I Looked at Death Today

Trew
Trew Member Posts: 931 Member
edited March 2014 in Prostate Cancer #1
I stopped by to visit with a man, 71, who is in end stage prostate cancer. He is now under hospice care. The cancer is now into his bones and he hurts all over. What we are dealing with is serious stuff. If kills, but we all know that. I think if I see someone say, "oh, its only prostate cancer" one more time.... But everyone here knows what we are dealing with. And no matter what treatment we take, we are never the same afterwards. Prostate cancer changes men's lives.

Here is hoping for a better cure for the other men in our lives!

PS: I hate hormone shots!
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Comments

  • 142
    142 Member Posts: 169
    Visits
    Bravo ragazzo. I tried to visit a good friend who was dying of esophageal cancer as much as I could (350 miles away). They said he didn't know he had visitors, and would not know I had been there, but one of the last visits he opened his eyes and talked to me. Made me feel really small to not get there any more often. He passed only weeks before I was diagnosed with PCa.

    I think it was in the Korda book that I saw a proper discussion of the fact that surviving any cancer is nothing short of war. Stop fighting, we lose.

    The TV is full of the 3-day Komen race (breast cancer)these days. I don't begrudge the ladies even a step, but I hope someday there will be an equivalent for us.
  • dakotarunner
    dakotarunner Member Posts: 102 Member
    142 said:

    Visits
    Bravo ragazzo. I tried to visit a good friend who was dying of esophageal cancer as much as I could (350 miles away). They said he didn't know he had visitors, and would not know I had been there, but one of the last visits he opened his eyes and talked to me. Made me feel really small to not get there any more often. He passed only weeks before I was diagnosed with PCa.

    I think it was in the Korda book that I saw a proper discussion of the fact that surviving any cancer is nothing short of war. Stop fighting, we lose.

    The TV is full of the 3-day Komen race (breast cancer)these days. I don't begrudge the ladies even a step, but I hope someday there will be an equivalent for us.

    There can be
    On the comment for the prostate equivalent to the Komen race, I say there can be. It simply needs to start small,and grow from there--- kinda like a cancerous cell in a prostate gland.

    I am going to start a separate thread and see what happens. Worst it can do is fall flat.

    Best to all. Fight on!
  • marc1957
    marc1957 Member Posts: 79
    142 said:

    Visits
    Bravo ragazzo. I tried to visit a good friend who was dying of esophageal cancer as much as I could (350 miles away). They said he didn't know he had visitors, and would not know I had been there, but one of the last visits he opened his eyes and talked to me. Made me feel really small to not get there any more often. He passed only weeks before I was diagnosed with PCa.

    I think it was in the Korda book that I saw a proper discussion of the fact that surviving any cancer is nothing short of war. Stop fighting, we lose.

    The TV is full of the 3-day Komen race (breast cancer)these days. I don't begrudge the ladies even a step, but I hope someday there will be an equivalent for us.

    142
    Dont be misled by statements that they wouldnt know.

    When I was in the hospital with lung cancer, I had a blood pressure of 000/000 for awhile due to (sp?) vagas nerve stimulation, ended up in ICU with a lare team working on me. I could hear & comprehend what was going on for sometime before I could see and/or interact with people.

    Its a good thing that you made the effort in my book.

    regards

    -marc

    1998 - lung cancer survivor
    2009 - prostate cancer survivor
  • Trew
    Trew Member Posts: 931 Member
    Comparing Apples and Peaches
    Looking at the number of posts and responses after breast cancer and comparing those numbers with the posts after PC it appears men are not so into talking about PC. I can understand that. What man really wants another man to know he is having certain kinds of problems that may, how do I say this, that may make him appear less of a man?

    I know breast cancer is hard on a woman, but she can still have sex after BC. PC can and often does hit a man were he is particularily sensitive: his manhood. Is that possible? Did I word that correctly?

