My Mother's Cancer is Everywhere...I think I am heart broken

Lisa13Q · August 2009

We met my mother's surgeon today, and although I liked him personally, I hated his news. Apparently they like to "debulk" first and then do chemo. The reason they are doing chemo on my mother first is that the cancer is everywhere in her abdomen and around the small intestine; and he doesn't think he could get it all at this time. This also means that he will not only have to de bulk her but perform a re-section of her intestine. It's also up against the liver, not in it. "There are tumors everywhere". When he left she was crying and I didn't know what to say, so I just hugged her. She did ask the surgeon if she was going to live through this and he said "yes" adamantly. But I don't know. My sister was trying so hard to be positive, but mentioned a "bag" to me privately. Frankly, my spirit sunk. I think the oncologist was not as forthcoming last week as she might have been. I have no idea what this all really means except that it's going to be hell for my mother. I am so sad. She made me leave tonight and come back to MN. So here I am with my spouse, feeling completely powerless. I did call her and say that if she didn't want the surgery, then I could totally support that. She relayed that she is determined to do it. I am afraid she would never recover from such a major ordeal. Overall, I would have to say that the past 10 days have truly sucked!! And that is from the bottom of my heartbroken little heart.

I thought about you all on this board during my plane ride home. I couldn't wait to make contact with all of you who are out there in the web somewhere fighting your own battles. Please know that you have many loved ones who care so much about you. Thanks for being here and please pray for my mother tonight. Thanks, Lisa

BrittanyC · August 2009

The surgeon that did my
The surgeon that did my mom's surgery said he couldn't even do a debulking - the cancer was everywhere in my mom. That was devastating news for me to hear. I felt like the world was ending.

Before my mom had surgery, like a few days before, the doctor had discussed having a bag also. My grandpa had that. It is either temporary or permanent. It depends on the situation.

I don't understand how your mom feels, but I can tell you this - she wants to live. She is determined to fight for her life.

If you are unsure, ask questions. ASK LOTS of questions! I had a notepad and would ask questions to every person that walked into the room to help my mom. It helped me be informed with everything that was going on.

I felt hopeless as well.. but there is not much that we can do. The only thing we can do is to be there for our mothers.

the human body is amazing and is very capable of miracles.

Your mother will be in my thoughts

BonnieR · August 2009

Prayers for you all
Dear Lisa,

I am sending lots of hugs your way along with the prayers. Oh how I still remember the day I met my gyn/onc and to hear the news the cancer is everywhere, the tears we shed. But Randy reminded me after we left one of the things the dr said. "You will survive ~ we can beat this". He thought I would end up with a bag too, lots of people do and some are permanent and some not. People live with a bag, lots of people do ~ think of those with colon cancer. I know you will hear from others that had chemo first then surgery, our Saundra here is one of them. Sometimes they need to shrink the tumors a bit to make sure they get everything.

I am so glad you are here, maybe you would like to give your mom this site also for support.

Sending you buckets and buckets of hugs ♥ prayers and my verse that got me through the surgery and chemo from Isaiah 43

Bonnie

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;

saundra · August 2009

Me too
Lisa, I had multiple 2.5 cm tumors all over including three inoperatable ones in my liver. I took 4 doses of Taxol+Carboplatin and that shrunk them all to less than half that size and lowered my CA125 from 2999 to 35. Then I did the surgery which got everything over 1/2 cm and 4 more doses of chemo at which point my CA125 was 4. This started in March of 2007. I am still here and kicking.

This can be treated as a chronic disease and we can live many years. I am soon to be 71 years old and though it is a major ordeal, it is worth the fight as far as I am concerned.

My three kids also were heartbroken. We have now all adjusted and I know they support me although they live great distances from me. My husband has been my caregiver when I feel too bad to do much. And I have a great support group of friends that help when I need it.

Basically, this is not as bad as it first appears. In two months things will seem different to you and your mother.
(((HUGS and PRAYERS))
Saundra

Cindy54 · August 2009

saundra said:
Me too
Lisa, I had multiple 2.5 cm tumors all over including three inoperatable ones in my liver. I took 4 doses of Taxol+Carboplatin and that shrunk them all to less than half that size and lowered my CA125 from 2999 to 35. Then I did the surgery which got everything over 1/2 cm and 4 more doses of chemo at which point my CA125 was 4. This started in March of 2007. I am still here and kicking.

This can be treated as a chronic disease and we can live many years. I am soon to be 71 years old and though it is a major ordeal, it is worth the fight as far as I am concerned.

My three kids also were heartbroken. We have now all adjusted and I know they support me although they live great distances from me. My husband has been my caregiver when I feel too bad to do much. And I have a great support group of friends that help when I need it.

