i don't think we realize how absorbed we get

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newbride
newbride Member Posts: 142
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
Since March I have been dealing with my husband's diagnosis, actually in March I thought he was "cured" until we came home from our honeymoon in June and the tumor decided to join us. Anyway, I "thought" I was doing a good job at "doing it all" -- taking care of the home, his medical bills, his food, running back and forth to doctor appt, dispensing his meds, cooking for myself, and holding a fulltime job.

Well, this week his sister decided she wanted to come visit us for a few days and help me out to give me a break. So, on Wednesday I went along as usual to work and came home to find a SPOTLESS home and dinner on the table -- WOW -- I didn't realize what a total diaster my home had become!!!

I am not one who can "ask" for help - but her offer to come help without my asking was just what I needed!!

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  • soccerfreaks
    soccerfreaks Member Posts: 2,788 Member
    #2
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    "I get by with a little help from my friends"
    In case you are young, newbride, that is a reference to an old Beatles song, done even better in some folks' minds by a guy named Joe Cocker.

    Anyway, all that you wrote convinces me you have been concentrating on the important things.

    A shout out is in order for your sister-in-law, however, for being there for you and her brother in a time of great need.

    Take care,

    Joe
  • sue Siwek
    sue Siwek Member Posts: 279
    #3
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    how wonderful of your sister
    how wonderful of your sister in law! as a care giver myself i know how important it is to have visits, phone calls, meals what ever others can offer is a big help to the care giver but, also to the person you are caring for. they need contact with the outside world. we are not enough even though we are the most important and most depended upon. it is extra nice and thoughtful when people offer but, i have found that if you ask most times you will receive. as you go along on this journey you will find your voice. on doctors visits we sometimes have to speak for the patient as well as for our own well being. i have found through these many years that most health care professionals that deal with cancer are a wealth of information and all we have to do is ask. family most often stay away not wanting to intrude or not wanting to deal with it because it is painful for them as well. if we ask family and friends to help it gives them a chance to feel of use. it can be a wonderful learning experience for them. i guess short and sweet assert yourself.
  • lindaprocopio
    lindaprocopio Member Posts: 1,980
    #4
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    sue Siwek said:

    how wonderful of your sister
    how wonderful of your sister in law! as a care giver myself i know how important it is to have visits, phone calls, meals what ever others can offer is a big help to the care giver but, also to the person you are caring for. they need contact with the outside world. we are not enough even though we are the most important and most depended upon. it is extra nice and thoughtful when people offer but, i have found that if you ask most times you will receive. as you go along on this journey you will find your voice. on doctors visits we sometimes have to speak for the patient as well as for our own well being. i have found through these many years that most health care professionals that deal with cancer are a wealth of information and all we have to do is ask. family most often stay away not wanting to intrude or not wanting to deal with it because it is painful for them as well. if we ask family and friends to help it gives them a chance to feel of use. it can be a wonderful learning experience for them. i guess short and sweet assert yourself.

    Of ALL gifts to someone with cancer, CLEANING is the BEST!
    I have always been a clean-freak and clutter and dust-bunnies take away my sense of well-being and up my stress, and I think a lot of people are like that. Even if they aren't as anal as I am, a person on chemo often has the dangerous combination of a VERY compromised immunity system and a VERY dirty living environment, simply because there are not enough hours in the day to go for chemo, earn a living, eat right, sleep a lot, and reach out to loved ones. Something has to give, and cleaning the house drops way down in priority. Or you may just be too fatigued and depressed to clean the house!

    And so, for someone to come in and CLEAN, and return to you that ordered sparkling sanitary environment so important to your immunity-compromised health and sense of well-being,.....PLEASE, give your dear sister-in-law a big hug for me! Tell her what a PERFECT gift that was! My daughter-in-law came in twice during my 4 months of chemo and scrubbed my house from top to bottom. It meant everything to me, brought tears to my eyes at the incredible kindness and thoughtfulness!

    Anyone who is ever wondering what they can do to help a friend with cancer, please REMEMBER this: housecleaning. If you can't go do it yourself (the ultimate gift), sending in a professional cleaning service is an AWESOME way to say "I care." So may of my friends brought food, another blessing to feed my poor husband, but often not sosmething I could enjoy personally during the chemo months.
  • newbride
    newbride Member Posts: 142
    #5
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    soccerfreaks said:

    "I get by with a little help from my friends"
    In case you are young, newbride, that is a reference to an old Beatles song, done even better in some folks' minds by a guy named Joe Cocker.

    Anyway, all that you wrote convinces me you have been concentrating on the important things.

    A shout out is in order for your sister-in-law, however, for being there for you and her brother in a time of great need.

    Take care,

    Joe

    Help from Friends
    Yes I do remember that song, although I do consider myself young, but I'm starting to feel all of my 42 years.

    And you're right on target - when my sister in law said she wanted to come spend a few days my immediate reaction was "Oh you can't, I'd be embarrassed for you to see the place right now" her response was "Good, I hope it's totally gross because that means you are spending more time taking care of my brother than you are the home!"
  • newbride
    newbride Member Posts: 142
    #6
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    lindaprocopio said:

    Of ALL gifts to someone with cancer, CLEANING is the BEST!
    I have always been a clean-freak and clutter and dust-bunnies take away my sense of well-being and up my stress, and I think a lot of people are like that. Even if they aren't as anal as I am, a person on chemo often has the dangerous combination of a VERY compromised immunity system and a VERY dirty living environment, simply because there are not enough hours in the day to go for chemo, earn a living, eat right, sleep a lot, and reach out to loved ones. Something has to give, and cleaning the house drops way down in priority. Or you may just be too fatigued and depressed to clean the house!

    And so, for someone to come in and CLEAN, and return to you that ordered sparkling sanitary environment so important to your immunity-compromised health and sense of well-being,.....PLEASE, give your dear sister-in-law a big hug for me! Tell her what a PERFECT gift that was! My daughter-in-law came in twice during my 4 months of chemo and scrubbed my house from top to bottom. It meant everything to me, brought tears to my eyes at the incredible kindness and thoughtfulness!

    Anyone who is ever wondering what they can do to help a friend with cancer, please REMEMBER this: housecleaning. If you can't go do it yourself (the ultimate gift), sending in a professional cleaning service is an AWESOME way to say "I care." So may of my friends brought food, another blessing to feed my poor husband, but often not sosmething I could enjoy personally during the chemo months.

    I agree
    I had tears in my eyes when I came home that first day!! I had planned to hire one of the cleaning people from my office to come in every other week and keep the the place up for me, but my 17 year old step daughter said she wouldn't mind helping me (well we will see about that). I figure this is good -- if she wants to come and help I'll save a few dollars and surprise her by giving her 1/2 of what I would have paid someone else to come in. I don't have a large place - it's a 1 bedroom condo so won't take her long at all - I might have her do her dad's laundry because most of mine goes to the dry cleaners. So that might also help somewhat.
  • terato
    terato Member Posts: 375
    #7
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    Help comes when and where you least expect it!
    I always said, that an "acquaintance" is someone who calls you when you are in the middle of painting a room to ask you to go to dinner and then says, "Well, maybe next week then?". However, a "friend" is the person who, on learning that you are painting, offers to come over to help. You have experienced what "family" and "friendships" are all about. Possibly, you will be able to share some of your emotional "chores" with you sister-in-law, as you spend more time with her?

    I am very happy for you!

    Love and Courage!

    Rick

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