    But as many men die of PC as women die of BC. And often after PC men have continency problems women don't have. My point is this: in the living and dying, PC is a hard cancer on men and the women who love them and it should be treated more seriously than it is.
  • txbarton
    txbarton Member Posts: 89 Member
    Trew said:

    Comparing Apples and Peaches
    Looking at the number of posts and responses after breast cancer and comparing those numbers with the posts after PC it appears men are not so into talking about PC. I can understand that. What man really wants another man to know he is having certain kinds of problems that may, how do I say this, that may make him appear less of a man?

    I know breast cancer is hard on a woman, but she can still have sex after BC. PC can and often does hit a man were he is particularily sensitive: his manhood. Is that possible? Did I word that correctly?

    But as many men die of PC as women die of BC. And often after PC men have continency problems women don't have. My point is this: in the living and dying, PC is a hard cancer on men and the women who love them and it should be treated more seriously than it is.

    Trew,
    As many men are are

    Trew,

    As many men are are diagnosed with PC as women diagnosed with breast cancer but the death rate is much higher for breast cancer (est. 28,000 v. 41,000) for 2009.

    Who is to say which is worse; losing your erection or losing your breast. Both can be concelaed from public scrutiny but I have no issue being naked in front of my wife, I doubt the reverse would be true if my wife lost a breast.

    I do agree that PC is not regarded as seriously as breast cancer and it should be recognized.

    VB
  • txbarton
    txbarton Member Posts: 89 Member
    Trew said:

    Comparing Apples and Peaches
    Looking at the number of posts and responses after breast cancer and comparing those numbers with the posts after PC it appears men are not so into talking about PC. I can understand that. What man really wants another man to know he is having certain kinds of problems that may, how do I say this, that may make him appear less of a man?

    I know breast cancer is hard on a woman, but she can still have sex after BC. PC can and often does hit a man were he is particularily sensitive: his manhood. Is that possible? Did I word that correctly?

    But as many men die of PC as women die of BC. And often after PC men have continency problems women don't have. My point is this: in the living and dying, PC is a hard cancer on men and the women who love them and it should be treated more seriously than it is.

    Trew,
    As many men are are

    Trew,

    As many men are are diagnosed with PC as women diagnosed with breast cancer but the death rate is much higher for breast cancer (est. 28,000 v. 41,000) for 2009.

    Who is to say which is worse; losing your erection or losing your breast. Both can be concelaed from public scrutiny but I have no issue being naked in front of my wife, I doubt the reverse would be true if my wife lost a breast.

    I do agree that PC is not regarded as seriously as breast cancer and it should be recognized.

    VB
  • bdhilton
    bdhilton Member Posts: 803 Member
    “You look to healthy to have cancer?
    Long story but went to a neighbor’s house (not friends) last night with the wife and the hostess says” you can’t have cancer…you look to healthy”…Several guys at this informal get together tell me (50-65 age group without PC) tell me that PC is no big thing every guys gets it and does not dies from it…..”Why are you having surgery…” This did make me simile to myself how ill-informed folks are…

    Of course by the time I left I did put the fear of god in them and every guy is making an appointment today with a urologist via their wives…Yes, PC is cancer that no guy likes to talk about and we need to do what they have done with Breast Cancer on the awareness and fund raising…
  • 142
    142 Member Posts: 169
    bdhilton said:

    “You look to healthy to have cancer?
    Long story but went to a neighbor’s house (not friends) last night with the wife and the hostess says” you can’t have cancer…you look to healthy”…Several guys at this informal get together tell me (50-65 age group without PC) tell me that PC is no big thing every guys gets it and does not dies from it…..”Why are you having surgery…” This did make me simile to myself how ill-informed folks are…

    Of course by the time I left I did put the fear of god in them and every guy is making an appointment today with a urologist via their wives…Yes, PC is cancer that no guy likes to talk about and we need to do what they have done with Breast Cancer on the awareness and fund raising…

    Looking healthy ?
    My first comment was meant to encourage all of us to take the time to visit the friends and relatives who are in so much worse shape than we are, as Trew did. It is hard on us, but for them it is a whole different thing - that hour of company may be all they get this week.

