Tomorrow (tonight) is a bit tough....

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KathiM
KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
It was 5 after midnight, I was here in Holland, 3 years ago, when the phone rang with the news my daughter had died. I still miss her, but keep her firmly in my heart. She had her moments, but also had times of joy, and the biggest smile.

I feel like turning the phones off tonight, not a single call do I want to have...my mom is elderly...I already told her she had to hang on..lol!

I got word that the settlement payout is finished. At this time, all the 'loose ends' are tied. I will send a prayer up to my dearest Miss Steph tonight, and hold her tight in my arms, and say 'Rest now, my little love'.

Thanks for letting me share...I know it's not about cancer, but it is a part of my life.

Hugs to you all, Kathi

Comments

  • HollyID
    HollyID Member Posts: 946 Member
    #2
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    Kathi...
    I so sorry you had to go through that. I can't even imagine losing a child.

    My thoughts are with you.

    (Boy, you're one tough cookie!)

    HUGS
  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    #3
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    We're Not Just a Cancer Board :)
    It's a family board as Donna aka Shayenne told me last night - all of our friends are here and this is a great place to share out life - the front page of this website, says this place is for sharing our stories with each other.

    I've learned many things from everyone here that is not cancer related and you would not expect unless told - and now I've learned more about you Kathi :)

    I am so sorry for your loss and this has to be difficult for you tonight - the pain never goes away in our lives - like Cancer, we have to learn how to "manage" our lives and live with things, but it does not make it any easier.

    I lost my sister to murder many years ago - but there is not a day that goes by where I would not give my life to be with her for a few moments...

    I can empathize with you on this one - you are such an upbeat person with a bubbly personality, but I'm glad that you are able to reveal something like this about yourself. I want to thank you for all the times that you have left replies to my posts - I know how special you are to this board.

    My sincerest condolences to you on your loss.

    Your fellow semi; Craig
  • AnneCan
    AnneCan Member Posts: 3,673 Member
    #4
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    I am so sorry for your loss
    I am so sorry for your loss & am thinking of you tonight.
  • Kathleen808
    Kathleen808 Member Posts: 2,342 Member
    #5
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    Kathi
    Kathi,
    What a very hard day to remember. What a tremendous loss. A big hug to you. :)

    Aloha,
    Kathleen
  • dianetavegia
    dianetavegia Member Posts: 1,942 Member
    #6
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    Kathi
    Seems like yesterday yet seems like a lifetime ago. I also understand.

    May you only have good memories tonight.
  • Unknown
    Unknown
    #7
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    This comment has been removed by the Moderator
  • grandma2selena
    grandma2selena Member Posts: 199
    #8
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    I am sorry
    I am sorry you are going through this. I know exactly how you are feeling, though it was not my child, it was my niece that was hit and killed when she was 13 by a deputy sherrif while she was crossing the street. I felt that same pain every year around that time and heaven forbid my phone ever rang during the middle of the night.

    That was 25 years ago, though the pain is still there it does ease and over time. My prayers are with you at this difficult time!

    Debbie
  • JDuke
    JDuke Member Posts: 438
    #9
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    grandma2selena said:

    I am sorry
    I am sorry you are going through this. I know exactly how you are feeling, though it was not my child, it was my niece that was hit and killed when she was 13 by a deputy sherrif while she was crossing the street. I felt that same pain every year around that time and heaven forbid my phone ever rang during the middle of the night.

    That was 25 years ago, though the pain is still there it does ease and over time. My prayers are with you at this difficult time!

    Debbie

    Please accept
    my sympathy for the loss of your daughter. May there be more happy memories than sad as you reflect on her life and your love for her.
    Warmly,
    Joanne
  • Shayenne
    Shayenne Member Posts: 2,342
    #10
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    JDuke said:

    Please accept
    my sympathy for the loss of your daughter. May there be more happy memories than sad as you reflect on her life and your love for her.
    Warmly,
    Joanne

    I
    AM so sorry to hear about losing your daughter, you would have to put me in a padded cell if that happened to me. My heart goes out to you, and I know there are alot of wonderful memories you have of her, I still remember to this day when my mom died, over 20 years ago like it was yesterday, and think about her everyday, the pain does go away, but it's nice to still have the memories. I will pray for you and your mom and daughter tonight. Thanks for sharing, and really, this is a great family board, and love when people can come here just to talk of something besides the cancer, since there is more to a person then that :)

    Hugsss and Love!!
    ~Donna
  • lisa42
    lisa42 Member Posts: 3,625 Member
    #11
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    hugs
    Kathi,

    Craig is right when he said we're not just a cancer board... we're people who have (or had) cancer and who have a lot of emotional aspects that we go through & we're here to support each other in all areas! My heart goes out to you- I ache at even just thought of losing one of my kids. Hugs to you, Kathi, and I feel priveliged that you chose to share your innermost thoughts and grief with us. Time will ease the pain somewhat, I imagine, but I know the pain would be the sharpest of all at this time of year for you.
    Saying a prayer for you right now to be able to cherish the memories of your daughter, and that your grief will lessen over time.

    Hugs to you,
    Lisa
  • Buzzard
    Buzzard Member Posts: 3,043 Member
    #12
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    lisa42 said:

    hugs
    Kathi,

    Craig is right when he said we're not just a cancer board... we're people who have (or had) cancer and who have a lot of emotional aspects that we go through & we're here to support each other in all areas! My heart goes out to you- I ache at even just thought of losing one of my kids. Hugs to you, Kathi, and I feel priveliged that you chose to share your innermost thoughts and grief with us. Time will ease the pain somewhat, I imagine, but I know the pain would be the sharpest of all at this time of year for you.
    Saying a prayer for you right now to be able to cherish the memories of your daughter, and that your grief will lessen over time.

    Hugs to you,
    Lisa

    Hugs to you Friend........
    and a prayer sent up to your daughter with hugs included......Love and Hope sweetie...Clift
  • phoebe1017
    phoebe1017 Member Posts: 37
    #13
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    I feel your pain
    Kathi

    I can't even imagine losing a child to this awful disease. My heart is heavy for you....
  • tootsie1
    tootsie1 Member Posts: 5,044 Member
    #14
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    Love you-I'm so sorry
    Kathi,

    I wish I could give you a real hug. I can't imagine the sadness a person must experience on losing a child.

    *hugs*
    Gail
  • ann2008
    ann2008 Member Posts: 118
    #15
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    Kathi
    I am so sorry for your loss. I can't even begin to know how you feel but know that you are in my prayers.
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #16
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    The phone didn't ring!!! BIG hugs to my family!!
    Thank you, everyone, for your kind and wonderful words. I have such a caring family in you all!!!

    I feel lighter today...as if you guys lifted me up....I can never repay your kindness!!!!

    All I can do is send warm wishes to you all....

    Hugs, Kathi
  • tiny one
    tiny one Member Posts: 465 Member
    #17
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    losing a child
    I'm so sorry! Losing a child at any age has to be the worst. Gentle hugs to you.

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