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bad news today

kapper48's picture
Posts: 85
Joined: Aug 2008

I found out today that the reason why I had blood in my urine is the cancer has spread to my bladder. I am really scared right now, its only been 7 months since I had my surgery and already its back. What a horrible day I am having right now, how do I tell my girls this news? Feeling really depressed right now.

PhillieG's picture
Posts: 4911
Joined: May 2005

Not what you wanted to hear I'm sure...
What are your options, did you talk with your Onc yet?
Maybe wait until you know more and can assure them things will be OK before talking to your girls?

What stage are you and did you do chemo after your surgery?
Try and hang in there Pat, it ain't over by any means....

kapper48's picture
Posts: 85
Joined: Aug 2008

Phil, they are telling me that we will try and zap it with radiation first, if that dosen't work then I will have to remove my bladder. I am stage 4 and this is my second time around with chemo.

Sundanceh's picture
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

Hi Pat

This is a tough one to swallow. I've heard that bladder cancer is treatable and can only hope that is the case here.

I met a guy in the hospital one time who had this and we was having his bladder remove and having a Urostomy. He was bleeding badly and it was difficult to understand - I was still new to cancer in those early days.

I don't have experience and I'm scared right along with you. I don't know how old your girls are, but I would think the best thing would be to tell them what is going on and tell them as much as you think their ages would understand. They need to know that Dad is sick.

This is tough...I'm hoping one of the wiser ones will be behind me to fill in the gaps.

I'm not going to sit here and blow smoke up your backside and tell you not to be depressed. I think right now, just getting this kind of news, anyone of us would be depressed. It's like getting hit over the head with a cast iron skillet.

Not sure how spiritual you are but if you are, please pray for some guidance...and if you do, then I'd like to join you with that.

2010 has not been too kind to our "family" this year as we start out...

I just feel so badly for you...I know that's not enough, but just talk it over with your onc and see what a potential gameplan could be.

I'm hoping that your girls and family will rally around you Pat and support you.

I certainly do - I just don't know what to say right now. This is a shock.


kapper48's picture
Posts: 85
Joined: Aug 2008

thank you Craig, I know my 3 older girls will understand but my 11 and 14 year olds are going to have a tough time with this. I have been telling them that their daddy was getting better and that the cancer was leaveing and now this.

dianetavegia's picture
Posts: 1953
Joined: Mar 2009

Pat said: I was also diagnosed with stage 4 signet ring cell in June of this year. It also spread to my small Intestines and my pelvic area. I started my chemo treatments on Monday of this week and got the pump off today.

Pat, I'm sorry to hear this. I believe your girls are all grown and remember you have grand kids. I'd let them know.

However, a new bladder can be grown now! Also, a bladder can be created from a pigs bladder. Hoping for good options and good health!

PhillieG's picture
Posts: 4911
Joined: May 2005

What will Science come up with next???
I know, a cure for cancer would be nice!

kapper48's picture
Posts: 85
Joined: Aug 2008

Hi Diane, thanks for your support, I am ok with the 3 older girls. Just worried about the 2 younger ones. I will have to check out the pigs bladder thing. I already have 1 bag and I don't think I could handle another one

CanadaSue's picture
Posts: 340
Joined: Apr 2006


I am so sorry to hear this news! I know we were devastated when we were given the same news. My husband Bill now lives with the two bags, and he says it is a small price to pay for his life.

Whatever they have to do to keep you going, I am sure you will be able to live with it.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!



just4Brooks's picture
Posts: 988
Joined: Jun 2009

Hi Pat, Sorry to hear your bad news. I think I would wait untill you get all the information for you onc before you talk with the girls. It's kind of hard to till them what's going on when you dont really know yet. Keep up the fight!!


Kathleen808's picture
Posts: 2361
Joined: Jan 2009

That is hard news to get. I'm sure you'll find the words to tell your girls but I knwo how hard it will be. Wish I had some wisdom to share. Just want you to know we are with you.


kapper48's picture
Posts: 85
Joined: Aug 2008

Thank you Kathleen

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lisa42's picture
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Joined: Jul 2008


I'm so sorry to hear this. God be with you as you process this news and think of how to share the news with your family. I'm praying for you right now.


geotina's picture
Posts: 2121
Joined: Oct 2009

Pat I am so sorry that you received the news you did. Just when you get ahead of this monster it roars its ugly head. Is this a new cancer or colon cancer that found a new home. A friend of ours has been diagnosed with bladder cancer a few months ago. So far he is receiving chemo, once every three weeks for a short period of time. Don't know how long. Then, his plan is to remove the bladder and create what is called a neo bladder out of his (I think) small intestine. There are some options out there other than another bag but if that is what you have to do then that is what you do. Just look at those girls of yours and do what you need to do. Take a deep breath, wait to tell your young girls until you have a game plan. If you are worried about the little ones, talk to someone on how to break it to them. Take care - Tina

snommintj's picture
Posts: 602
Joined: Mar 2009

My neighbor across the street had bladder cancer in the 70's. His returned a few years ago and they treated it successfully. He says the bladder can be treated easily and with good results. If this is the only place it has recurred you should be ok. I know more treatment wasn't on your agenda but once your through it you should be fine. Good luck

