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Bad Day for Dee

dyaneb123's picture
dyaneb123
Posts: 951
Joined: May 2009

So today we had to go to school for teachers meetings, get our schedules, etc. I had requested to have 4th period planning which would be the last period of the day so that when rads start I could leave early, or just for other med. appts.,. I didn't get it....so I went on a crying jag and couldn't stop. everytime someone would ask how I was I'd start crying again.I cried from 8:00 til 11:00 when I finally gave it up and went home. I mean I started out upset about the schedule, but I got over that....but I couldn't stop crying. This worries me for trying to teach. Anyone else had this kind of crying jag....in public? at work?what to do?

elm3544's picture
elm3544
Posts: 748
Joined: Jul 2009

So sorry for how your day went. I hope it works out for you. Wish I had words of wisdom to share.

lynn1950's picture
lynn1950
Posts: 2574
Joined: Jun 2008

Oh, Dee. So sorry about your schedule! You guys start early! Hope you have air conditioning. Sounds like you are on a block schedule. Maybe having a planning period in the middle of the day is a blessing in disguise...a little rest time. You may need that when you are doing rads. I was able to work through chemo (mostly) in the spring and through rads in the fall, but it wasn't easy. Hope the staff you work with is supportive. I am so in debt to my district! I didn't cry in public. I'm betting that you will rise to the occasion when there are kids. I would tell the kids that they better be good, cuz I wasn't feeling so great. The kids were wonderful. I got the best cards and jokes (I asked them to email me jokes), a clown wig, and a big teddy dog from my students - also flowers from their parents. I bet you will discover the same kindness and compassion. ♥ xoxoxo Lynn

meena1's picture
meena1
Posts: 1005
Joined: Oct 2008

I had a few sobbing jags, but never in public. I would wake up and just sob. I haven't had that happen for awhile, so i guess it goes away. try taking a walk, or listen to music

mmontero38's picture
mmontero38
Posts: 1532
Joined: Dec 2007

Oh D, what you are experiencing is very normal. I'm still on crying jags every now and then 2yrs after diagnosis. Not as often as I used to but sometimes everything just feels overwhelming. Remember we had a few posts about this? And our answer was always, it's ok to cry but only for 5 minutes. Then get up off that pitty potty, pullup those big girl panties and get on with it. Hoping your days get better. Love & hugs, Lili

ppurdin's picture
ppurdin
Posts: 1153
Joined: Jul 2009

I have been on a crying jag off and on.And can happen any moment,I HAVE BROKE OUT CRYING A FEW TIMES IN PUBLIC BUT MANAGED TO HIDE IT PRETTY WELL.USUALLY BEHIND MY SUNGLASSES.I wanted to say i love what you said about the pull up the big girl pantys.I AM PRETTY NEW TO THIS SIGHT SO I HAD NEVER HEARD IT BEFORE.It made me smile when reading it.I will remember this when i get down.Thank you.GOD BLESS.ppurdin.

DianeBC's picture
DianeBC
Posts: 3886
Joined: Jun 2009

Sorry about your bad day! I hope today will be better for you!

Hugs, Diane ♥

Christmas Girl's picture
Christmas Girl
Posts: 3691
Joined: Apr 2009

And I'm really dismayed you didn't get the schedule you requested (geez, considering your current circumstances - would it really have been that difficult for them to accommodate?).

You know, some times something seemingly minor can just "set it off" - and, it's like opening a fire hydrant.

I'll be hoping you're feeling much better really soon.

Kind regards, Susan

Marcia527's picture
Marcia527
Posts: 2749
Joined: Jul 2006

This too shall pass. Hang in there.

chenheart's picture
chenheart
Posts: 5180
Joined: Apr 2003

Dee and The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day!

I always felt that everything was cumulative...the finding the lump, calling the Dr, getting an "official" diagnosis, surgery, recovery, chemo...and then rads. I was so emotionally spent from just all of it! Not to mention hormones thrown into a hamster cage of turmoil, screaming to Let Me Out!!!

So, sweetie, it comes as no surprise to me that once those floodgates opened there was no stopping them. You were going back to work, making real decisions for your life, scheduling days which among other things, gave you a semblance not just of control, but NORMALCY. And bam! That rug was pulled right out from under you, leaving you, your plans, and your psyche wondering how/if anything is going to work out!