Basically, this is not as bad as it first appears. In two months things will seem different to you and your mother.
(((HUGS and PRAYERS))
Saundra

For Lisa
Lisa, I think your Mom is determined to fight. Listen to some of the ladies here who have been through this...they have a lot of wisdom and hope.

My Mom had her surgery at age 89. The doctors did not think it would be good either. In fact the surgery was over 7 hours. The gyno wanted to close my Mom back up after seeing all the cancer inside her. The onco said to keep going. In all she had a complete hysterectomy, a major resection of the intestines that left her with a "bag", lots of biopsies, and removal of part of her liver. I think it is amazing that at her age she survived the surgery and kept going for another 18 months. Eventually her age got to be the deciding factor and her heart gave out. I say this not to make you feel like this will happen to your Mom, but to give you hope. If my Mom could go through this at her age and keep fighting, just imagine what your Mom can do. She is so much younger and can have chemo. Never give up, Lisa. Never.Your Mom sounds like a fighter. And I know how hard it is to watch all of this. But if she wants to fight, both of you fight this together. Hugs to you both...Cindy

PS...That her doctor said she would survive this is about the best thing you can hear from a doctor in this situation...it means he is ready to fight also. The chemo will shrink the tumors and then the surgery will get what is left out. Keep believing.

ladyjogger31 · August 2009

Hugs and Prayers
Hi, you received the BEST advice from these women. I’m just chiming in with the rest and I know your Mom will be a fighter. Sending positive thoughts your way and lots of hugs and prayers.
Love, Terry

jane65 · August 2009

Lisa
Dear Lisa,
I'm so sorry about Mom's diagnosis and of course we all understand your sadness and fear for your dear Mom.

Thankfully, and you must have a positive attitude for her treatment, the doctor does have a plan to treat her cancer.

For her sake, don't try to discourage her from the surgery. Of course the chemo and surgery will be a very tough time for her, and you and your sister.

She deserves a chance to fight this disease as hard as she can and I know many women who have chemo before the surgery.

My treatment was the surgery first, then chemo and that was my doctors decision for the best way to deal with my case.

Her doctor would not suggest surgery if he didn't have confidence that she'll pull through, they don't do surgery if they're not comfortable with the decision.

You must trust her doctor, he's been trained to treat cancer and has been doing it for many years.

Best of luck to Mom, keep us up to date, and take care of yourself. She needs you to be strong.

Jane

Lisa13Q · August 2009

jane65 said:
Lisa
Dear Lisa,
I'm so sorry about Mom's diagnosis and of course we all understand your sadness and fear for your dear Mom.

Thankfully, and you must have a positive attitude for her treatment, the doctor does have a plan to treat her cancer.

For her sake, don't try to discourage her from the surgery. Of course the chemo and surgery will be a very tough time for her, and you and your sister.

She deserves a chance to fight this disease as hard as she can and I know many women who have chemo before the surgery.

My treatment was the surgery first, then chemo and that was my doctors decision for the best way to deal with my case.

Her doctor would not suggest surgery if he didn't have confidence that she'll pull through, they don't do surgery if they're not comfortable with the decision.

You must trust her doctor, he's been trained to treat cancer and has been doing it for many years.

Best of luck to Mom, keep us up to date, and take care of yourself. She needs you to be strong.

Jane

Thanks Jane
You are right. I MUST stay positive. Yesterday was not my best day. I was stunned with the news. Thank God my mother was able to be the one yeesterday to carry the day. I think she knew my sister and I were blown away. AWendy turned red in the examining room, which I have never see before. I am not good at trust and you bring up an excellent point. He was confident enough and honest enough that if he didn't think she could make it through, this man would have said so. They gave her the head of gyn. oncology surgery to do this, sooo he has to be good. I am just frightened for her and me. You all have such great wisdom on this board. I am so thankful I found it. Thanks for your words. Lisa

Lisa13Q · August 2009

BrittanyC said:
The surgeon that did my
The surgeon that did my mom's surgery said he couldn't even do a debulking - the cancer was everywhere in my mom. That was devastating news for me to hear. I felt like the world was ending.

Before my mom had surgery, like a few days before, the doctor had discussed having a bag also. My grandpa had that. It is either temporary or permanent. It depends on the situation.

I don't understand how your mom feels, but I can tell you this - she wants to live. She is determined to fight for her life.

If you are unsure, ask questions. ASK LOTS of questions! I had a notepad and would ask questions to every person that walked into the room to help my mom. It helped me be informed with everything that was going on.

I felt hopeless as well.. but there is not much that we can do. The only thing we can do is to be there for our mothers.

the human body is amazing and is very capable of miracles.

Your mother will be in my thoughts

Thanks Brittany
You are so positive. Your mother is lucky to have you. I hope I can be as much of a support for my mother as you are for yours!

