CSN Login
Members Online: 1

You are here


Posts: 14
Joined: Aug 2009

I recently found out I have breast cancer. I am only 36 and never every expected this. I am waiting to hear on a surgery date. I am getting reconstructive at the same time. I dont know if I have to go through chemo or not yet? I don't even know if there is an option?? My gp gave me ativan which I didn't think was working. I was taking it incorrectly. During all the confusion thought I was to take it at night. I am crying alot. i feel so bad for my husband. He doesn't know how to help me. My doctor wanted to change my anxiety meds to paxil. I have read too many negative things on this. Is it wrong for me to ask for a higer dosage of ativan. Right now i am taking .5mg.
This is all very hard. My husband and I just went off the pill 3 or 4 months ago to have a baby. I am so lost and scared.

Calleen's picture
Posts: 412
Joined: Jul 2009

Come to the right place. Of course you are scared. BC is a very scary thing. You are not alone in your fight!!! What type of reconstruction are you thinking of?? I want to recomend a book call "Dr. Susan Loves Breast Book" Its the bible for Women with Breast Cancer. There is a book for Men to help thier wives and I'm sure one of the Women on here know the name of it... I just had a bi-lateral with immediate reconstruction on July 29th and I'm fine!!! I had IDC.. I still don't know if I have to have chemo yet either... I still am waiting to see a oncologist...

This is a very Special Sisterhood with soooo many amazing Women!! We will be here for you every step of the way!!!


Posts: 14
Joined: Aug 2009

IDC as well. I am having an implant. I want as little damage to my body as possible, flap was not for me. I hope to be able to wear a bikini when this is all done.
Is it possible not to take chemo?

thanks for the support. It is greatly appreciated.

Akiss4me's picture
Posts: 2192
Joined: May 2009

Glad you found us, though sorry it was because of BC. The book that would be very helpful for your husband is called "Breast Cancer Husband". We found it on Amazon cheap. They also have it at the public library. Calleen's recomendation is an excellent book for you.
Please come here as often and for any reason. We will do our best to help walk you through your journey. Pammy

Noel's picture
Posts: 3100
Joined: Apr 2009

Nadca, quite honestly, you won't know what your treatment plan is, meaning chemo, radiation treatments or more surgery, until after your surgery is done and the pathology report comes in. They use the pathology report to determine your treatment plan.

And, I don't think is the time that you want to have a baby. I know it is none of my business, but, you don't want the extra estrogen in your body. And, you don't want to be on birth control pills either. Have you discussed this with your oncologist?

♠♥ Noel ♥♠

Marcia527's picture
Posts: 2749
Joined: Jul 2006

We are all lost and scared at first but then we find maps laid out by others who have gone before and info that helps us not be so afraid. We tend to be afraid of the unknown. So sorry you have to go through this so young! It seems more and more younger people are getting cancer. It doesn't seem right for any of us. There are others here who are your age also. I never took anxiety meds so can't help you there. Just hang in there. Make a list of questions to ask the doctor next time you go and take someone with you to help remember what he says.

Calleen's picture
Posts: 412
Joined: Jul 2009

went through some testing before my surgery. I was diagnosed on May 8th but as above just had surgery. I had 2 of my lymph nodes removed before surgey to see if it had spread. I was clear... I also had a MRI, and Genetic testing... so that by the time my surgery came I was well informed... I am older than you so i had belly fat to spare... since i also chose to have a full masectomy i didn't have to have any radiation. my tumor was less that 1.5 cm so i am considered stage 1.. I too would like to know if anyone on here didn't have to have chemo??

I also discovered that insurance companies are required by law to offer reconstruction of the unaffected breast if the Woman wants it.. that's why I did both.. I didn't want to ever think about it coming back...

What kinds of testing have you had? when was your dx?

Posts: 10
Joined: Aug 2009

I was diagnosed on 7/17 with dcis and I don't have to do chemo (at least it is not in the plan at this time). I am chosing a lumpectomy and radiation. Because my dcis is extensive and there is another area of suspician that tested negative, they will do a sentinal node test, for precautionary reasons. I pray that comes back negative and I don't have to worry about chemo. I can't believe this [dcis] is all so common!

lanie940's picture
Posts: 492
Joined: Jul 2009

Have you had your surgery yet? I had the sentinal node, it was clear, thank God. The incision were I had it done is now itching a bit. I hope for the best for you.

CR1954's picture
Posts: 1393
Joined: Jul 2008

Hello and welcome to the board. I'm very sorry for your dx, and the fact that you wanted to start a family. Cancer just sucks...

Of course you are scared! I don't know anyone who wouldn't be. So many things happening so fast, and they are all life-changing.

