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Trying to cope without mom

Posts: 3
Joined: Sep 2009

My name is Devan, and I'm 19 years old. I lost my mom to stage iv colon cancer nearly 3 weeks ago. She was diagnosed in Oct of 2008 with it in both her colon and her liver. It later spread to her lungs around August of this year, and she lost her battle a month later on September 5, 2009. This past year has been such a rollercoaster ride for my family and me. My mother was such a strong and independent woman, but the cancer robbed not only her strength but also her joy and spirit. I'll forget all the times I held her hand and rubbed her arm as she cried and got angry about her sickness. It just wasn't fair for her. She was in her prime, just 50 years old and about to retire. Thankfully she was able to retire on her birthday Aug. 19, 2009, but she never got to enjoy it. She'll never get to see me get married or touch her grandkids oneday. I think that, most of all, is the most heartbreaking part about this whole ordeal. I know she's in a better place, but lately I've been falling apart just thinking about her and wishing I could just tell her about my day.

Buzzard's picture
Posts: 3073
Joined: Aug 2008

She is there, and you can tell her everyday about everything thats going on in your life..Im sure she wants to hear it and I am sure she is watching over you at this moment. If you truly know she is in a better place then you truly know she is watching you. She will also be watching you when you marry, she will also hold her grandkids at night while you sleep. Yes, she is with you, and will always be with you. I talk to my father a lot for I know he sees me and is with me. You have to take consolation knowing that she is and will always be right by your side, and from the sound of it you will be just like her, and to her that is the best gift a daughter can give her mom.....share with her everyday, and she will you also...Bless you hun, Clift

MichelleP's picture
Posts: 254
Joined: May 2009

I also lost my mother to cancer and I miss her each and everyday of my life. But I like to remember her strength and how she taught me to be a strong person. I've never known anyone stronger than my mom and I know that she is looking down at me from heaven each and everyday and giving me the strength to help my husband fight this awful disease. My mom taught me so very much and I know she would be proud. Just as proud as I bet your mom is of you dear one.

grandmafay's picture
Posts: 1639
Joined: Aug 2009

I agree that she is with you still. It sounds like you had a special bond with your mother. That bond will not go away. Your mother is watching and she is proud of you. Remember the good times as well as the sad ones. It's good and natural to grieve. I hope you have someone there to share that grief with you. Cry and laugh together. Also, come to these boards as often as you need. There are others here who are also grieving. If you can, write down some of your best memories. When you do have kids be the family storyteller, and make your mother a part of their lives, too. Fay

RE's picture
Posts: 4641
Joined: Feb 2004

Devan I agree that if you hold the belief that your Mom is in a better place you also must know that she is okay. Although I am much older than you I lost my mom when I was 41 and I miss her greatly. Mom's hold a special place in our hearts since they are such an important part of who we become and how we get there. I know your feelings are raw right now and your loss is nearly unbearable but it does get better. It is important to remember your Mom healthy and happy! When you think of her try to recall the good times, recall the special moments you had together and this will help you to overcome the sad memories. As a mom myself I would want my loved ones to recall my silliness, my joy, my laughter and the love I had for them. I would want them to smile when they think of me and the good times we had together. In regards to your wanting to tell your mom about your day, there is nothing wrong with that. You go right ahead and tell her the things that you would normally share with her if she were still here with you. Trust me Devan with time this will become easier. I wish you all the best and send my love your way!



Posts: 11
Joined: Jun 2009

I am so sorry for your loss. I read your message and thought I was reading my own words. I lost my Mother to cancer on September 2nd of this year, she was only 51. My Mom was the most important person in my life, there was never anything I didn't tell her, we were best friends. I too feel that one of the most heartbreaking parts about this is that she will not physically be at my wedding or meet my children. Everyday I panic because I feel like I don't know how to do anything without her. I saw her everyday of my life and I talked to her on the phone 3 to 4 times a day. There are no words that can describe this feeling, it is the worst. I know what you mean about wanting to tell your Mom about your day because I live through that same feeling each and everyday. I still talk to my Mom though and I know she hears me. They truly are in a better place....I know that just by the way my Mom was so calm in her passing, she was never afraid only sad for us to have to go through this.

If you ever need someone to talk to that can relate to how you are feeling please don't hesitate to message me.

Take care,

Posts: 1
Joined: Sep 2009

Thank you for sharing what you are going through with the loss
of your mom. I am so sorry. And yet, you help me with my missing
my mom. My father died when I was 17 and he never met my husband or
my children. But I remember the hugs and the friendship and I think
of him and picture him and it makes me smile. I am 54 now and I
finished treatment for breast cancer this May. My own mother died the
year before. I miss her so and will try talking to her more. I didn't
know that so many talk to their loved ones as they mention here. So,
let's try that and also take comfort that others are going through
similar grief and sadness and making it work. Thank you for helping
me not feel alone and I hope you know you are not alone either. We are
here and your mother's spirit is too. Take Care,Helen

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