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Joined: Jun 2009

I am having sudden flashes of anxiety. I think it's that the potential fatality of this disease has come back to roost. I am in a cancer support group that is, generally, very good for me and I love being a part of it. But one of our members died this week...and it's the third member to die in about a year. And that always brings the seriousness of this back to mind in a particularly glaring way.

While we also take these times to celebrate the life that we are still living, I seem to be having these anxiety flashes too. It amazes me how this disease can affect you so long after your are "cured".......

terato's picture
Posts: 383
Joined: Apr 2002

but, when I learned that someone with my diagnosis suffered a recurrence after 35 years, I have had trouble sleeping nights! You are very "normal" and very human. Most people don't realize how fragile their lives are, you and I are not so blissfully ignorant.

Love, Courage, and Peace of Mind!


grandmafay's picture
Posts: 1639
Joined: Aug 2009

My husband died in Oct., 2009, but I still go to our support group. It is sad to lose a member of the group. We lost three in the last year with two of us losing our husbands. The group has really been very supportive during my husband's illness and now. I think the anxiety is normal. I'm guessing you feel it every time you have a new test and have to wait for results, too. Cancer changes your life. You have faced your own mortality. Hopefully, your group helps you deal with that. Bring it up. I'll bet others are feeling the same way. Fay

bluerose's picture
Posts: 1102
Joined: Jul 2009

I am a 22 survivor of non hodgkins lymphoma and haven't posted in awhile but had to respond when I saw your issues of late. I am having the sme issues right now.

I check in with a counsellor every now and then when a new challenge faces me as just one more thing sometimes upsets the cart as I carry many side effects of treatments and can't handle much more. Recently I had another shock and have gone back to a trauma nad anxiety specialist (saw him way back on first diagnosis). My first appointment with him will be in 2 weeks. Last night I had another shock (the fun never ends, lol) so it's like I sensed I would need him and booked it even before this last one happened.

It's always seemed unfair somehow that we had to not only deal with cancer and all of it's side effects years later, as many of us do, but to think that life conitinues to throw at us all of the regular cwappola that everyone endures on top of it is just not fair. We should have all the 'regular' cwap put on hold as we deal with the cancer stuff, don't you think? lol. Well that isn't going to happen so I guess we just have to put one step in front of the other and hope we dont fall whenever something new hits.

That's where I have issues with anxiety and panic attacks in the last year especially, when I have another new problem area rear it's head, it's like it's one more drop falling into an already full glass. Overwhelmed.

If you live in a big city try and look to see if there are any psychologists who deal with anxiety and trauma specifically. I have long been of the opinion that many cancer survivors suffer from PTSD, many scenes from treatments or diagnosis or other scenes along the way that stick stubbornly in our minds and upset our lives. These trauma experts can help to free us from those scenes if they are trained properly to do it. Similarily with anxiety issues.

I have mentioned this before but I had a technique called EMDR (you can look up the EMDR Institute in the states) and it worked very well for me in the trauma area.

Like I said I have not seen my anxiety and trauma expert again yet for these new issues and some old ones that continue to haunt me but it has all added up, crept up on me actually, and now one little thing will put me into a panic attack.

You said a mouthful in that last sentence about how it still amazes you how long after we are cured we still have so many issues. But take heart, the specializes are beginninbg to understand our issues now, physical and emotional. Not a moment too soon either I should add and I am sure you would agree.

Hang in there and blog when you need to, we are here for you. There is healing in sharing.

Hugs, Bluerose

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