    bd - I've gotten the same reaction - people expect me to have lost 100 pounds and most of my hair after surgery, and can't understand why I haven't, so I must be kidding, right? I try to explain that I wasn't visibly "sick" - that wasn't how I found out. Waiting for that stage is not a good plan. I've had a few folks make that next-day run for the PSA test myself.
  • Trew
    Trew Member Posts: 931 Member
    142 said:

    Looking healthy ?
    My first comment was meant to encourage all of us to take the time to visit the friends and relatives who are in so much worse shape than we are, as Trew did. It is hard on us, but for them it is a whole different thing - that hour of company may be all they get this week.

    bd - I've gotten the same reaction - people expect me to have lost 100 pounds and most of my hair after surgery, and can't understand why I haven't, so I must be kidding, right? I try to explain that I wasn't visibly "sick" - that wasn't how I found out. Waiting for that stage is not a good plan. I've had a few folks make that next-day run for the PSA test myself.

    Healthy Looking Cancer Patients
    It is interesting how many cancer patients look healthy until they are in end stage condition. My chart has me as a T-4. I hope that has changed since I finished radiation, but I look pretty good. A friend I last saw back in October before I went out to LLU in CA for treatment looked pretty good when I left him. I get back and he is end stage liver and colon cancer and only half of his former weight and I would not have recognized him except I was given a warning before seeing him in the hospital. But looking at him in October I wouldhave never guessed. What sent him to the doctor's was pain in the abdomen. Once the pain started the cancer had already gone too far for effective treatment.

    With most cancers you don't feel or see them until it is too late.

    My internist felt my prostate a few times and it "felt normal for a man my age" to him. But my main turmor was on the side away from his probing finger.

    Folk get a good look at end stage PC and a lot of men would be more pro active in getting their PSA levels checked.
  • bdhilton
    bdhilton Member Posts: 803 Member
    Trew said:

    Healthy Looking Cancer Patients
    It is interesting how many cancer patients look healthy until they are in end stage condition. My chart has me as a T-4. I hope that has changed since I finished radiation, but I look pretty good. A friend I last saw back in October before I went out to LLU in CA for treatment looked pretty good when I left him. I get back and he is end stage liver and colon cancer and only half of his former weight and I would not have recognized him except I was given a warning before seeing him in the hospital. But looking at him in October I wouldhave never guessed. What sent him to the doctor's was pain in the abdomen. Once the pain started the cancer had already gone too far for effective treatment.

    With most cancers you don't feel or see them until it is too late.

    My internist felt my prostate a few times and it "felt normal for a man my age" to him. But my main turmor was on the side away from his probing finger.

    Folk get a good look at end stage PC and a lot of men would be more pro active in getting their PSA levels checked.

    yes
    seen cancer and the effect of several loved ones in recent years...compassion is a good attribute and recognizing folks prior to their “hour” of need…

    I know I was lucky/blessed with my internist when she felt my prostate and I had a nodule on my right side (nothing on the left)because my PSA was 2.82 and my internist would not have passed me on to urologist unless I was pushing 4 or above…pre surgery T2b 9/15 positive for cancer (one core 100% the other 8 are 2-3%) 4+3=7 on right lower and right mid….nothing on the left …Best to you
  • JR1949
    JR1949 Member Posts: 230
    Trew said:

    Comparing Apples and Peaches
    Looking at the number of posts and responses after breast cancer and comparing those numbers with the posts after PC it appears men are not so into talking about PC. I can understand that. What man really wants another man to know he is having certain kinds of problems that may, how do I say this, that may make him appear less of a man?

    I know breast cancer is hard on a woman, but she can still have sex after BC. PC can and often does hit a man were he is particularily sensitive: his manhood. Is that possible? Did I word that correctly?

    But as many men die of PC as women die of BC. And often after PC men have continency problems women don't have. My point is this: in the living and dying, PC is a hard cancer on men and the women who love them and it should be treated more seriously than it is.

