Cancer Sucks!!

Understand
I totally understand how you feel. I've had many of those days in the past, and still sometimes (though rarer) now.

It always helped me to try and find some joy. I know it's hard when the flavor of life seems to have left, but there is usually something you can find that can bring you some joy even on your darkest days. I would put a DVD in and watch a movie that invoked feelings of happiness. Even if it didn't sound good because i was so depressed, i'd force myself to watch, and it always made me feel better.

Call someone you trust and enjoy talking to. The person (i hope everyone has at least one), that makes you forget you have cancer, but will listen to you when you're feeling down or need to vent.

Hit someone as hard as you can...I'm just kidding! Hit SOMETHING INANIMATE like a punching bag, or a pillow. I did this once, and though it made me feel better inside, it hurt my shoulder for months afterwards.

I hope you are able to find some joy today, and scare that cloud away.

Many hugs!
Krista

coloCan said:

Cancer does indeed suck
especially when you haven;t gotten thru post-op pain yet(just started Fentanyl patch)even tho each day its a micrometer less. What scares me even more is the four months of chemo i still have to endure....Been there before with chemo, wish it could be avoided!1But reality intrudes. Cancer does suck and its treatment is as bad as the disease but what else can you do but fight it, hope your doctors know what they're doing, do what you can for yourself and never quit? Life is too precious Steve

I`m with you, Brooks -
I`m with you, Brooks - CANCER SUCKS!!!!! Yell out your window real loud now! CCCAAAAANNNNCCCEEERRR SSSUUUCCCKKKSSSS!!!!!!!!
If any one complains tell them to kiss your posterior anatomy.

Eric } : . }

Cancer Sucks hard
in soft places...

You are so right
You said it Brooks!!! The physical stuff is bad enough, but I am learning there is another really ugyly side to cancer-mental crap!!!!

I'll be back at the hospital in a couple of hours to have the Mediport placed. Then in a little over a week from now chemo starts. I know I need to face the facts that because of where I am at if I don't do chemo I will have to revisit tumor land, but I also know even if I do chemo I have a good chance that I might have to spend more time with the beast. I keep looking for some sort of statistic that says my chances are better or at least equal without chemo. There is no such thing.

Tonight the mind will not let me sleep. I feel like I am laying in the desert getting pecked by buzzards. But when the family wakes up I will put on a happy face and act like all is well, but it is not.
Jan

HI
Every once in a while, I'll call my husband or sister and just say " have I told you lately that I HATE cancer" or "cancer sucks" it makes me feel better. I just ordered a magnet for my fridge that just simply says "F_ Cancer" simply said! I was never a big fan of the F word, I seem to use it alot now!
Karyn

thready said:

You are so right
You said it Brooks!!! The physical stuff is bad enough, but I am learning there is another really ugyly side to cancer-mental crap!!!!

I'll be back at the hospital in a couple of hours to have the Mediport placed. Then in a little over a week from now chemo starts. I know I need to face the facts that because of where I am at if I don't do chemo I will have to revisit tumor land, but I also know even if I do chemo I have a good chance that I might have to spend more time with the beast. I keep looking for some sort of statistic that says my chances are better or at least equal without chemo. There is no such thing.

Tonight the mind will not let me sleep. I feel like I am laying in the desert getting pecked by buzzards. But when the family wakes up I will put on a happy face and act like all is well, but it is not.
Jan

Yep - me too. I can handle
Yep - me too. I can handle the physical stuff - the mental is what is bothering me right now too. I haven't been able to get to sleep at night for a couple weeks. But I get up and put on my happy face every morning also.

I had my pre-op physical this morning. My hemoglobin has been dropping, when it was expected to rise. I shouldn't be losing blood in my stool anymore - and even when I was it was still over 12 before my colon resection. Three surgeries, and 6 weeks later I'm below 12. They like you to be over 12 for surgery. That in itself shouldn't cancel my second port placement attempt tomorrow. But the fact that my wound is not fully scabbed over probably will. Then back to more mental crap. Sitting around waiting to be well enough to get another port and start the fight. Or do I pressure my oncologist to go ahead with Xeloda for now. Get a port in a few weeks and start Oxaliplatin then? Skip the oxy? Wait two more weeks and stick with FOLFOX? So many what if's running around my head right now. I'll know late this afternoon after I go see the surgeon again if he'll put in another port tomorrow or not.

The waiting is messing with my mind. I really was doing great until the first port got infected. That is when I started a little downward spiral. Ready to fight, but told I can't yet. Everyone knows me as the "positive" one - "in control" and who "always gets it done." Even my husband won't allow me to be negative for just two minutes when I need to let it out. I mentioned that I am worried the surgeon is going to cancel because the wound wasn't looking too good over the weekend. (It looked a lot better before I saw him on Friday and he messed with it.) My husband interrupts me with "Think positive, only positive allowed." Well, I've learned I can't just be positive 24/7. I have cancer and was still positive from my colonoscopy, through my surgery, through a PET scan that left us wondering if I am stage III or IV, through it all for over a month. But it is hard to do that 100% of the time when things start getting tougher mentally. I need 1-10 minutes a day to be negative and let it out (but no one else wants to hear it). I need to be prepared for best case AND worse case, because reality will probably lie in between. I started off completely positive and only allowing for best case for myself. I had a reality check. But no one around me is interested in reality checks. They are only interested in me being the strong one as always. Me making sure no one else in inconvenienced much. I'm doing the best I can, but that just might not be reality in the long run. I might not be strong every day. Lives may be inconvenienced because I can't do it all, like I have always done.

Cancer sucks!

maglets said:

Big Time
You are right Michelle....cancer sucks Big time. Anybody else noticed this happen to them. We get a good cat scan or a good anything and everybody sighs a big sigh and says.....now we can get on with life. And I think...man yes it's good to get one little brief moment......but cancer is still there always there and It sucks.

mags

YES, CANCER SUCKS....

YES, CANCER SUCKS....

yes it does
Yes, Cancer sucks...

Amy

Shayenne said:

Damn Straight!
I been there with the NG tubes Pluckey, I've had like 3 bowel obstructions, and it's pain like no one ever felt before, I hate it, but won't let it get to me, I can only take one day at a time...

Hugsss!
~Donna

NG tubes suck!
I HATE NG tubes!

*hugs*
Gail