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We are home...

Posts: 44
Joined: Jun 2009

surgery is over - a few scary moments but we made it thru.came home yesterday afternoon - dh is suffering from constipation right now and is exhausted. Got a call today that the paths are back from the tumor itself and the lymph nodes... missed the call so have to wait until tomorrow for the results. We are both feeling depressed - I just can't seem to stop these feelings. *sigh*

Fight for my love
Posts: 1530
Joined: Jun 2009

Hi caregiver,surgery is never fun,it is always tough.My hubby is going to have the surgery soon,you know the feeling.Anyway I am glad that you guys made it though,this is a very important step.Please take good care of your dh and yourself and hopefully your dh is going to have a very quick recovery.Take care.

Julie 44
Posts: 479
Joined: Oct 2008

You are having totally normal feelings...I know its hard to get past them but you must...You have no idea how much we rely on our caregivers...Not only for physical things but much more for emotions...I don't mean to lay it on you but you need to understand just how important your role. Most of the time you are what keeps us going..Together and I mean TOGETHER you will get through this..Just keep your communication openand be honest with each other...When one of you is down and out the other needs to pick them up..When your both down thats when you need to kick it into gear and do what needs to be done....Good luck glad your home and the surgery went well......JULIE

Patteee's picture
Posts: 950
Joined: Jul 2009

Just checking in- what did the path reports say? How are you two doing today?

I very much remember the depression or lowness after the surgery. Mine was such a horrificness that to this day I can't put words to it. On the drive north to Minneapolis from Mayo I thought how incredible the green lush of the land looked, so vibrant and alive. Every mile that ticked off was one more mile away from the experience. I knew the battle was ahead, still to come, and it was absolutely pointless to look back. All my energy would be needed for the fight ahead of me, not the one I just finished. I kept that attitude or feeling with me throughout chemo, 4 hospitalizations and a whole lot of bumps in the path. I focused on the here and now. Not yesterday, not the what ifs of tomorrow, but this day I had been given to live my life. It always meant a shower, fresh air and sunshine, reading, talking to my kids, good food (somedays especially during chemo this didn't work to good, lol) and sleep. My caregiver, my mother, took care of my house- she would MAKE me go and do small errands with her. One time we went and got flowers, another time just to drive by the new high school, one time she got my grandson in a stroller and told me to get going for a walk. She read up on colostomy care, would highlight recipes she wanted to try- she was excellent in picking up the slack and focusing in on what I couldn't. She would get videos- I watched entire seasons of "Desperate Housewives" while going through the worse of chemo days. She watched every show with me, talking with me during the commericals. I think the one thing she gave me as a caregiver was she took care of me. Nothing extraordinary but always made me think she would be there and that even the littlest of things counted.

Both of you will get through this by focusing on today and the meaning, however small, each and everything you do. Some days it might feel pointless or hopeless, but guess what, you get to redo it tomorrow, you get a second chance!!

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