    Yes, Prostate Cancer Is Serious
    I agree prostate cancer should be taken more seriously. I am sure that breast cancer that results in masectomy has got to be devastating for a woman...makes them feel they are less of a woman. I was 60 when I had radical prostatectomy March 2009 and to date I am still having contincency problems, wearing a diaper and pads, and I am unable to get an erection and have sex and I feel like less of a man. Yes I am glad to be alive, but I feel I have been cheated out of 10 to 15 years of sexual relations and continency. My wife is understanding and supportive, she told me that we've been married 35 years and had a good sex life in that time so it's not a problem.(God bless her)
  • Trew
    Trew Member Posts: 931 Member
    JR1949 said:

    Yes, Prostate Cancer Is Serious
    I agree prostate cancer should be taken more seriously. I am sure that breast cancer that results in masectomy has got to be devastating for a woman...makes them feel they are less of a woman. I was 60 when I had radical prostatectomy March 2009 and to date I am still having contincency problems, wearing a diaper and pads, and I am unable to get an erection and have sex and I feel like less of a man. Yes I am glad to be alive, but I feel I have been cheated out of 10 to 15 years of sexual relations and continency. My wife is understanding and supportive, she told me that we've been married 35 years and had a good sex life in that time so it's not a problem.(God bless her)

    There, too
    That is my experience, and I think many more men are going through the same thing, its just not easily discussed. I am still on the hormone shots so sometimes when I think of all this I start crying, too, which is a new characteristic for my wife to see in her husband.

    And thank God for a good understanding wife. 40 years married this month.
  • gumbyrun
    gumbyrun Member Posts: 58

    There can be
    On the comment for the prostate equivalent to the Komen race, I say there can be. It simply needs to start small,and grow from there--- kinda like a cancerous cell in a prostate gland.

    I am going to start a separate thread and see what happens. Worst it can do is fall flat.

    Best to all. Fight on!

    Movember
    There is an organization that was started in Australia that is dedicated to raising awareness of men's health issues, specifically PC and testicular cancer. There big annual fundraiser is for guys to grow a "Mo" (slang for mustache in Australia) in the month of November and get sponsors. Then at the end of the month they have a big party, prizes, etc. There have been participants in the US but ironically I sponsored a guy in Australia and then was diagnosed later that month.
    Here is the website:
    www.movember.com

    You can bet I will be forming a team next November. Also, I wanted to get a tattoo after my surgery. There is no color ribbon for PC (that I'm aware of) so I got permission from the Movember people to get there logo on my tricep. My teenage daughter gave me a "tat" with a Sharpie of the logo and it looks pretty cool...now I hope people will ask me about it. I have also included a jpg of a mustache and link to Movember.com in my work email signature. The word needs to get out there!
  • Trew
    Trew Member Posts: 931 Member
    gumbyrun said:

    Movember
    There is an organization that was started in Australia that is dedicated to raising awareness of men's health issues, specifically PC and testicular cancer. There big annual fundraiser is for guys to grow a "Mo" (slang for mustache in Australia) in the month of November and get sponsors. Then at the end of the month they have a big party, prizes, etc. There have been participants in the US but ironically I sponsored a guy in Australia and then was diagnosed later that month.
    Here is the website:
    www.movember.com

    You can bet I will be forming a team next November. Also, I wanted to get a tattoo after my surgery. There is no color ribbon for PC (that I'm aware of) so I got permission from the Movember people to get there logo on my tricep. My teenage daughter gave me a "tat" with a Sharpie of the logo and it looks pretty cool...now I hope people will ask me about it. I have also included a jpg of a mustache and link to Movember.com in my work email signature. The word needs to get out there!

    Movember
    I was on a small team that raised a $1,000 for Movember this year. Great fun. I plan to be increasing my annual contribution to cancer research this year.
  • hopeful and optimistic
    hopeful and optimistic Member Posts: 2,333 Member
    gumbyrun said:

    Movember
    There is an organization that was started in Australia that is dedicated to raising awareness of men's health issues, specifically PC and testicular cancer. There big annual fundraiser is for guys to grow a "Mo" (slang for mustache in Australia) in the month of November and get sponsors. Then at the end of the month they have a big party, prizes, etc. There have been participants in the US but ironically I sponsored a guy in Australia and then was diagnosed later that month.
    Here is the website:
    www.movember.com

    You can bet I will be forming a team next November. Also, I wanted to get a tattoo after my surgery. There is no color ribbon for PC (that I'm aware of) so I got permission from the Movember people to get there logo on my tricep. My teenage daughter gave me a "tat" with a Sharpie of the logo and it looks pretty cool...now I hope people will ask me about it. I have also included a jpg of a mustache and link to Movember.com in my work email signature. The word needs to get out there!

