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tammy m.'s picture
tammy m.
Posts: 3
Joined: Oct 2009

My 51 year old husband has stage 4 lung cancer that has spread to his kidney and brain. They have done radiation treatments to both areas but have told us they are no longer looking for a cure that he is terminal. I have a hard time accepting that. My mother has now been told she has stage three esophageal cancer and is getting ready to start chemo and radiation. I am just looking for someone to talk to.

soccerfreaks's picture
Posts: 2800
Joined: Sep 2006

We are here for you tammy. I do not know what to say at this point, but we are here for you.

I am a lung cancer survivor; before that I also managed to get through head/neck cancer (tongue and neck to be specific). But that does not help you.

You have a tough row to hoe, tammy, that is for sure. I have said from the beginning that being a caregiver is much harder than being a survivor, and I stand by that to this day.

If I can help in any way, from a survivor's perspective, please do not hesitate to post and I will do my best to respond. I am sure that others will too. In the meantime, consider also posting in both the Caregivers and Emotional Support boards. There are a lot of caring people in those boards as well, many of them more familiar with the caregiver role that you are undertaking.

Best wishes to your entire family. As for you, please remember that to be a good caregiver, one must take good care of the giver :). Make time for yourself as you can. It will be of benefit to all.

Take care,


Oceansand's picture
Posts: 12
Joined: Oct 2009

Tammy, sorry to hear about your husband and mother. Know that you all are in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there and let us hear from you again.

Posts: 47
Joined: Oct 2009

Hi Tammy: My heart goes out to you. I am 53 and was diagnosed with Stage 3B lung cx in May of this year. I just finished chemo/radiation treatment. First scans after treatment are next week -- I have no idea what I will hear and I know my husband and I are as likely as not to hear what you and your husband have just heard. What can we say or do? You reach into whatever your supports are and live each day.

Please know you are not alone -- I hope that helps. If you have supportive family/friends, let them be. Let them help -- I know it's hard to do. And please, please continue to use this discussion board. If I can be of any help to you, please let me know.

catcon49's picture
Posts: 398
Joined: Aug 2008

Hi Tammy, I am very sorry to hear about your husband and your mother. No one should have to deal with two loved ones at the same time. Very difficult. I am a stage Ia lung cancer survivor and caretaker for my 78year old mother who is stage IIIC ovarian cancer survivor. I didn't need chemo, but she did 6 rounds and it was not pleasant. I guess it could have been alot worse, she had no nausia. But it definitely weakened her. Now they found a spot on her lung, she wants no more treatments. I can understand, but I also can't understand it. I hope all goes well for you and your family. You will be in my prayers.

Posts: 5
Joined: Oct 2009

There are great people and very supportive here
Will pray for your family and for you to have strength
Huge hug for you

Posts: 10
Joined: Nov 2009

My name is Tammy too. In 2001, my sister had several lumps on her left foot and the Dr. said that they were normal tumors. She went in for surgery, just to take the lumps out. In 2006, those lumps came back larger and finally they found out that was cancer. They cut her foot to her ankle and she went back for exam after that they told her that everything was clear. In mid 2008, she had dignosed that it had spread to her left lung. She finally went on chemo in Oct. of 2008.....She is very weak now and they has stopped the chemo after ten times.
She lives in Vietnam. I am so sad since I could only help her to pay some of the chemo cost and cannot see her because I live too far away. The last couple of days, she is more sick and she doesn't have enough blood count.
I just read your a post and hope that poster could tell me more about the supplements. So hope that with chemo and supplements could help her. However, his email address was no longer good. :(


Posts: 10
Joined: Oct 2009

Hi Tammy,
I am so sorry for you and your family !!!! My mom is a 12 year survior of non small cell lung cancer , and just last week diagnossed with small cell lung cancer. she starts her chemo today , I am scared to death, So I can only imagine how you feel. My prayers go out to you, your mom, and your husband.I am new to this site, but from what I am reading everyone is so caring, and willing to listen and offer support , which is great .. the care giver support section looks very helpful too... God Bless and stay strong , and don't forget to take care of your self too ...

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