Nana b's picture
Nana b
Posts: 3045
Joined: May 2009

Hope and prayers.....

ganders2's picture
Posts: 13
Joined: May 2008

I am so sorry you have to deal with this. Hearing that it is back is so horrible - I have stage IV with mets to the liver, and was NED for 7 months. 7 months surely does not seem very long.
My kids are in their 20's and are both boys, so I don't have any experience with telling girls that age this kind of news, but please know my heart is with all of you. I would bet that they will respond with love and caring far beyond their years. Good luck and a big hug.

luv3jay's picture
Posts: 534
Joined: May 2009

I'm sorry to hear this news, Pat. It's really easy to be depressed at a time like this, but don't let it get the better of you. I'm sure the treatment your doctor has mapped out will do the trick...at least I'm praying it will. Hang in there.


maglets's picture
Posts: 2596
Joined: Jun 2006

Pat sorry here too to hear your crappy news. Pat I have been around 3 times now...it's hard every time the beast comes back but it can be fought Pat....thoughts and hugs


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Kathryn_in_MN's picture
Posts: 1258
Joined: Sep 2009

This sucks. I'm sorry to hear you've got another battle in front of you. But you've fought hard in the past and can do it again.

I'd wait till after an appointment with your onc to get all the details of what you will do to fight this, and then tell your girls. Maybe it is the difference in boys and girls, but my two older ones (20 & 23 - girls graduated from college, and in college) have taken this harder than my two younger ones (15 & 17 - boys in high school).

Give yourself permission to be sad, angry and whatever you need to do to process this right now. Worry about the rest later - wait till you get over the shock to talk to the kids.

kapper48's picture
Posts: 85
Joined: Aug 2008

I would like to thank everyone for your comments, and also all your thoughts and prayers. I took my family out to dinner tonight and told them all about what is going on, They all took it pretty good. I have to admit I have a wounderfull family, I just hope I am around to see them all grow up. My girls ages are 29,26,18,14,11 so as you can see my wife Carrie and I have had our hands full for quite along time. I know I have to hit this thing straight on and again put on the boxing gloves and enter the fight. I just don't know how many more times I can do this, I do think that at some point God will finally see that I am not a quitter and will help me get through this, Right now I guess I still have to prove to him that I can do this. Again I can't thank you all enough for you thoughts and prayers and hugs, this truely is a wounderfull family right here and I am glad that I am a part of it also. If you would like to know more about me and my family and how this all started you can go to caringbridge.org and type in my name one word patrickkapper

tootsie1's picture
Posts: 5056
Joined: Feb 2008


I'm glad you were able to tell your family. I know they will be a wonderful support system for you.

It's really a kick in the pants to have this thing rear its ugly head again, but I believe you can get through this. We'll all be here for you, and I know that I will pray for you and your family.


Paula G.'s picture
Paula G.
Posts: 596
Joined: Apr 2009

I just read your post. Seems like everyone has answered and had good thoughts and advice. I just want to wish you the best and I hope you will beat it down. Paula

abmb's picture
Posts: 311
Joined: Sep 2009

Pat, raising 5 girls shows that you have the strength to go head on with just about anything that comes your way. I have 2 girls and 2 boys, and I think the boys were easier. All those girls and mood swings and attitude adjustments when they were younger!!! You must be one tough person. I will pray that your cancer can be treated with the radiation and all goes well. I, also, heard that bladder cancer is very treatable, I do pray that yours is the case. Take care and God Bless. Margaret

lesvanb's picture
Posts: 911
Joined: May 2008

and am so sorry to hear about this recurrence in your bladder. We do what we need to do, but sometimes it does seem like a lot is asked of us when we have to step up. Lots of folks have passed along info, and I have nothing to add. My heart is with you.

all the best, Leslie

thready's picture
Posts: 475
Joined: Sep 2009

I am so sorry to hear about your news. I will promise to pray for you and your family.

About 2 months ago I read a report from John Hopkins that CRC people need to be aware that this thing can show up in the bladder. I will try to find the URL and post it. If my pathetic chemo brain remembers this correctly there was information about treatments.

Please take care,

pokismom's picture
Posts: 153
Joined: Jul 2009

Hi Pat,
I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. Hearing it's back is such a hard thing to swallow, I will pray for you also. My thoughts are with you as you go thru this, and hopefully your doctor will have some good ideas for treatment. I know it's easy to say but try to keep the faith.
Much love & prayers your way.

robinvan's picture
Posts: 1014
Joined: May 2007

Wow... what a lucky guy to have 5 daughters! I only have 3!
It is the toughest thing to let family know bad news. I like the way you did it.

Peace and blessings...

Rob; in Vancouver

Annabelle41415's picture
Posts: 6613
Joined: Feb 2009

So sorry for this news of the new cancer. That has to be devastating news but you will get through this. Have you talked to your doctors yet and do you have a game plan? My thoughts and prayers are with you.


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