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lonely

damama24
Posts: 175
Joined: Nov 2009

I just want to thank all of the people who post and reply to all the people on this site. But, I have a question. What do all of you do to combate the lonliness? Sometimes I feel so all alone I can't stand it anymore. I come here and read the posts and chat some but it just doesn't seem to be enough.

Shayenne's picture
Shayenne
Posts: 2370
Joined: Jan 2009

I know how lonely this disease can be, sometimes it's good to be alone, sometimes it's not, and when I feel lonely I may call a friend, I actually start cleaning lol...I come here as well, but I also like to read, so I do read books as well, and that's kind of me time. I take the kids out alot, I have 4, so I'm not alone alot, they like to make sure I'm ok, and are usually all around me, we play alot of cards and board games.

Do you have family you can talk too or hang out with? a friend to go to lunch with, see a movie? I actually have gone to movies by myself, but maybe making friends through even a local cancer support group who is also going through what you are going through would be helpful as well.

It kinda takes steps to approach or want to meet other people, that's for sure, but it's nice to have people you can also do things with once in awhile. How about a church, or volunteering at a hospital or nursing home, I like to get out when I'm lonely and try and find something to do, and have been debating about doing that myself.

Hugsss!
~Donna

dorookie
Posts: 1736
Joined: Jul 2007

Sometime we can be extremely lonely in a crowd, its hard when you cant seem to find someone to share or someone that might be knowing what your going through. I like all of Donna's ideas, maybe you could try some of them sometimes. Maybe a walk in a park where you can watch others doing things and not have to think so much about you not doing something, make sense?

I know it might not seem like this helps, but please know you are not alone here. We have all been where you are at at one time or another, caregivers too. We are always here for you.

HUGS
Beth

thready's picture
thready
Posts: 475
Joined: Sep 2009

It is hard to be lonely, I really like people so a few hours alone is hard!!!! One Monday I almost called my church and asked them to send someone over! I could not drive because of the ickies and the meds I was on so I could not go visit. One other day I went for a walk and got to see neighbors coming and going, waved at them-it was great! Sometimes it is the simple things. I think the exercise thing has really been the most helpful.

Just wondering do you have a favorite past time? Can you get the to library or a communinty center? I know our area has a cancer support group, but I don't always want to talk about cancer, I want to get away from it. I like to quilt and there are several quilt stores in my area, one has an area that people can just go sew and work on their projects, it is great because there are people there and I can just be me. This sort of stuff works great if I feel well, but treatment weeks are tough.

The hardest thing for me is to ask for help, but I am learning and one thing I need help with is asking to have people around. There are those who back away but I have found that there are those who do not mind spending a bit of time and even call just out of the blue!

Let us know what things you like to do, your interests etc. There are those who are part of local acting groups, Brooks paints, Adrian is also an artist etc. I have a friend that is a Hodgkins survivor, during her treatment and radiation she read a biography for every letter in the alpha bet, she said she really had to work hard to get done before the treatments were over.

Look forward to hearing form you
Jan

Shayenne's picture
Shayenne
Posts: 2370
Joined: Jan 2009

Think of that! I belong to community theater, and we all have a blast putting on shows at the old Ariel Theater, it's alot of fun. You can see the theater here:

http://www.arieltheatre.org/

I've also met old friends I lost contact with, and now keep in touch with on Facebook and MySpace, and it's been great at connecting with other people who even just want to play a game on there with you.

Hope this helps as well!

Hugsss!
~Donna

damama24
Posts: 175
Joined: Nov 2009

Thank you for the suggestions. My problem is I'm stuck at home most days with no transportation. My friends were all work friends and they are still working and don't really have time to spend with me. My children are all grown and have lives of their own.It just seems like it's me at home by myself everyday all day. It's bad when you look forward to chemo just to get out of the house.

dorookie
Posts: 1736
Joined: Jul 2007

can relate, she has Fibro, and does not work. It keeps her pretty much house bound as well. She has struggled with depression and has had a really hard time, not to mention having to watch me go through all my surgeries and treatments. She does alot of email and plays on the computer, its been extremely hard for her as well. But I am hoping this move to a new state and city will do her some good. I know this probably doesnt help but just wanted you to know that I know what you are going through and it can be hell. Please stay strong and I will be praying for you...

