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Posts: 6
Joined: Nov 2009

Hi, my name is Rose. I am a 26 year old cancer survivor.

I was diagnosed with ALL when I was 18, my world stopped for three years, then I was told I was in remission and to go back to my life. What is life after cancer? I'm still trying to figure that out.

I've been in remission since August 2002, I went through chronic hip pain from 2002 to 2007, until it was finally discovered that the chemo I was given had attacked my joints, cutting off blood circulation in my hip joints, killing the bone and my hips practically crumbled, hence the pain. I then went from double hip surgery. Now that I am over the pain, I'm feeling lost.

I just want people like me to talk to, so I feel like I fit in somewhere, I need to talk to people that can relate to what I've been through. Over these past few years, I've been dealing with depression and alienation because there is nobody around me that can relate.

marywest's picture
Posts: 135
Joined: Sep 2009

Rose your are not alone. I hate cancer and I hate what it does to people. Its been almost 7 months since my last radiation treatment, I am still healing up very slowly but I am healing up. I went through some depression myself. I was a very active person and everything I had loved to do was swept away. At the beginning when I first heard I had cancer, I had all these obstacles to face, chemo, surgery etc. I had goals to get through them and get it all over with. I was left with horrible pain, chemo destroyed my nerve endings and i couldnt walk. Finaly I started getting over the pain and starting to feel physicaly a little better, but my mind felt like it was slipping. Everyday it seemed like I was negative regarding myself. I didnt' like how i looked, I still didnt' have the energy to visit people, I had no goals. I didn't even have the energy to come up with goals. I sunk into a very poor me attitude and was feeling lost. I had to change my thinking or else nothing was going to change in my life. Actions follow thoughts. Changing the thoughts in your heart and the words that come out of your mouth about yourself has to be the first step. You decide that you want to live life and you want to live it more abundantly. We dont' want to sit around until we die. Now is the time to live. If need be, get a pen and paper and start writing some goals for yourself. Immediate goals and goals down further down the road. Start looking at what you can do for someone else. When you think of others it gets your mind off yourself. there are people who despartly need to be loved, people who are lost and scared, without hope and without God. the beginning of a new life is who can you bless, what can you do for someone else. If your working, great, if not, think of going back to school, one class at a time. Specialize in something where you could put your heart into it. Life is in giving. Some one needs you and if you dont' give who will. If its going to be then its up to me, that is a motto to live by. Its also very important to talk nice to yourself, it takes practice because it is real easy to say negative things, like I hate my life, I have nothing to do, I am no one. Those words add up and the more negatives we say the more we start to beleive them. No more. I also know there are times you need someone to talk to, no doubt, we carry alot of weight inside our hearts. I am suggesting you post what you just said above into another catagory so the women and men can see what your are saying, there are so many people on this site who truly care and will love and build you up like none other. I dont' think to many go to this particular site and read, so please post it in another. You are not alone, your sweet and beautiful, I am praying right now that your needs get met, your life changes, instead of darkness you will have light, loneliness will change into friendship, and from feeling empty to haveing life more than you can ask or think. God Bless you sweetie. I am here for you and others will be to.

Posts: 53
Joined: Nov 2009

I know I am not young as you are but I am 32 had cancer since I was 29 (bladder and prostrate cancer) and they gave up fixing them and removed both. I must admit I still am not over it even though the surgery has been a year ago. I feel less of a man for many reasons. I worked hard all my life and I still am not aloud to work and I can never do the jobs I used to be so known for in my area. I have been depresed also and my girlfriend says she dont know why(lets say I think we may not be done) I know I am different now and I have the habit of pushing people away but I also want them closer to me. I know this is must sound strange but I do not ever know what I want because I am scared of whats next in line for me. I always have the fear more may happen since my Dr. so nicely put it. They tried Chemo on me in the begining but I had an allirgic reaction to it so that was something that made the problems and pain worse. I know I do not know what ur going through but I can say the same for you; we all have are ways or dealing or not dealing with the cancer.

Posts: 6
Joined: Nov 2009

Thank you for the kind words and thoughts. I know we are all different (I wouldn't want anybody to be in my shoes, especially with what I went through with the chronic pain for so many years), and we all deal differently. I'm still searching for that sweet spot to help deal better than I already am. It's not so much that I'm depressed about what I went through with the cancer. I'm more depressed about the things I can't do now. About the things I want to do but can't.

I searched out this website because I'm tired of the alienation with my family and friends that won't even talk to me anymore, so I thought coming here I can remind myself I'm not alone at all. That there are people like me who went through the same thing as me.

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