caregivers need to help & support each other...

Cancer is a horrible way for anyone to live and to live with it, it's so easy to fall into that rut, of doing it all, taking care of your spouse, significant others, fathers mothers, a child, friends, and the list goes on.. I have been living with cancer for 11 months now, my fiance, who was d/x last Aug 1st 2008 with stage 4,grade 4 metastatic kidney cancer in his both lungs, and on a rib met and i'll be the first one to say thats it's the hardest thing that i ever been thru...My fiance is a quiet man, doesn't show his feelings, nor tell me how he feels, after endless talks, letters, and begging him to just look at the way he is, to no avail..It has been very hard to live with a person who hasn't a clue on how to change and i have wanted him to leave several times...
Last week while i was awake at 3:30am, i realized that if he isn't going to change that i need too and what i am asking for, the man has been yesing me to death for yrs now, just to keep me quiet and i always do the same thing over and over again, the talking, the letters to make him see my point, now what i just said was my, and i seemed to have gotton my insight back and it's all about me.. I am being the one in control and obsessing over how to change him, when all i have to do is stop, stop reacting and act, it has always been about what i want, i need, never i care or love, it was all an unatual way to be and i was sounding like a spoiled brat and always wanting my way.... When you act, you have more natual way of dealing, and more contol, how you think and feel and your more aware of how you do things in a better way....Keeping yourself in a constant state of stress which turns into anger, then depression is not the way i want to live with reacting to him...So everyday i will keep changeing and start taking better care of me and make better choices for myself and start letting him take care of his cancer as i have been doing for 11 months now...With a more positive attitude either he will follow or won't all i know is i'll feel alot better, and start to take a brand new out look on life and i have been so much happier, laughing again, we all have choices, either stay miserable & neg or choose to change it positivity people seem to follow..
Timsgirl01, new to this group...