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Posts: 3
Joined: Nov 2009

My mother, 73, has SCLC. We are past the point of chemo. No more active treatment. I now have Hospice coming twice a week. After much discussion over the past few months, both of my parents are still in denial. The chemo, loss of hair & weight, and weeks in the hospital have not convinced them that we are near the end. I have had all the doctors involved talk to them to no avail. Here's the real problem, I have recieved a pre-planning package from our funeral home. I showed it to my father who immediately hid it away saying they don't need it. I want my mother to leave with the same dignity as she lead her life. I feel her service should be her decision. How do I jump this hurtle gently or should I just drop the subject and handle it when the time comes?
Thanks, Pat

PBJ Austin
Posts: 347
Joined: Mar 2009

First of all I am sorry for what you and your family are going through, this must be a such a difficult time in your lives.

I think you are very wise to think ahead. However if your mom doesn't want to discuss any plans for the funeral then you must respect that. I would like to say as kindly and as respectfully as possible, the funeral itself is not as important as your remaining time with her. So put it on the back burner and enjoy your remaining time with her as much as possible. When the time comes you and your dad can make the arrangements. Like everyone on this board you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Posts: 3
Joined: Nov 2009

Yes, it has been difficult and I spend as much quality time with both of my parents as I possibly can. Thank you for your advise. I dearly appreciate any advice from others who understand what we are dealing with.
Take care. My prayers for everyone,

cobra1122's picture
Posts: 244
Joined: Jul 2009

I am currently on Hospice and have had the reverse reaction when I raise the subject, but I have found that given time my wife has been more receptive of the conversation. Tho, there are areas we still can not go to, so I have learned that time to deal with the situation can be helpful, and din't push the issue.
Spend time with your parents and make loving memories, be supportive even when you disagree, because that is what is needed now support.
If you read my bio you find I am not very old, but I have learned that love, attitude and support go along way. I learned long ago to accept my future as it is, but sometimes people have a hard time dealing with mortality, and they will even refuse to deal with it at all ever. you sound like you want only the best for them and the only way to do that right now is let them deal with this in thier own way.
I have 3 kids and 5 grandkids, they all have a hard time even thinking about the future, but I just tell them lets live today and will deal with the future when its here.
They know my wishes and thats all thats important on that subject, I have to leave it in thier hands that when the time comes they can make the right desicions.

Our Prayers and Best Wishes to your parents, you and your family,

Dan and Margi Harmon

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