There's a reason we have tear ducts and the capability for crying! Unfortunately, all of the times our bodies choose to use these emotions isn't optimum! :-)

I feel certain this is an isolated incidence from the accumulated "stuff" of your life these past few months.

Oh yeah~ I had one of those jags, but more surprisingly, ( for my personality, anyway) I lost it and yelled some pretty pent-up emotional stuff at Reggie's 16 year old when I overheard her biotching about my foster child. I was resting after chemo, lying in bed, and she was "venting" ...she didn't know the window to my bedroom was open and that I heard every word. Normally I would have pulled her aside privately, or ignored it...but OMG! It was as if the Flying Monkeys had been summoned and I told her just how dispicable I thought her attitude was! Believe you me, EVERYONE was shocked! Especially because I did this while leaning out the 2nd story bedroom window! I am mortified even thinking about it!

Hang in there ,sister~ you'll be fine! ( do you need me to summon the monkeys out to your school???)

Hugs,
Claudia

dyaneb123's picture
dyaneb123
Posts: 951
Joined: May 2009

Claudia!That is so funny..
At least now I'm laughing through my tears.I know it will be ok.The Principle even called me aside to say if I need to leave early sometimes, or come in late(since I got 1st period planning instead of 4th), it's ok...they just couldn't give me the schedule I wanted. It's the inability to control the tears that is freaking me out...I started again when I started reading the posts!Maybe it is accumulated stress. I don't like the weakness!

Akiss4me's picture
Akiss4me
Posts: 2192
Joined: May 2009

Awwwww...here is some tissues (I always share!)
I have had quite a few crying spells in public! But our dear Taleena just gave me the perfect thing to say to save face!! Her grandmother told it to her.
Crying is good! The more you cry.....the less you pee!!!!
This is perfect especially if there are only public restrooms available!!!
Hugs to you to help ease the bad day.
Pammy

Akiss4me's picture
Akiss4me
Posts: 2192
Joined: May 2009

Did somebody mention a hamster cage? (fingers tapping!)
Pammy

chenheart's picture
chenheart
Posts: 5180
Joined: Apr 2003

I was just seeing if you were paying attention! And I guess you were! Love you!

Hehehehehehe

Hugs,
Chen♥

lanie940's picture
lanie940
Posts: 492
Joined: Jul 2009

Oh, I just wish I could give you a hug. I had a crying jag myself tody. I haven't even started RADS and won't for a few more weeks. My olcology Dr. nurse called me today and told me that things looked good after my lumpectomy and the sentinel node was clear. But I'm concerned about this hernia operation I need sometime soon. I absoutely hate getting IV's started, I had a terrible time this last time, it took 3 tries to get a good line. they put it in the tender side of my wrist. I cried, even my husband sitting beside me cried. I hate this all so much! I cry about my poor cousin in calif, her cancer is probably in her bone marrow. I am on the verge so much and fight it, but sometimes you just can't.
I hope the school will work with you, and give you a break with what you have to go through. I'm sure you are a wonderful teacher, and hope your students understand and support you.

dmc_emmy's picture
dmc_emmy
Posts: 549
Joined: May 2009

they're normal.

I also teach and did it while going through chemo, I was sick all the time (and often throwing up during class and spending time in the nurse's station to recover). My kids were wonderful (and I teach hs special ed kids who hate being at school anyway). They took good care of me. You'll be amazed at how your kids will answer to the call when you need them most. The staff, well most of them, will rally around you to support you-because now bc is in their midst and they are dealing with their own fears as well as trying to sympathize with yours.

What I found was the hardest was dealng with the few insensitive staff members I encountered at work. As for getting your desired schedule? I ask for the same schedule every year (first hour prep) so I can sleep in or take my time coming into work as needed. If I don't get what I want, I just go to my asst prin (the one who sets the schedule) and ask if we can discuss my schedule. I don't give her the pity party story, though I could very easily do that, but I explain that if I should not be able to complete everything I need to, due to my coming in late, I will stay later or come in on the week-ends. Though I've stayed late, I have not gone in on week-ends to catch-up (I live quite far from work). They have come to realize that my illness will not interfere with the job they hired me to do.

Anyway, my point is: most people will be sympathetic to another person's needs, if they know that the job will not be compromised. That's why I always approach my request in terms of how it effects my job.

