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Tired of telling everyone the same thing over and over

fuzzytrouble's picture
Posts: 213
Joined: Feb 2009

How many of you have to explain what you are going through and how many more treatments you will have to do? I have people say to me "oh you must be almost done now" yet just last week I told them I have no idea when I will finish. It just gets so frustrating that I just don't want to answer anymore. My own husband doesn't listen to what I say and keeps asking the same thing over and over. I try so hard not to get upset but sometimes I can't help it.
Am I the only one getting frustrated?

lindaprocopio's picture
Posts: 2022
Joined: Oct 2008

I know just what you're saying. I must think in my head at least once every day "Don't you ever hear what I'm saying??" I think it's just too much for people to take in; they are blocking out what's too painful to hear; they are thinking what they can possibly say in response; they truly aren't listening when you talk. I don't think it means they don't care. It just means they're human, and cancer is too scary to take in fully if you don't have to. And the lucky ones don't have to. (((Sharon)))

kkstef's picture
Posts: 706
Joined: May 2008

I hear what you are saying. I agree that the "same old questions" are the result of not really listening. And it can be very annoying. I also think that many people just ask the same old questions as they can't think of any thing else to say "conversationally". Kind of like the frequent comment, "Hi...how are you?"....most times that doesn't mean someone actually wants to know how YOU REALLY are....just a way to greet folks.

Some people just never remember ANYTHING!! I know that I often forget some details about an illness that someone has shared with me. It doesn't mean I don't care about them...I just don't remember or maybe I wasn't really listening!

Maybe we are a bit more sensitive about "our story"?

In any case.....I do understand what you are saying!!

Posts: 11
Joined: Feb 2010

I thought we were the only ones getting these questions. I guess we thought that because we are so new to the process and therefore our friends and relatives are also new to the process that was the reason for "how are ya'll doing today", "how are the treatments going", etc. Most of the time people mean well, they just want to do something or say something and don't know what to do or say. Hang in there.

Posts: 126
Joined: Apr 2009

Prayers and healing presence to all. Been on the site for about one year for mom (doing good). I think that many people have not heard of uterine cancer and do not realize you can go in every year for paps and it is so silent that many do not have symptoms and clean bills of health prior to this diagnosis and that risk factors are varied and not very standard also the fact that depending on the area you live some of the recommendations are variable. Really no screening for this one per se. When people ask the same questions I just ask them to keep us on their prayer list. Support of any kind helps even though you do not always feel like reliving it all.

daisy366's picture
Posts: 1493
Joined: Mar 2009

but I also think that no one really gets "it" unless they have been through it.

I would say, just appreciate their caring and lower your expectations of everything else.

For what it's worth...Mary Ann

Posts: 743
Joined: Oct 2008

I think I can relate to how you feel. Especially when it is your husband or other close family members... were they not listening when I said it the first time. For a long time it seemed I tried to "forget" about cancer and everyone wanted to ask me the same "dumb" questions over and over...
I agree with Linda, it seems like it is just too much for them. When I was first diagnosed, I got really upset with my husband one day. He kept talking like he thought the doctor was wrong and I didn't really need chemo. How could I? They had already removed the cancer, right? I ended up kinda exploding and saying something stupid, like... "do you want me to die!?!" Needless to say that was the most inappropriate thing to say, as he was obviously in denial. Which is a completely normal stage in the process... apparently I was in another of those stages, ANGER!
Some people just don't know what to say.
Isn't it nice to be able to come here and vent to our sisters on this journey?!

Songflower's picture
Posts: 631
Joined: Apr 2009

Oh sisters I hear ya! People don't know what to say. Maybe we should write a book about helpful things to say.

I am reading Simonton's first book and when he went back to work everyone asked him all day long, "how is your leukemia?" He could be having a perfectly great day and then have to answer all the questions. He wrote everyone he worked with a letter telling them that it was very distracting and he appreciated them caring. He asked them to call his wife for details about his health condition.

I am a nurse practitioner and work in health care. All of these patients have been praying for me, sending me cards. They ask me how I am doing, I ususally answer, "well I'm still kicking!" Then we focus on them. For some reason this whacky response works for me at work. We laugh and move on.

We all have bad days and say the wrong things sometimes to those we love the most. We're all human. We can't be so hard on ourselves or our loved ones during this. I am glad you can vent here. I think you have to go through this to really understand what treatment is all about. I would love to spend a day with all of you!

Cloud_Lover's picture
Posts: 20
Joined: Dec 2009

I think people just don't know what to say so the questions about treatment are ice breakers. As I got more comfortable talking about my cancer journey, those questions were fielded with quicky responses.

My problem gets compounded by my hearing disability, in a crowded room hearing is impossible from even a short distance. I've had more then one occasion where someone has raised their voice at conversation stopping volume shouting something like " WHEN'S YOUR NEXT TREATMENT ". That can really desensitize your feelings.

Asking about them will usually bring the break I'm seeking. I try for normal conversation with most, and reserve true disclosure when I sense they're listening, sometimes I get fooled.

Spouses will tune out conversations, I know I do at times. There are time with a hearing loss can change, " you not listening to me, to " I did not hear you....a second chance. Love will get us through, anything less is too much effort for me these days. Ruth

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