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where do I start?????

Posts: 1
Joined: Sep 2009

I found out yesterday my mom is dying......and even as I write the words and know they are true I don't know how to begin to wrap around the changes that are coming......I don't even know where to begin.....she is alone in Nebraska I am in Ct......I have little money to get there and don't know what I will do to suport myself once I do get there but most of all I don't know how to even begin to say good bye to someone who has loved me unconditionally my whole life.......I want more than anything to be able to help her get threw this but I am so scared and so angry and so completely overwhelmed.....how do I do this?? where do I start????

Posts: 10
Joined: Sep 2009


I am 22 and i lost my mom july 10. its all fucked up now. not fair, but **** what is???...my mom was my whole life. best friend,etc..... NO WORDS WILL HELP US. NO WORDS WILL DESCRIBE MY PAIN. I am destroyed and have no soul left yet there are positives..she will no longer suffer something she never EVER DESERVED. she was and is (she is still here, only physical left)the BEST MOM I COULD HAVE EVER ASKED FOR.


GOD BLESS AND PLZ KEEP ME UPDATED...I WILL PRAY FOR YOUR PAIN TO NOT OVERCOME YOU. If i was suicidal i would have left because i know what your going through--PAIN!!SO MUCH ******* PAIN. I watched my older brother get murdered infront of my eyes _ PAIN , My mom was the only good thing left ..and now shes gone too. LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME...LIVE FOR THE MOMENT AND DAY .We are ALLL born to die. GOD BLESS YOU

grandmafay's picture
Posts: 1639
Joined: Aug 2009

It's never easy to say good-bye to a loved one. Feeling angry, scared, and confused as well as sad is normal. Take a deep breath and remember that your mother taught you to be strong and independent. Think about how you can support and be there for your mom. Being there doesn't necessarily mean being there physically. Ask your mother what she wants. She will help you decide what is best for both of you. As a mother, I wish I could just reach out and hug you. I won't tell you that everything is going to be alright because it isn't. Sadly, we all have to face grief in this life. It's hard. Embrace your friends. Tell your mother that you love her. If you are religious, pray for comfort for both of you. My thoughts and prayers will be with you as well. Fay

Buzzard's picture
Posts: 3073
Joined: Aug 2008

You spend the time with them and never say good bye.Its to permanent...You treat them as if they are going to be around forever and treat them that way also. A parents only wish is to make sure that their offspring are ok in life. You need to assure her that you will be fine and that she did a great job in bringing you up to be the person that you seem to be, caring and very thoughtful, and there is still plenty of time to make plenty more memories with her...

sue Siwek
Posts: 280
Joined: Jun 2009

begin by going to her. care for her, love her and the rest will come. listen to her and she will guide you. you will never regret being there for the women who gave you life. in its own way death is a beautiful moment and as scary as it may seem your being with your mother will ease the process for both of you. insist that she be pain free but as lucid as possible so that she will enjoy her last days and most of all treasure these last moments. i think of the day my mother died, i was fortunate to be with her along with my siblings and it was something i will never forget nor do i want to. if you have siblings, aunts, uncles inlist their support. best of luck you can do this.

bluerose's picture
Posts: 1102
Joined: Jul 2009

As those on this board are telling you, I would like to also suggest you get to your Mom any way you can, safely of course. It's only money and if you have to borrow the money to get their from friends or family do so. Your Mom was there for you all your life and I know you want to be there for her now and trust me, everything else will follow for you once you are with her. You will have the right words to say, they will just come, it's the trying to figure things out ahead of time that is hard if not impossible. JUST GO. Go before it's too late and you will have to live with the regret that you should have gone. I never was able to make it to my Mother's bedside, due to my own illness, but even though I couldn't get there there is still some form of regret that I carry even though I couldn't help it.

Please do it for your Mom and you too so you never have to live in regret of what could have been in those last few days/months. You will probably be surprised, looking back, how much you valued about the last times you had together with her. All the best. I hope you have God in your life to help you through. Blessings, Bluerose

Posts: 148
Joined: Sep 2009

Hi Bluerose,
You're 100% correct. I recently lost my Sister in Law, whom I loved very deeply. I had an opportunity to visit her just before she died, but put the visit off for a couple of days because of a Dr's appointment. Lyn died two days later and I've never forgiven myself for not being there for her. She asked me to come with my wife and her other sisters, but I thought my presence would detract from some quality time with her sisters and I thought I had more time to visit with her the following week after the Dr's appt. It just wasn't to be.
I still tell her every day in my prayers that I'm SO sorry and that I'll love her and miss her forever and pray that she can hear me and understand.

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