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Depressing Vacation..

jenalynet's picture
jenalynet
Posts: 363
Joined: Nov 2005

Hi everyone,
I took a break from chemo in July and went home to PA. to see my month old grandson..he is just beautiful. I went to Gettysburg Civil war battlefields tour and Washington DC ...etc with my 3 oldest grandchildren which was fantastic..I had called my brother and planned to visit him after my running with the children was over. I received a phone call late Thursday July 9th when we got to our motel saying that he had been in the hospital while I was in DC..I went first thing Friday the 10th to intensive care to see him and he was yellow and on pain meds. Billy was very alert and held my hand saying he was so happy that I was there. He said he should have done more in his life, got a better job and been a better father and husband. I knew then in my mind and heart that he was not leaving that room again and his next travel would be to heaven. We said I love you and I said I'd be down the next day when they would be doing a test on him. I went to talk to his wife in the waiting room and she said he had came to the hospital to have his gaulbladder removed as he had pain in right side and trouble having bowel movements. His gallbladder was cancerous and many lymphnodes.. he has had good health all his life. I stayed longer then went to the motel, I had a phone call at 3:10 AM telling me that I needed to go to the hospital. My brother passed away at 5:59 AM on July 11th, 2009. I see his face when I close my eyes to sleep wondering why he died when I went home to PA. Why then? Was he waiting for me? I tell myself now he is my angel but I still can't find an answer.. He and his wife were very happy, he was an officer for the SPCA. This was not expected and I don't know how to deal with this. He was 65, I will be 58 in Nov and I expected to go to heaven first.. Thanks for listening, Audrey.

kristasplace's picture
kristasplace
Posts: 956
Joined: Oct 2007

I'm so sorry, Audrey. That is just horrible. It's nice that he waited for you, though. I believe in the end when we can no longer choose to live, we can at least choose when we will let go. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family.

Hugs,
Krista

karguy's picture
karguy
Posts: 1024
Joined: Apr 2009

I'm sorry that your brother passed away.I will say some prayers for you,and your family.At least you got to see,and talk to him before he passed.Just keep thinking that he is your angel,and he is watching over you from heaven.God bless

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 6715
Joined: Feb 2009

My thought and prayers are with you. Please look back on the wonderful memories that you shared together more than the last times you saw him as this will help with the healing process. I'm sure he went to heaven.

Kim

nudgie's picture
nudgie
Posts: 1482
Joined: Sep 2006

I am sorry for your loss, but like you said he is now in heaven looking down over his family with open arms. Finding the answer of why things happened this way may not happen, but remember there is a reason behind every event in life and sometimes we will never know the reasoning behind it all.

dianetavegia's picture
dianetavegia
Posts: 1953
Joined: Mar 2009

I'm so sorry for your loss. What a blessing, tho, that you were able to be there to see him before this happened. You're a year younger than me. My only sibling/ brother died at 53, 2 1/2 years ago. It doesn't seem right, does it?

Praying for you and the family during this time,
Diane

betina61's picture
betina61
Posts: 644
Joined: Aug 2006

I am very sorry to hear the news,but at least you have the confort that you could be with him the night before,and he was happy for that, I'll pray for him and all of your family.

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1171
Joined: May 2008

You and your family are in my prayers take care

michelle

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

Hi Audrey

My heart is saddened by reading your story and I feel the pain emanting from your post. Words are all any of us have to offer someone during times like these, even though we wish we could take the pain away from you and make it all better.

I want to pass along my sincerest condolences to you and your family during your time of need. I will pray for you that you find the strength to carry on, and also find the peace that will calm your heart for the coming days ahead.

It's ironic that both he and you knew that the end was coming - maybe he waited for you - stuff like this has happened before. I'm glad that you were able to make the connection and the break with your brother one last time.

I had a sibling, my sister. We were separated by divorce and distance and I grew up with my Dad and she stayed with my Mom. Our whole childhoods went by and we did not get to see each other until she became a young adult, about 17. We saw each other some briefly and went to a couple of movies. Those were my last memories of her.

I lost my sister back in 1986 - she was tragically murdered 2 weeks before her prom. So, I understand the loss of a sibling all too well.

I just want you to know that I'm sorry for your loss and I do understand your pain. Time does not heal all wounds but it makes it more bearable as we have to keep our feet moving. They would want it that way for us.

All my best to you
-Craig

KathiM's picture
KathiM
Posts: 8077
Joined: Aug 2005

It could very well be that you needed to say goodbye....I'm so glad you had the opportunity!

The lesson we each learned when diagnosed with cancer is that we have limited control over our destiny...such is true for your brother Bill. And, we all need to cherish whatever time we have...because even when I talk to 80-plus year old people, they STILL hope to go on living...

My answer to "Why?" when my daughter died is 'because'. I feel we each have a list of things to do with our lives, and when that list is complete, so are we, and we are honored to go to the next existence. From my experience, the sadness does ease a bit, as time goes on, and I just remember and hold fast the memories we shared.

I'm wrapping my arms around you right now, dearheart...

Hugs, Kathi

lisa42's picture
lisa42
Posts: 3661
Joined: Jul 2008

Hello,

I'm so sorry you had to tell your brother goodbye while on your trip. Thinking of and praying for you in dealing with the loss of your brother and, of course, for your fight against this cancerous beast.

Take care,
Lisa

jenalynet's picture
jenalynet
Posts: 363
Joined: Nov 2005

Please know how much I appreciate reading your replies and kind thoughts. It makes me feel so good. This is why this site so important to all of us. You are all in my thoughts, Hugs, Audrey.

pluckey's picture
pluckey
Posts: 484
Joined: Jul 2009

Oh Audry,
I am sorry to hear of your brother's passing. So good that you were there with him though.
I will lift prayers for you that your burden of sadness and grief can be healed. We all feel the preciousness of life during these times.

Blessings Audry

Peggy

sallya
Posts: 1
Joined: Jul 2009

Audrey,

I'm so sorry for your loss. It is so hard to lose someone you love. I wish you and your family much strength, love and support through this.

Sally

ittapp's picture
ittapp
Posts: 385
Joined: Jun 2009

I am so sorry to hear of your loss, my prayers are with you! God Bless you, Patti

tootsie1's picture
tootsie1
Posts: 5065
Joined: Feb 2008

Audrey,

I'm so glad you were able to see your brother before he passed away. I do believe he waited for you, so he could have that precious time with you. That's a blessing, but I'm sure you miss him terribly.

I know you enjoyed seeing that new grandson. I'm sure he's precious!

I'll be praying for you, dear.

*hugs*
Gail

kmygil
Posts: 881
Joined: Feb 2007

Audrey, I am so sorry about your brother. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs,
Kirsten

krystle singer's picture
krystle singer
Posts: 109
Joined: Feb 2009

Audrey,
I am so sorry that you lost your brother. When my only sister died I felt that I had lost my best friend. Thank the Lord you had some time with him in the hospital. It seems that people wait to see their loved ones that one more time.
You and your family are in my prayers and thoughts.

God Bless you all,

Sandi

eric38's picture
eric38
Posts: 588
Joined: May 2009

Unfortunately this disease forces us all to deal with issues of mortality all the time. I am sorry it happened to your brother so fast. I don`t know if it is easier to prepare or not. None of it is easy. We cannot always control what happens but we can choose how we handle it, and your brother sounds like he was a champion on earth and will be an angel in heaven. I think what we do with our lives is not as important as how we impact those around us and your brother obviously made a big impact. It sounds like he loved his family and was well loved by others. That is all anybody can ask for.

Eric

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