Got to run, pack pack pack..

God Bless
Beth

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 6183
Joined: Feb 2009

Welcome to the boards. You have joined a wonderful new group who is to now become your new family. We will be here to support you and try to answer your questions and concerns.

I am sorry you are lonely, but like the others have said this disease is lonely. I know that when my husband by my side he knows all that is going on and I still can be lonely at times. No one knows what going through all this does to ones emotional stability. The above answers and suggestions are great and a good place to start. Talk to your doctor too, they might be able to help you also with some meds. Make sure you get enough sleep and are eating properly. Rent a funny movie, or invite someone over for dinner. Just try to keep active if possible.

Come here when you feel lonely and post your thoughts and feelings. There is usually someone here to answer you at all hours of the day or night. It's tough and a huge struggle to be happy all the time, so don't think you need to be. If someone told you they are while going through this they are lying.

Good luck! Kim

Shayenne's picture
Shayenne
Posts: 2370
Joined: Jan 2009

The feeling of being housebound with no car, my hubby would take our only car to work, and I'd be home with the babies, day and night, he'd come home late, too late to do anythingfor years..even missed alot of parties I wanted to do at their schools.. You can't do much without a car, is there a transporatation service your community has to offer? I know we opted getting another car, we have too, or else I was going to bounce off the walls, go outside and take walks, that I did, but it really is hard to do a thing without transportation.

Hugsss!!
~Donna

PamPam2's picture
PamPam2
Posts: 376
Joined: Jan 2009

Hi
You can contact your local american cancer society, they do help with some transportation, is there public transportation in your area? For people with disability in my area, they provide transportation from home. You could perhaps get transportation to a support group? You could call the support group, or hospital and ask if there is any transportation available. Maybe the local senior citizens is an option, you don't necessarily have to be a senior to participate, they may be able to pick you up, they have meals there every day and lost of activites. The ACS usually has some services for those who are homebound, they have volunteers who can visit, and ministers are always glad to make home visits, they will visit, and if you don't want it, won't preach or talk all religion, they will just visit. I can relate to your feelings, I live alone, and no family to speak of. If you can find some way to get out of the house, for some little activity a few times a week, and be among people it will help. I am able to drive, but I do spend a lot of time alone, I rarely have any company at my home. One thing that helps me a lot is I have a cat, she is so much company for me, my other cat got out and disappeared 3 weeks ago, I lasted 2 weeks and had to go to the shelter to get another. You could think about getting a little dog, or cat, or bird, pets are good to have, they give you something to take care of and talk to. I hope you can find a way to decrease your lonliness.
Pam

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

Hi there

Loneliness is a TOUGH enemy to fight - it's one of the biggies I think.

I've gone at this for over 5 years and have had many lonely spells - I've always been pretty good at combating those feelings and can keep myself entertained, but there are times when the walls close on and there is a helpless isolated, disconnected feeling between yourself and the rest of the world. I understand this all to well.

Recently, I went for lung surgery - the last 8 weeks, I have been a prisoner at home as I'm unable to drive a car yet due to the pain issues, so I've been locked down 24 hours a day except to go to the doctor, dentist, or post office - my wife has had to drive me for those days...but she is working and works alot of nights.

I've got limited family that won't help, no friends close by, neighbors are all busy with their lives and when you can't drive and be independent, things can close in on you as the hours just pass by.

I have found that the NIGHT is the worst for me - you watch the sun rise, and you watch it set, and all go dark, and you are alone - You, Yourself and I.

Sometimes, it can be overwhelming - as I've stated and you've read, I do understand this feeling.

Recovering from a surgery and being in constant pain combined with being lovely is a tough prescription for anyone - I'm weathering it well, but last night, it got to me as I was working on Christmas cards to help ease my loneliness last night.

I've always said, the battle is in the MIND - and if you can win there, then things go better. It's ok to feel alone, your feelings are natuaral.

I wish someone would come by here and visit, or just call, or just email...would make the difference...alot of times this loneliness can equate to you feeling that it just does not matter and that you do not matter - but people are running their lives and just don't take the time.