    The organization us TOO www.ustoo.org
    distributes blue wristbands and ribbons.........I'm pretty sure that this is the color for prostate cancer

    Ira
  • Trew
    Trew Member Posts: 931 Member
    Visits Continue
    I continue to visit the man dying of PC every day but his end is very near. He is under Hospice care and he gets little to no food or water now. I just sit by his bed and watch for awhile, have prayer for him, gentle tak to him, the leave. Mondy we have a pretty good discussion for 5- 10 minutes but yesterday he was pretty non-responsive. I will be in to see him today before noon.

    We are dealing with a very serious cancer.
  • 142
    142 Member Posts: 169
    Trew said:

    Visits Continue
    I continue to visit the man dying of PC every day but his end is very near. He is under Hospice care and he gets little to no food or water now. I just sit by his bed and watch for awhile, have prayer for him, gentle tak to him, the leave. Mondy we have a pretty good discussion for 5- 10 minutes but yesterday he was pretty non-responsive. I will be in to see him today before noon.

    We are dealing with a very serious cancer.

    Visits
    Tell him we are keeping him in our thoughts and prayers each day.
  • DJ7
    DJ7 Member Posts: 4
    Ditto
    I was diagnosed 1/27/2010 Gleason 6 in 3 samples one 60% dicontinuously.
    So having open surgery 3/12. Going to Hopkins, Dr. Partin is doing the surgery and he recommends open over DaVinci as he said if it were me I would have the open surgery.
    Getting back to your statement about "its just prostate cancer" drives me crazy.
    I don't have a death wish and am staying positive and I do want to live but the lack of knowledge regarding PCa is mind boggling. My wife is even in denial.
    So I read excessively, talk to a few guys even on the phone and deal with this alone.
    Do I want sympathy, no but I am having more than a tooth pulled.
  • Trew
    Trew Member Posts: 931 Member
    142 said:

    Visits
    Tell him we are keeping him in our thoughts and prayers each day.

    142, I told Don about this site and you comment, that men he doesn't even know wish him the best.

    I spent a nice half hour with him. 3 times I indicated I should leave, he was in and out and I didn't want to tax his energy levels, but 3 times he indicated I should stay. He wanted to hold a hand tonight. He couldn't say little, but I talked of the school we both attended thought ten years apart. He had a number of soft smiles between hard swallows.

    This is a tough visit on eligard- my emotional base is so messed up right now, but I found it comforting being with him.

    PCa is serious stuff.

    I will be back over to see him tomorrow. I expect he will be gone by Monday. Just my guess from what I have seen before.
  • Trew
    Trew Member Posts: 931 Member
    DJ7 said:

    Ditto
    I was diagnosed 1/27/2010 Gleason 6 in 3 samples one 60% dicontinuously.
    So having open surgery 3/12. Going to Hopkins, Dr. Partin is doing the surgery and he recommends open over DaVinci as he said if it were me I would have the open surgery.
    Getting back to your statement about "its just prostate cancer" drives me crazy.
    I don't have a death wish and am staying positive and I do want to live but the lack of knowledge regarding PCa is mind boggling. My wife is even in denial.
    So I read excessively, talk to a few guys even on the phone and deal with this alone.
    Do I want sympathy, no but I am having more than a tooth pulled.

    The gold Standard
    DJ7, I just finished radiation on Jan 15. the doctor assigned to my case told be one of the big drawbacks of the deVinci surgery is that it is difficult to get many lymph node samples. The open surgery will give the doctor a pretty good look, access to over a hundred lymph nodes so he should get a very good sampling from you.

    And welcome to the fellowship. I am sorry to hear you will have to go through this process. And sympathy is ok. You are having more than a tooth pulled- you are going to have serious surgery.