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help me

Posts: 13
Joined: Oct 2009

My 43 year old husband was diagnosed this month with stomach and liver cancer. What do I do next. The doctor did not offer no hope past 10 months. I can not stop crying. Time has stood still, my world has ended. I do not want my husband to spend his last months (if theses are his last months) seeing his wife of 22 years crying all the time---how do I be strong?

Bbbear88's picture
Posts: 16
Joined: Apr 2009

Don't give up. Doctors have been wrong on their estimates many times. I have a best friend a call my little brother, hes 14 now and wasn't predicted to live pass 7 when he got diagnosed. Remember that miracles do happen and you still have each other on this day, this moment. Celebrate, remember and fight back. Something I learned from Relay For Life. Celebrate your life together by going out on a walk or to dinner or trying something new. Spend as much time as you can together just enjoying life. Stop to watch the sunrise and the sunset together. The beauty of nature can be inspiring and bring more peace than any woodstock. Don't act like it's the end of the world because though it may very well feel like it, it's not. Times will get hard and rocky but just hold him close and let him know everything you feel. Your love your hope your fears. Honestly can be hard but it usually helps put things at ease. I will come back to this post to offer more advice if this helps but right now I have to run to class. Good luck and breath. You don't have to be a perfect pillar of strength just and pillow of comfort. xoxo

Posts: 13
Joined: Oct 2009

We went to Duke for a second opinion yesterday. The doctor is going to do a liver biopsy Friday. He thinks it is the worse cancer, but it could be one of three other cancers that are treatable. I have a small ray of hope. This is the first day that I have not cried. I have tried to stop crying around my children and my husband, it upsets them. This discussion board has given me hope also and it helps to talk/type about this. Thank you.

grandmafay's picture
Posts: 1639
Joined: Aug 2009

It's ok to cry. We're all scared when we hear cancer and aren't offered hope. Remember, though, there is always hope. Get a second opinion. If possible do some research on line or ask someone else to do it. We looked on our fight as buying time and making memories, and we did both. Talk to your husband and follow his lead. My husband was most comfortable getting our "affairs in order." Then we didn't have to worry about them any more. Being practical helped him concentrate on other things. However much time you have together be it months or years, cancer teaches you to live for today and cherish the moments. Best of luck on your fight. Fay

Posts: 13
Joined: Oct 2009

We got some hope at Duke yesterday. We will get a liver biopsy this Friday--keep us in your thoughts. Thank you for writing me.

Posts: 1933
Joined: Oct 2009

Doctors' predictions are not always right and there are many who can attest to that. I was diagnosed with Stage 3 colorectal cancer backin May and there are times it really gets to me mentally/emotionally . The begining was the worst and even now months later, it still gets me down, if I let it. You must be strong and try to think positive, no matter how impossible that seems. Again,I hope second opinion brings some relief.....Steve

bluerose's picture
Posts: 1102
Joined: Jul 2009

I am sorry for you and your family are going through with the diagnosis your husband got. As many on here are saying, sometimes a diagnosis is off the mark and so you getting this second opinion is the best idea. I hope that the findings are more positive and by the sounds of it you have reason to be cautiously optimistic.

You can get through this, just take it day by day. There is nothing wrong with crying and breaking down - especially at this early stage of diagnosis so don't worry about that. Holding in your emotions can be a bigger problem but we are all torn sometimes with what to show to our family and what to hold back when it comes to our fear and grief. But again, YOU CAN DO IT. Step by step, try not to think too far ahead and just deal with the day if you can.

I am glad you found this site for support, as you have seen already it is filled with people who have been where you are so totally understand what you are saying. Please continue to post and you will get the support and responses you need, I'm sure of it.

Be positive, stay focused and be there for your spouse, he is going through stages of his own in dealing with this and just a warning that he may be at a different stage of acceptance than you are so hope both of you will be gentle with each other. It's tough though, been there done that.

Blessings, Bluerose - you are in my prayers.

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