When do you give up hope?

tartos Member Posts: 15
edited March 2014 in Lung Cancer #1
Well my Dad went into hospital the other week because his pain was too much. After a bone and CT scan they have told us that the cancer has spread to the 2nd lung plus other bones.

In a word they have told me that they cannot do anymore for him and now is in palative care.
There is an option maybe to do another round of chemo which apparently will knock him around alot and may make things even worse. The good news is that he is home and getting the love and care he needs.

I guess what I am asking, is that it? Has anyone been told this news and what was the outcome?

Surprisingly my Dad is handling this very well and my Mum has done a great job giving him every chance possible. My dad has given me amazing courage and because he so brave.

My dad is 79 and never smoked but some how got small cell lung cancer. Should I be angry or just grateful that he has lived to this age and was a great Dad?

Take care everyone and God bless



  • soccerfreaks
    soccerfreaks Member Posts: 2,788
    Comes a time

    I would first advise that anger is useless. It is also unreasonable. I suspect that most people who habituate this site will tell you that cancer has no protocol, has no prejudice, does not look for those of a certain gender, race, or proclivity for this vice or that.

    There are any number of cancer survivors who never smoked a cigarette in their lives, were not alcoholics, did not work in shipyards filled with asbestos and lead, were not painters back in the day using lead-based paints, whatever: cancer does not care.

    Cancer takes infants, Aldo, as well as 79-year olds and all of those between. That is a sad but true fact. Much is being done to discern WHY it chooses certain people, but choose them it does, and it is not prejudiced.

    I would hope that your dad has lived a good life, and that you have been a good part of that good life. I would hope that, in the time he has left, based on your description of the situation, you are there for him, that you let him know how much you love him, that you let him know how much he has meant to you (as he clearly has), that you share with him both his stories and yours, that you laugh, that you hope, albeit without unrealistic expectations, and that you then laugh again.


    In my opinion, it is good that dad is home. He is probably where he most wants to be, surrounded by those he most wants to be with, among things he is most familiar with.

    Be grateful, I would say, and I have a feeling Dad and Mum would agree.

    Best wishes to dad and his family.

    Take care,

  • cobra1122
    cobra1122 Member Posts: 244
    Always Hope
    Unfortunately, I can't say it will turn out alright the way you want. But it sounds as though your Dad is at least at peace with what is going on. I have first hand knownledge about most of what he has gone through as I am on Hospice and I am 49 yrs old. Cancer doesn't have any lines that it won't cross.
    But I have been on Hospice for 11 months, way longer than they expected, so there still may be time to create memories and spend quality time together. Never give up hope, but realize that we all someday will pass and this is our nature, no matter how hard we fight it. If you read my bio you will understand that I have been fighting it for quite awhile and from many different illness.
    Have wonderful times with your Dad and Mum, enjoy these times and chersih them. Live, laugh and love that is the best medicine at this point. The Future will come soon enough, but you and your family need to enjoy today and live for today.
    I was diagnosis in 08 with stage 4 that had mets to other regions of my body, they did palative treatments (chemo) and although as I said if you read my bio you will see I have numerous other health issues I am still going strong, and I plan on going for quite awhile, tho I cant tell the future, I still have Hope.

    Our Prayers and Best Wishes to You Dad, you, and Your Family,

    Dan and Margi Harmon

    P.S. Never give up Hope, always be supportive and positive, keep each other smiling the tears will come but they should be of happy times.