I wish I had an answer for you - it's daytime this morning and I feel better although I dread the night again, but will just work on my cards and stay busy - I'll be back to work in a few weeks.

Your post touched me this morning - especially having lived some of what you were saying last night...it breaks my heart when someonee hurts like that...we all want to be loved and have companionship.

Try to hang in there and come to the board - they do help me when I get blue.

-Craig

coloCan
Posts: 1956
Joined: Oct 2009

whether due to the dark, silence, lack of activity, the fact that you ARE alone in bed, and I seem to be alone with my thoughts more so at night than during the day. Both our pets died before my Dx, as did my mother.Rest of family useless to me now as is only friend. Its just me and my girlfriend,doctors, nurses,etc and the people here.If I go out for a walk, I take pleasure in looking at the sky,clouds,trees,etc and try to avoid people as immune system compromised from chemo,etc.How anyone fights this battle totally alone taKES alot of inner strength (takes alot of inner strenth evewn with a large support group). To avert loneliness i divert myself with crime shows on TV,my magazines/books, tho I don't read near as much as I used to,sometimes music and the internet. But no matter how lonely or down I get I know I can't dwell on it as it won't help my battle.....Steve

KATE58's picture
KATE58
Posts: 300
Joined: Nov 2009

I am alone a lot too, my parents and half my siblings have passed and the last 3 sisters are in nebraska,w.va and arizona,not much contact since i've been sick.
i'm divorced live alone .I never had a problem with lonliness until this past couple months.
I had always liked being alone.now,not so much.
then i found this site and it feels like home.
theres always someone to talk to.

then a friend of mine,whom I had always teased about her obsession with a facebook game,
FARMVILLE- started to really bug me about playing with her-I think she started sensing that I needed something to do-so I relented and i know it's silly ,but I'm having fun.
It surprised me.So now I spend 2-3 hours a day here.on facebook or harvesting crops ,plowing fields,collecting eggs and milking cows-actually my avatar does all the labour,I supervise.
( yep I'm the BOSS !! )lol

I also have my bible study group on thursday mornings and church on sunday,but I do have a vehicle and I remember when I married my 2nd husband he did not want me to work outside the home and we only had the one car.he would have me drive him to work and keep the car if I needed it,but it wasn't the same .finally he bought me a car and I never really used it (all my friends worked in the day ) but just having it in the drive way and knowing i could up and go whenever I wanted to go.made me not care about going! I still stayed home most days.

The hardest thing for me is before I got sick i used to kickbox and I lived in colorado
and spent my weekends in the rockies hiking,biking and snow shoeing.I've been wanting to at least get back into my kickboxing and weightlifting,but everytime I mention this to my doctors
they turn pale and look horrified.they tell me to WALK !! If I had a walking buddy I would go out maybe on the APPPALACIAN TRAIL I really,really miss the woods.

if you are on facebook,or would like to be( its free) PM me and I'll tell you how to find me.IF YOU ARE INTERSTED.
You do not say how old you are(ROUGHLY)or what your interests are.knowing that would give us a better idea of how to advise you
Good luck to you
GOD BLESS
Kate

karguy's picture
karguy
Posts: 1024
Joined: Apr 2009

It's hard when you have no transportation.If you can find somthing you like,and start a hobby,or several hobbies.I used to walk around the neighborhood,or even around the yard.And then I would make different projects in the garage just for something to do.I also read alot,and watch alot of movies on cable.I hope this helps,but sometimes it is hard to cope,but you can always come here.

cyndi2324's picture
cyndi2324
Posts: 72
Joined: Oct 2009

I'm sorry you are having a a rough patch. Looks like the others have covered everything I would offer except it may sound weird but I found that if I play a song I like and sing along it cheers me up. Take care as some saying and or old song says "no man (or woman) is an island".
Cyndi

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5056
Joined: Feb 2008

I think it has to do with feeling that a lot of the time you're in the midst of people who have no idea of what you're dealing with or how major it can feel. I have those feelings sometimes, too. I had it a lot after my husband had a sudden cardiac arrest (he was revived). I would be in a room full of people, and I felt so incredibly lonely, because there was no one else there who had experienced the same thing. I do a lot of praying and walking.

*hugs*
Gail

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