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My boyfriend has his 3rd occurence of cancer, desperately need advice!

metalmusicwoman
Posts: 1
Joined: Sep 2009

Hi. I started dating my boyfriend just over 7 weeks ago, and about a week and a half into it he'd confirmed that he had lung cancer. This is the 3rd time in his 33 years of life that he's had it (other 2 times he was 18 and mid-twenties). I'm the only person he has told about it due to negative reactions his family had to the other 2 times, and the fact that after watching his mother die from cancer 20 months before now, he doesn't want anyone to go through that. The only reason he told me about it is because he said he instinctually knew that we were meant to be together. And we fell for one another very fast. He has opinions and emotions about how I should be treated, and having let me become involved he feels is unfair.

But after about the 3rd week, he started to become more distant.

In terms of his lung cancer, they found traces in his brain as well, but they don't know if it's active. He hasn't been able to do ANY treatment because they have to monitor it to see what's up, and the cancer in his lungs can't be removed by surgery due to it attaching to his ribs as well. Since there are traces in his brain, he's no longer allowed to drive until it's been determined inactive. He feels sick almost constantly and is lying on his couch or in his bed when he's not working (he only works 3 days a week). All of these things must weigh upon him greatly...

It started out where there were days when he didn't want to see anybody, but he'd still call and/or text me. We're still getting to know one another...but this past week, after having never had a break from talking to one another on the phone, he hasn't called me in 5 days (this is day 6). He told me (via text) not to take it personally, he just doesn't want to talk to anyone. And since I'm the only person that he's told, he's truly going through this alone if he won't talk to me.

I don't want to tell him how to handle his cancer, but I don't think he's handling me very well. Although I'm aware he doesn't have the energy to talk to anyone and wouldn't have the energy to get to know yet another person, I'm having a hard time being kept in limbo when he tells me that he just doesn't want to talk to ANYONE and that he's not trying to avoid me to keep from hurting me (which this is WAY worse than if I were around). I have no desire to coddle him, but if our time together is limited, it would be nice to take advantage of it.

Noone I know has gone through anything like this...so instead of laying it upon them, maybe someone here has some advice.

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