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Feeling not as helpless and hopeless

chrisk06's picture
Posts: 114
Joined: Nov 2009

Well I fianlly convinced the ER Dr. to admit my husband and find out why hes not eating and losing weight. In the ER yesterday he weighed 120 pounds. They did a CT today so we are waiting for those results. My husbands friends flew his daughter in from out of town in hopes that he will listen to her, and so that she can help me while I work. They gave him magestrol (i think) he hasn't really said if it is working or not. They also want to start him on physical therapy. He is still resistant to everything they are doing, but if that CT comes back fine, he's got to find the will to fight. If the CT comes back with bad news, I will accepts the fact that he doesn't want andy chemo or radiation.

I am a little "miffed" with the fact that now that his daughter is here that I feel as though her and his friends, which by the way have never even attempted to help me until now, are invading my life. Yeah I want my husband to get better, but at the end of the day, I AM THE ONE WHO TAKES CARE OF HIM. I am the one who has been there everyday. Maybe I am wrong about this, but this is how I feel.

I ffel bad for the nutrionist. He refuses a feeding tube and refuses the boost and ensure, no matter which way you blend it. He doesn't like the taste. There are days that I feel like I have no fight left, and today is one of them. I talk about not having any fight left, thats selfish considering my husband is the one fighting to recover from this ugly beast!

Thank you guys for listening! I really appreciate it.


mumphy's picture
Posts: 486
Joined: Jun 2009

Hi Chris,

I'm glad to see that your husband is at least in the hospital where they can take care of the situation no matter how things turn out.

You have every right to be upset these are your feelings and as caretakers NO ONE KNOWS WHAT WE GO THROUGH ON A DAILY BASIS. WE ALSO START TO GET VERY TERRITORIAL, I KNOW I AM
I DON'T EVEN LIKE IT SO MUCH WHEN THE HOME CARE NURSE COMES TWICE A WEEK SINCE AL HAD HIS SURGERY. The bottom line is you have feelings and you need to get them out and thats why
we come here! Someone is always here to listen.

You make think that its to little to late, but at least they are trying. Give it a chance
you need a break, and let them actually see what you have been doing all of these months.

God Bless,

chrisk06's picture
Posts: 114
Joined: Nov 2009


Thank you for the words of encouragement. I just hoope and pray those results come back clear and that all he needs is my love and LOTS of food!

Please keep us in your prayers.


Posts: 70
Joined: Nov 2009

My husband takes Magestrol, or the generic version of it. Give it a couple of days to kick in. Has your husband tried the Carnation VHC (very high calorie)? It tasted okay, better than the Boost or Ensure. Boost also makes a fruit juice which was drinkable.

MOE58's picture
Posts: 649
Joined: May 2009


No matter what happens you have done everything you possibly could do, if something happens where he gives up than you know in your heart you have done everything possible you could have done for him, It is now up to him to do the fight, if he wants to live he has to be the one to do it, not you not his daughter not anybody, he has too, I think you have done a wonderful job by reading your post that you have posted, please don't think you are being a pain, that is what we are here for, why if I wouldn't have had this site I wouldn't have made it this far. I just want you to know we are all here for you no matter what, I know how it is to take care of a loved one and work too, by the end of the day you are so tired you just want to collapse, I too am one like that. I will say for my husband to be so stubborn in the years I have known him he does listen to the doctor which i am so thankful for, because otherwise he wouldn't be here now.

I wish you the best of luck and I too hope there is nothing on the scan but please keep us posted.


K_ann1015's picture
Posts: 555
Joined: Aug 2009

Chris---I feel so much for you. My mom has only had to deal with a fraction of what you have had to deal with. My dad is so particular---doesn't like the Carnation VHC at all, he takes his ensure---because the nutritionist said he may not be a candidate if he didn't gain weight.. (But then again--- Mom and I had been saying this for weeks!!..) She is sick of nagging--but what are the options? You are doing the right thing--by trying to get him help, venting (but not at him--but here where others have been through this). It is so OK to feel a little resentful... Aren't you human?

Just make sure that resentment doesn't overflow if his daughter somehow has the effect to change his behavior or appetite. You never know God's plan... No matter what happens after the daughter or friends come---it won't change what YOU did... It will all work together. Somehow, I think your husband will have to see HOPE--- if he is to make himself eat, and try to get better. Old friend and family may give him some primitive sense of hope---but you are the stable force that he needs to really recover.

I don't know if I am making sense--but pray that I am-so don't give up--or he truly will. COme o this site for hope and encouragement whenever you need to.

email if want---bkpriest@insightbb.com

Posts: 252
Joined: Mar 2009

You are doing the very best you can. My mom is also having problems with my dad's eating. He's doing well right now, but he's on a break from chemo and can eat. He's VERY particular during his chemo and really gives my mom a TERRIBLE fit. She feels like you at times that she just can't keep pushing him. Anyway, just keep doing what you are doing!!! That way, no matter what happens you know you tried EVERYTHING!!! Hang in there. I know it's hard. I'm in the same situation as Kim above, it's my dad and my mom is the one dealing with my dad on a daily basis. Keep praying for the strength to deal with this. Stay positive as much as possible around him, but come here to vent!!!


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