Please don't be afraid to discuss your anxiety meds with your doc. If you are not comfortable taking Paxil, tell him/her so.
I take Xanax myself for anxiety, and it has been a life saver for me on this journey. I know that others here take different meds that work for them. Just don't be afraid to talk to your health care provider.

Big hugs...


DianeBC's picture
Posts: 3886
Joined: Jun 2009

I am sorry that you are scared. I was too, we all were. I got thru it somehow without any antidepressants. I think my strong husband is what got me thru it. I knew he would protect me and help me all the way, and, he did. If you need some or some stronger ones, call your oncologist and he will go over what he can give you.

And, sorry that you won't be able to have the baby now. But, there are other means to have a family.

Hugs, Diane ♥

rjjj's picture
Posts: 1826
Joined: Jan 2009

welcome to the board. I am glad you found us here. It is so normal to feel this way. I never took paxil but did take ativan, they told me I could take 2. I also too zanax.

You are very young to have this dianosis, and my heart goes out to you. Keep posting and let us know how you are. We will be here for you, if you ned to cry, vent, ask a qstion or just laugh...you have come to the right place for support. Our sisters in Pink here are amazing, and wonderful survivors, and you wil be too.
God Bless, Jackie

mimivac's picture
Posts: 2147
Joined: Dec 2008

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I was diagosed at 34, and it really throws you for a loop. Take a deep breath. There is a site for women under 40 with breast cancer called youngsurvival.org. You can post there as well for advice, comfort, and much, much more. Being confused and scared is so normal right now. The important thing to know is that things get better from here. PM me if you want more details on the young survival site.


Tux's picture
Posts: 546
Joined: Aug 2009

Welcome to the club! This is a club that no one wants to belong to, but, unfortunately,
we do! I was diagnosed in July & it was a total shock to me as well. Please know that we are thinking of you & wish you the best in your treatment. Let us know what happens!

Posts: 540
Joined: Jul 2009

Welcome to the board.. you will find no better place to get you thru this than here. Believe me everyone here knows what you are going thru.

I was diagnosed in April and had bilateral mastectomy in may with complications then started chemo in July. I was crying almost all the time and was very anxious. Paxil is an antidepressant which has a little antianxiety properties in it as well and it has helped me. I am also taking xanax 0.5mg 1/2 tablet up to 3 times per day as needed which is faster acting. It usually helps anxiety in about 30 minutes. Antidepressants usually take up to 4 to 6 weeks to be fully effective.

I am so sorry you have to be dealing with this at such a young age. I do know that there is an ob/gyn in town who had breast cancer and chemo and did start her family after her treatments were done. Talk to your oncologist about this but probably now is not the best time to try to conceive.

Hang in there and post often

Somebody here usually has advice to give

Linda T

Posts: 545
Joined: Jun 2009

I just wanted to welcome you to the boards, there is a lot of good information here and best of all support. I am 45 and was DX'd in June, and I still feel that I am young compared to what I though at the time. But there are many here who are younger than I and in the same situation as you. I'm sure they will post soon. I'm so sorry that your plans to have a baby have to be put off for now. Do you know if you are ER/PR+ of not, I think that might make a difference, but you really need to talk to the Oncologiost to be sure.

Keep us posted, and please feel free to come back anytime you need to talk.


Kylez's picture
Posts: 3765
Joined: May 2009

Nadca, I am young too, and, it is hard, I know. But, just know that we are here to support you. There is also the young survivors group too.

♥ Kylez ♥

Kylez's picture
Posts: 3765
Joined: May 2009

Welcome Nadca. Let me say how sorry I am. I hope you find support and strength on here from the other bc survivors. I know I did.


jnl's picture
Posts: 3873
Joined: May 2009

Hi Nadca and welcome to our site. I am so sorry and wish you the best of luck.


Posts: 2515
Joined: May 2009

It's perfectly normal to be terrified.....we all were! You think you won't get throught this, but you will! This is a wonderful place to come to for support! Full of strong, brave women!

