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feel so ineffective

Posts: 102
Joined: Sep 2009

Hubby has deteriorated drastically over the last week and on Tuesday I had to call the ambulance because he could not move. He is now in hospital. The doctors have suggested he be moved to a hospice unit. Hubby asked me early on to try to keep him home and not in a hospice unit. However all the facilities I have spoken have indicated they will only help with meds and not with any part of his care. Paramjeet is tall and weighs 90kg+ It takes 3 nurses to sponge him down in hospital. How am I supposed to do that at home on my own. I am spending 14 hour days at hospital because they seem short staffed. He cannot talk beyond yes and no and sometimes he says yes when he means no. I feel awful that I may not be able to bring him home. Then there is the need to ensure the kids are involved which is hard because the hospital is an hour away.
He does not have much time left and yesterday I told him that the kids and I would be ok and that it was ok for him to let go. He just looks so miserable it was time to set him free.
I have been trying to make arrangements and although there are so many Sikhs living in our area none of the funeral directors in the area seem to have a clue what to do. I just feel like everything harder than it should be.
I feel like I am expected to hold it all together while the rest of the family (his sisters) flounder around attending to their own needs.
Ok am off to the hospital now.

terato's picture
Posts: 383
Joined: Apr 2002


Don't be afraid to request assistance from hospice personnel, they are there to make the "transition days" easier for both patients and family members. Explain your needs just as you have explained them here.

Love and Courage!


grandmafay's picture
Posts: 1639
Joined: Aug 2009

Your name says it all. You are only human. Don't beat yourself up over that. If you can't care for him at home and you feel that he will be better cared for in a hospice unit, you have done what you promised - kept him home as long as you could. Whatever you decide, don't let guilt guide you. Do what you think is best for all of you. This is a very hard time even without the additional responsibilities you have to your children. You have already done one of the hardest things by telling him it's ok to let go and assuring him that you will be alright. That was my husband's greatest concern and I'm sure that's his, too. Take care, Fay

SonSon's picture
Posts: 186
Joined: Jul 2009


Many hospice programs provide assistance at home.

I don't know where you are - but Seasons Hospice has many locations in the country and provide care at home.

I understand your husband's wish to be at home. We did this for my mother-in-law and I am so glad we did.


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