In Laws

mysarial
mysarial Member Posts: 14
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
How do you deal with the cancer patient's parents?
The patient is my husband, and the issue is his mother. We've never been close, but apparently instead of the cancer bringing us together as a family, she's been taking everything I do as a personal insult. She's ignored all the positives, and apparently is only seeing negatives because she's been accusing me of some really terrible things. I don't have the slightest idea why, and no amount of explaining was able to sway her. I even gave up and just apologized, and she still persisted.

I cannot deal with caring for my stage 1v husband, on top of my full time job, WITH his mother all over me all of a sudden, out of nowhere. I honestly don't even care anymore why she's mad at me, I just need it to stop. It's made me ill for the last few days, and I am this close to the end of my rope.

I've asked my husband to intervene and tell her to call a truce, and he's having a hard time doing it. He's just trying to convince me that she isn't mad, and convince her I didn't do whatever she's accusing me of. That's not working. I am now beginning to resent him for not having enough respect for me to stand up to her.

I honestly just want to run away. I feel like I'm getting an ulcer, and my stress levels are making me physically ill. I cannot see how this could possibly get any better, even with a counselor. She's been too hurtful, and isn't remorseful.

Comments

  • grandmafay
    grandmafay Member Posts: 1,633 Member
    #2
    My guess is that she is
    My guess is that she is struggling with the diagnosis and the possible loss of a son. My mother-in-law chose to just ignore it. She was in her late eighties and actually passed away before my husband. You don't say how old your mother-in-law is. Also, is there a father-in-law you can reason with? I think you need to have a heart-to-heart talk with your husband and you both need to agree on a united front. If Mom is making you physically ill, you can't care well for your husband. If she can't be pleasant to you, suggest that she visit when you are not there, or not visit at all. Is there a chance she is suffering with some illness? Maybe she needs a trip to her dr. Stress may be making her ill and behave poorly. A counselor might help. I hope you are able to work this out. Taking care of a spouse with cancer is tough in the best of situations. Take care of yourself. Fay
  • geotina
    geotina Member Posts: 2,111 Member
    #3
    Mesothelioma
    I am so sorry about the diagnosis of mesothelioma. Do you know where he got his exposure to asbestos? Was it direct or bystander? Our lawfirm has a few hundred asbestos exposure related files so I know of mesothelioma.

    Anyway, that is your mother-in-laws baby and no matter how old we get, it is very difficult for a parent to watch their child suffer. That being said, if she is insulting to you and being extremely difficult there is only one thing to do, tell her to shut up, shape up, be kind, and know that you are doing the best you can for your husband while holding down a full time job. If she cannot agree to this, then she is no longer welcome in your home. Make that very clear. It is your home and she is making everyone miserable, including your husband. If she cannot be pleasant and helpful, then she is no longer welcome. She doesn't have to like you and you don't have to like her but for the sake of your husband there must be absolute peace in the house. Tell her the subject is closed and those are your rules in your home. Take care - Tina
  • SamsWife
    SamsWife Member Posts: 50
    #4
    geotina said:

    Mesothelioma
    I am so sorry about the diagnosis of mesothelioma. Do you know where he got his exposure to asbestos? Was it direct or bystander? Our lawfirm has a few hundred asbestos exposure related files so I know of mesothelioma.

    Anyway, that is your mother-in-laws baby and no matter how old we get, it is very difficult for a parent to watch their child suffer. That being said, if she is insulting to you and being extremely difficult there is only one thing to do, tell her to shut up, shape up, be kind, and know that you are doing the best you can for your husband while holding down a full time job. If she cannot agree to this, then she is no longer welcome in your home. Make that very clear. It is your home and she is making everyone miserable, including your husband. If she cannot be pleasant and helpful, then she is no longer welcome. She doesn't have to like you and you don't have to like her but for the sake of your husband there must be absolute peace in the house. Tell her the subject is closed and those are your rules in your home. Take care - Tina

    In-Laws
    Amen to that Tina! I completely agree - there's a time for being quiet for the sake of getting along and then there's a time to stand up for what's right!!!

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