Too far away to feel useful

Freyou
I'm so sorry to hear about your mom's diagnosis. You have come to a very good place for support and information. There are a lot of survivors here who've been through similar experience to what your mom is and will be going though, and there are also several caregivers and family members who will be able to relate to what you're going through.

To get up to speed on all of the terminology involved in breast cancer (because, as I learned after my diagnosis, there are many different types) a very comprehensive book is The Breast Book by Dr. Susan Love. Another, shorter, one that I have is Breast Cancer Survival by Dr. John Link.

The American Cancer Society website also has a lot of good information you can access probably even more quickly. If you want to know more about her diagnosis, you can ask your mom what grade the tumor is (if that's been determined yet - it may not be), what size it is, and what the treatment plan is so far. Lower grade tumors are less advanced. The highest grade is grade 4, but even if that's your mom's diagnosis don't let it scare you too much. There are many survivors on these boards with grade 4 who were diagnosed over 10 years ago. Be careful about searching the internet. Make sure if you do that you're getting information from reputable sites like the ACS. Otherwise, you can get scared and misinformed pretty easily.

The most important thing you can ask your mom is "How can I help?" Of course, you may well have already asked that, and she may not have been able to tell you what you can do. I'm sure just listening to her and being there for her emotionally even when you can't be there physically will mean a great deal to her.

Please keep coming back and let us know how you and your mom are doing.

Peace,
Cindy

MOM

You can be there for your Mom no matter how many miles apart you live. I was diagnosed this past summer and my 84 year old mom cannot travel. But she has been here for me through countless cards, prayers and phone calls. I have been up to visit her twice since my diagnosis, only a couple of days at a time, but they have put her at much ease. Although our situations are reversed, the miles between you do not dimminish the love you feel. Before I was diagnosed, I had volunteered for a hospice for nearly 9 years. Although your mom is not dying, I learned that reviewing the most fun and memorable expierences you've shared, give great strength and comfort to ones in need. Do the best at what you can do. And it will do the same for you. No situation in the life of cancer is perfect.

Blessings, Cathy

Give her a piece of normal....
keep in touch, but don't always talk about cancer...lol...the best present I was given by a friend was her telling of the adventures in a trip she had just returned from...no cancer talk at all...

Hugs, Kathi

You're always just a phone call away
My daughter is away at college and she calls me once or twice a week, asks how I'm doing, and tells me what's going on in her life. It's good just to hear from her and here that her life is going well. My sister is also 6 hours away and just sent me a little "care package" with a hat she knit and a book. It's just nice to know they are there for me, even thought they can't physically be here. The best thing my sister did was let me call at anytime and "vent", cry, scream, or whatever I needed at the time. She also educated herself and really listened to what I had to say unlike another relative that wouldn't ask me anything and then tell me (based on 3rd hand info) that I could wait "months for surgery because breast cancer is such a slow growing, non aggressive thing and mine is so early" I know stage III is "early", but I really didn't want to but off treatment for 3-4 months. Don't be afraid to ask your mom what her doctors say and what that means.

Good luck to you and your mom, it's not easy living far away when you want to be there for them.