Do you have your pathology report back? That will tell you a lot....I assume you're having a mastectomy......is a lumpectomy not an option? My surgeon and oncologist both said that the survival rate, they have found, is no better with a mastectomy than a lumpectomy IF IF IF a lumpectomy is an option. AGAIN, IF A LUMPECTOMY is an option, sometimes it isn't, depending on the size of the tumor, or if there are multiple tumors. At your young age, I would ask about a lumpectomy! Did your surgeon give you any options? IF not, ask him why........write down anything and everything you can think of, question wise and ask away....AND ALWAYS take someone with you......I found that at times, my brain just shut down, when bad news was delivered by the doctors and my husband thankfully heard it all and was able to tell me later. I had a lumpectomy in May.....I had a 2.2cm tumor, invasive ductual carcinoma. I went from a stage I to a stage II on the table, only due to the size of the tumor. I am having my last of 4 chemo treatments next Monday, then I will have a 3-6 week break before radiation. Chemo hasn't been that bad for me........the lumpectomy wasn't bad at all......very little pain, just more discomfort....I had 3 sentinel nodes removed, they were all clean and I had clean, clear margins where the tumor was removed. That little incision was more troublesome than the incision for the lumpectomy.
I just tried Ativan and I don't like it......I've only taken it at night and I feel "hungover" in the morning and headachy.......

If you have to have chemo, ask your oncologist about preserving your fertility, he/she will be well informed on that subject.....
I wish you the best and sending up prayers for you......

Posts: 4376
Joined: Jun 2009

Sending prayers!

Moopy23's picture
Posts: 1753
Joined: Jan 2009

I am sorry this is happening to you, Nadca, especially just when you and your husband were trying to start a family. More will be known after your surgery. Whether you need chemo, or radiation, and whether hormones are involved in your type of cancer will be discovered then. Now is the worst time, the waiting. Every one of us felt scared and lost during that time, I think.

Ativan, Zanaz, those are commonly prescribed during this time. If the instructions are not clear, do call your pharmacist. As far as Paxil goes, I was on it awhile back only because my insurance didn't cover zoloft. I took only the amount prescribed for anxiety. I don't recommend it.

First, if you miss the dose even by a few hours, you can get dizzy. I did,anyway. Also, I craved carbs. I ate at least one chocolate bar every day. Finally asked the dr. to switch me to Zoloft, which I had taken before when my insurance paid for it.

You have come to the right place for support and understanding. And, by the way, don't give up on the possibility of having a family. It is early days yet, and your doctors will be able to tell you more soon after the surgery.

dmc_emmy's picture
Posts: 549
Joined: May 2009

you will hear this said again and again. It's true. We may not have the medical credentials, but we sure have learned more than we ever hoped to learn about this unrelentless disease. But, as others have said, not much will be known until after surgery. You will get a pathology report read to you (it may not be a bad idea to get a copy) and you will be given far more info than one person can absorb-so take your husband with you and ask him to take copious notes. Go on the ACS site and look for good questions to ask before going to see you onc.

I made a nuisance out of myself when I first diagnosed, I probably am, to a certain degree, still doing that, by calling my team of drs with questions I thought of after I returned home. If they are a good team, and are there for you, they will not mind.

I can understand scared. When my surgeon carried into my room a little pink pamphlet and told I had bc, I thought my surgeon had gotten me confused with another patient. I, like many of us here, had no history of bc in my family. I, like many of us, had a healthy lifestyle and were careful about what we ate. The thing is, bc is not selective-it will take on anyone. One day, I strongly believe that we will have a cure and our children may not have to experience what we have had to experience.

If it's any reassurance, I knew of a woman who was diagnosed with bc while carrying her child. She waited to have treatment and she was still around years later taking her baby, now a toddler, for a stroller ride.

BC is life changing, no one will argue with you about that one, but it doesn't mean that you have to change your life's plans. You may have to put them on hold for a little while, but this phase of your life (the treatment phase) will be over before you know it and you will be able to continue where you left off.

Here on the boards, we have learned, or are still learning, that bc doesn't have to control your life. It doesn't define who you are as a person. Stand up and fight this, Nadca, we will fight with you. Your husband will fight alongside you, too.

Keep us posted, we will walk with you every step of the way.

meena1's picture
Posts: 1005
Joined: Oct 2008

I sobbed alot at first, too, I was diagnosed a year ago, and now I am feeling really well. Please stay positive, you will meet alot of friends along the way. I did not take any meds at the time. I tried xanax recently, however, it made me too groggy. My husband was a mess also, i tried to stay calm for him and my kids

Christmas Girl's picture
Christmas Girl
Posts: 3691
Joined: Apr 2009

We're all here to support and encourage each other. Of course you're scared - a cancer diagnosis is terribly frightening! Know that when you're amongst us, you are surrounded by survivors. Try to focus on one step at a time, the next one - at this point for you, surgery. Visit often, whenever you'd like or need to. We'll be here for you, each step of the way.

susie09's picture
Posts: 2933
Joined: Jul 2009

Hi Nadca and welcome. I think everyone else has already said anything I would.

Just wishing you good luck!

♠♣ Susie ♠♣

Subscribe to Comments for "Terrified"