If you have to work and cannot afford to take-off more time, as was my situation, then I hope my experinece will give you some peace-of-mind.
dmc

taleena's picture
taleena
Posts: 1612
Joined: May 2009

I WANT TO MAKE YOU SMILE... but just in case, tears are good you know... as I told Pammy earlier.. My grandma used to tell me that the more you cried the less you pee... did that help just a little??? Oh Dee.. Sometimes tears are just the bodies way of relieving the stress that has been building up... It's okay... I have a drip dry lapel and cyber tissue.. here... I'm handing it to you now... okay nose is blown.. now heres a (((HUG))) just for you... You do whatever you feel like doing... crying.. laughing... just roll with it and know that whatever mood your in, it's okay!

Hoping you feel better real soon!

&heart;

~T

survivorbc09
Posts: 4376
Joined: Jun 2009

Hope you are feeling better!

1surfermom's picture
1surfermom
Posts: 367
Joined: Mar 2009

Oh Dee,
I know just how you feel. I cried and cried yesterday, I cried when I called my onc., dentist, and then called my sister and cried about stuff that happened when we were kids.Things are going along fine and then something which would normally be a small thing takes on mammoth proportions. I think we have spent so much effort on being brave that it just has to come out. But you know what today I feel so much better and I have my sunny attitude again. It also helps that today at my herceptin infusion I met a 82 year old man who is fighting a reoccurrence of a really nasty cancer that he survived for 23 years!! He just had the best attitude. Just keep your chin up cry when you need to and remember that you are loved. Love Surf

Eil4186's picture
Eil4186
Posts: 967
Joined: Dec 2007

Yes I cried a lot during treatment and for months afterward. People at work knew after a while not to ask me how I was doing because it would make me cry. Actually, 3 yrs later I still get depressed and cry often. Cancer really effects you emotionally.

Be patient with yourself. You have to work throuh your feelings. Hugs, Eil

Kylez's picture
Kylez
Posts: 3765
Joined: May 2009

Sorry about your day.

ritazimm's picture
ritazimm
Posts: 173
Joined: Apr 2009

I had several crying jags....at work. Thankfully I work in a small department where everyone was aware of my situation. I was also able to walk away to a quiet room to pull myself together for a few minutes. This made a world of difference. If there is an assistant or something I would definitely fill her in and then take the couple of minutes when you need them. My co-workers were understanding enough to NOT talk to me about ANYTHING that could possible set me off after one of these crying jags. I'm sure the students can do the same, even if they aren't aware of everything, you can explain that you are going through things that make you emotional and that they need to keep things very "business like" when you are feeling this way. When I was a teacher even the young kids knew that when I gave the warning that 'Mrs. Z isn't feeling well today so I would recommend that they not push my buttons', they found it to be in their own best interest to take heed.) At work I started putting a sign up on my door that said "I am in my own little world and it is a peaceful place so Please Do Not Disturb the Peace." It didn't take my coworkers long to be able to tell when it was not a good idea to try to talk about things that might be emotional for me. Needless to say, I have great co-workers! Good luck with classes. I think that you will be amazed by the understanding you receive from the kids.

God bless,
Rita

dyaneb123's picture
dyaneb123
Posts: 951
Joined: May 2009

I love those ideas. Thanks Rita.

Cindy54's picture
Cindy54
Posts: 454
Joined: Aug 2006

If I had a penny for all the tears ....Dee, so many ladies have said it so much better here than I ever could. I also still have my moments full of tears. Sometimes days of tears. Some well meaning people think I should not be crying. Well, the boot to them! I think we have all earned the right to cry or fling our hands in the air from time to time.It There is something about cancer that makes you feel things more deeply and appreciate life more. You tend to cry at happy things or sad things or even just for no reason that you can think of. We have become people with extraordinary souls who will never quite fit into the regular world again. I hope you have some better days Dee, and I send you a hug from one crier to another....Cindy

susie09's picture
susie09
Posts: 2933
Joined: Jul 2009

Sorry Dee. I think we all cry at different times, and, for no real reason. Having bc is hard, and, as a result, our emotions are all over the place. Just hang in there.

♠♣ Susie ♠♣

Alexis F's picture
Alexis F
Posts: 3602
Joined: May 2009

I am so very sorry Dee for your bad day and that you couldn't get the schedule you wanted.

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