw my dad, I was 5 years old. He couldn't be there for my 6th birthday even though he was still here. He died 5 days after my birthday and on his full blood sister's birthday. I had dreams he would come home, but he never did. He didn't see me grow up, my kids, and the holidays which I missed him the most in December. His birthday was in December and Christmas was the worst. I don't remember the sound of his voice, what he looked like, how much time he spent with with me, or anything else, but just a lousy few vague memories about him and what my family members could tell me about him. I am 29 now. He never seen my kids. My life just like yours would have been so much easier if he would have been here. I haven't really got over his death either. I was daddy's little girl. I did know how much he did love me. I am sorry you lost your mother. I lost mine back this June. I just have my kids. My grandparents and parents are gone. My dad's mother died Christmas in 2002 and she was buried over the holidays. I think my kids are the only ones that keep me going at Christmas. Other than that, I don't think I would have anything to do with Christmas. My mom greived herself to death over my dad. My mom died of Ovarian Cancer. Imagine having no one to ask for help when you need it the most. I do have a sister, but she relies on me. I have no one like that. Keep in mind, when you think you have it bad, there is always someone else who has it worse than you.

sharpy102's picture
Posts: 370
Joined: Apr 2009

@Karen: I don't think you should say things as, quote, "Keep in mind, when you think you have it bad, there is always someone else who has it worse than you". Everyone goes through a loss that is GREAT for them...if it's only one parent, it's only one parent...if someone is older, than they're older...doesn't matter. It's a pain, and a pain and a pain! My dad died in 2007 when I was 10 in a stupid car wreck (wasn't even his fault), and my Mom died in 2009 of cancer when I was 12 and died right there as I was talking to her, trying to comfort her... So, if you do the math, I'm still a minor which means one thing. If you don't have relatives, you have to be taken care of...how: children home. It was a tragedy for me to get there and I felt like hell. Now, after being here two years, I'm all right. And I don't write this down to make you sorry for me...no! For me, this was the biggest loss...my family disappearing...for someone the biggest loss is one of the parent who dies...you can't measure by saying 2 parents passed away, or someone was already 20 when their mom died while you were 8 etc....you can't measure loss like that. Loss is a loss...and it hurts like hell...and will hurt like hell always. We will always miss our loved ones whom we lost...we will always dream about them being there for us for special moments, graduation, marriage, first job, first kid, first car etc. etc. and etc. You cannot compare...it's heart breaking in all matter....I wish people didn't die...I wish...

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