I have been sitting here not wanting to post this, because if I say it...I'm acknowledging it, and if I acknowledge it...its real. Depression that deep, dark hole that I don't want to have to struggle to climb out of...I've been managing to safely stay sitting on the edge staring down into it...but I'm afraid I have fallen and no one can hear me.
For the past 2 years I have been a rock, tough as nails, have nursed my husband back from near death 3 times now, never flinched...never cried...just been pressing on. He counts on me... his family counts on me...and I have not once let them down. They thank me for taking such good care and admire me for my strength.
But what now? I'm not doing well...I've been pushing it to the side but I know now that depression has got me full-fledged in it's grips. I am becoming despondent and reclusive.
What do I do now? I can't just stop...I'm the caregiver...what if I fall on my face and its witnessed or someone hears about it?
I'm usually posting on the support side,
but now I need to reach out...