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Coping with the loss of my father

leadbellied
Posts: 1
Joined: Jan 2010

On 12/23/2009 , I lost my father to squamous lung cancer. He was a brave man that never complained about the pain or sufferings he had to endure while this horrible disease consumed his frail body. The doctor that diagnosed him had horrible bedside manner , one of which I hope he never has to receive news that his parent or loved one only has weeks to live. I thought it was best that my dad not know the bleek future of his personal being, I did not want depression to set in and give him more of a reason to just give up and tank his life away. He was admitted into a nursing care facility, they took great care of him as well as the hospice they did a great job caring for him as well. Weeks went by, and eventually months and I thought maybe dad can kic this thing and be able to get strong enough for cemo, but that was not the case. My dad evenually lost his couragous battle a little more then a week ago and I still am in a depression state. He was my best friend, I do not think I will EVER stop thinking about him at least some point throughout my day. I have resentment towards my brother and sister because they did not make the best of the situation throughout their lives. They had at least 15 more years then myself to be around my dad and they did not do so, why would you NOT want to be around such a wonderful individual. I now my sentances are broken, my words do not make sence but if I can convay one thing do not waist time, love your family because when their gone, their gone.
I love you dad.
-Steve

Tabbie70
Posts: 1
Joined: Jan 2010

Steve--
My prayers extend to you in the loss of your Dad. I just lost my step-dad two days before this past Christmas ( Decemember 22, 2009). He had stage 4 Lung Cancer, and developed pneumonia..spiraled down from there, as he never survived the hospital admission. Half of his organs had shut down, that the cancer had spread to his liver, and was told by the physicians that he would not get better. We had the life support removed at around 2:30pm, and he passed at 3:10pm. I was blessed that I got close to him, and then held his hand from the point when the live support was being removed to his last breath and heartbeat. It was the hardes thing I had ever had to do, as we were told he could have at least 18 months with the treatment. We never expected him to pass so quickly ( diagnosed the begining of Nov 2009). I lost my father to stage 4 tonsillar cancer that had spread to his lungs, back in August 2003.

God Bless
Tabbie

cobra1122's picture
cobra1122
Posts: 244
Joined: Jul 2009

I can only offer my deep sorrow for your losses, but I can also say that in this they have no more suffering and are in a better place.
I am a 2yr survivor with multiple Health issues and I am on Hospice, My family has learned to cherish everyday we have. My 3 children and 5 grandchildren have supported me through out this of which I am so greatful, and we are creating memories for them.
My wife and I are enjoying every moment of everyday, we live for today and let the future stay there, it will be here soon enough.
What time you have had with your Dads will always be with you, I wish I could say the sadness will go away, but I cant. I can only say it will lessen in time.
But you have the ability to talk with him and see him anytime you want, at least I do with my father in my mind. I remember his voice and the way he would answer questions, so sometimes I close my eyes and talk with him. I have memories to fall back on, which you do too.
In time the pain will lessen and you will be able to fall back on your memories, and when you do you will hold those memories close and cherish them. It is sad that others didnt take advantage of the time they had with him, but that is their choice and they will live with that. I have had many people step back , because they cant deal with the reality of what is going on, I cant be mad at them, I am sadden, but I live my life and cant force anyone to deal with what they dont want to.
It's their loss because those around me are still creating memories with me, and realize to that no one has a forsure future.

Our Prayers and Best Wishes to You and Your Family, and your Dads are in a better place someday you will see him again,

Dan (cobra1122) and Margi Harmon

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