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losing my dad

Posts: 1
Joined: Sep 2009

hi, my name is Mary. My Dad was dx w/ nasopharyngeal cancer in Feb. He was told about 2 wks ago there is nothing more that can be done for him. He tried chemo and couldn't do it b/c it made him too sick, he completed radiation and surgery is not an option for him. I'm sorry if i don't go about this in the correct way. I need to ask someone, how do i do this. How do I watch the strongest man Ive ever known simply fade away. I have never lost anyone this close to me. I am here with him tonight sitting with him. Someone has to be awake w/ him at all times. I am glad I get to spend this time with him but at the same time it is so hard. I have always been Daddy's baby girl. Now I wish so much there was some way I could protect him the way he has always protected me. I feel so helpless. I know he isn't in pain but i also know he is scared, that is the hardest thing. He is the kind of man who has never been scared of anything but now I see fear in his eyes. If anyone has any words of wisdom for me I would greatly appreciate them.

grandmafay's picture
Posts: 1639
Joined: Aug 2009

My husband is on hospice. We were told that there was nothing more the doctors could do but offer some pain relief. I can't tell you how to make this easier. I don't know. It is very hard to watch a loved one deteriorate from this disease. I do know that it is ok to grieve anyway that is right for you. And the grieving process has already begun. It is good that you are there. I'm told that hearing is one of the last things to go. Talk to him. Tell him you love him. He already knows, but tell him anyway. Remember the good times. If you have faith, cling to that. Has your family considered or called hospice? They have been helpful for us. My prayers are with you and your family. Keep in touch. Fay

Posts: 3
Joined: Sep 2009

Hi Mary.
I'm so sorry that this is happing to you, but I can relate. My mom had to go on hospice in Aug of this year, and she didn't last past Sept 5. It's so hard watching your parent slowly wither away, but now that it is over and done with, I feel at peace. I think you will feel similar. Knowing that my mom is finally free of pain and no longer sad or scared, I feel almost comforted about the whole situation. Although I wish things had turned out differently, I had always hoped that if her cancer couldn't be cured, that she be taken from this world as quickly as possible. Although it is hard to watch your dad die, it is something you cannot escape. That in itself is terrifying, but you will get through it one day at a time. Just be there for him and hold his hand, talk to him about your day and whatnot. You'll cherish these last days with him for the rest of your life, and you'll never be able to get them back. Find comfort in that you're not alone in your pain and don't be afraid to cry. Trust me, I've cried a lot in the past year since Mom was diagnosed and even more now that she's gone. Feel free to email me if you ever need anything.


LuvmyDad8's picture
Posts: 8
Joined: Sep 2009

I just lost my Dad on May 1st. I feel the exact same way you do. But, take comfort that you are there with him. Tell him you love him everyday. I know this is hard, but there are people here that have gone or are going through the same thing.
I loved my Dad so much. He was dx on April 7th and was gone 3 1/2 weeks later. I live in NY and he was in Ca. I got there as soon as I could, but I wish that I was there from the beginning.
It is not easy to deal with, but you need to talk to people who have been there. I am posting my personal email, if you need to talk send me an email and I will give you my number and you can call me ANYTIME. I know how hard it is to be daddy's girl and watching your hero sick and growing weak.
You and your family are in my prayers.
Christina (mymamablues@aol.com)

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