Lisa13Q · August 2009

BonnieR said:
Prayers for you all
Dear Lisa,

I am sending lots of hugs your way along with the prayers. Oh how I still remember the day I met my gyn/onc and to hear the news the cancer is everywhere, the tears we shed. But Randy reminded me after we left one of the things the dr said. "You will survive ~ we can beat this". He thought I would end up with a bag too, lots of people do and some are permanent and some not. People live with a bag, lots of people do ~ think of those with colon cancer. I know you will hear from others that had chemo first then surgery, our Saundra here is one of them. Sometimes they need to shrink the tumors a bit to make sure they get everything.

I am so glad you are here, maybe you would like to give your mom this site also for support.

Sending you buckets and buckets of hugs ♥ prayers and my verse that got me through the surgery and chemo from Isaiah 43

Bonnie

"Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;

You're the best
I always love your responses to me. you are wise, and a vwesasel of God. Thanks

Lisa13Q · August 2009

saundra said:
Me too
Lisa, I had multiple 2.5 cm tumors all over including three inoperatable ones in my liver. I took 4 doses of Taxol+Carboplatin and that shrunk them all to less than half that size and lowered my CA125 from 2999 to 35. Then I did the surgery which got everything over 1/2 cm and 4 more doses of chemo at which point my CA125 was 4. This started in March of 2007. I am still here and kicking.

This can be treated as a chronic disease and we can live many years. I am soon to be 71 years old and though it is a major ordeal, it is worth the fight as far as I am concerned.

My three kids also were heartbroken. We have now all adjusted and I know they support me although they live great distances from me. My husband has been my caregiver when I feel too bad to do much. And I have a great support group of friends that help when I need it.

Basically, this is not as bad as it first appears. In two months things will seem different to you and your mother.
(((HUGS and PRAYERS))
Saundra

You and my Mother
Thanks for your response, Saundra. After reading many of the posts, I think your situations and my mother's are quite similar.She doesn't have a husband, but she is very determined and her OVCA situation sounds comparable. SO I appreciate your stories of hope. I am going to church tomorrow and going to light a candle for everyone I've met so far on the board!

mopar · August 2009

Lisa13Q said:
Thanks Jane
You are right. I MUST stay positive. Yesterday was not my best day. I was stunned with the news. Thank God my mother was able to be the one yeesterday to carry the day. I think she knew my sister and I were blown away. AWendy turned red in the examining room, which I have never see before. I am not good at trust and you bring up an excellent point. He was confident enough and honest enough that if he didn't think she could make it through, this man would have said so. They gave her the head of gyn. oncology surgery to do this, sooo he has to be good. I am just frightened for her and me. You all have such great wisdom on this board. I am so thankful I found it. Thanks for your words. Lisa

PRAYERS & HUGS
Lisa:

The doctors should be commended for knowing their limitations and handing your Mom over to the best of the best. I know you may still have that fear, but hopefully all the support from this site will be of consolation to you. This is new to all of you, so don't get down on yourself because of those suprise emotions. It happens. Just move forward from that point and do the best you can. It's so wonderful you all have eachother to lean on. We all handle things in different ways, but in times like this it seems like we compliment eachother and give and get what's needed.

LOTS of HUGS AND PRAYERS!
Monika

arbor3 · August 2009

I AM HERE TOO
Hi Lisa

When I was diagnoised with my ovca I had so much cancer in my ometem that my lung cavity was filling with fluid, which the Dr had to drain. My tumor on my overy was the size of a softball, that is how the Dr described it. I had 3 treatments of Taxol-Carbo before surgery. My surgeon said he was able to get most of the cancer and that My tumor had shrunk to the size of a walnut. After surgery I had 3 more treatments of chemo and then CT scan. The small tumors that he could not get had shrunk and my CT was low enough, I did not have to have chemo for 6 mo.

We are all fighters and your mom will get through this. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your mom.

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Dinora

Lisa13Q · August 2009

Thank you for the hope
I have had a terribly sad 2 days and I read your posts and you give me hope which allows me to be supportive to my Mom. SOmeday, maybe I'll get used to this. SAD SAD SAD. I did go to church today and lit candles for everyone I've met on the borad so far. Then there was this really big one and I lit it for all women fighting this awful disease everywhere. Next time it will be for all the loved ones of the women fighting this disease. I'm a tough bird, but this, this has thrown me for a loop. Hugs to you all.

JanQ · August 2009

Lisa13Q said:
Thank you for the hope
I have had a terribly sad 2 days and I read your posts and you give me hope which allows me to be supportive to my Mom. SOmeday, maybe I'll get used to this. SAD SAD SAD. I did go to church today and lit candles for everyone I've met on the borad so far. Then there was this really big one and I lit it for all women fighting this awful disease everywhere. Next time it will be for all the loved ones of the women fighting this disease. I'm a tough bird, but this, this has thrown me for a loop. Hugs to you all.

mother
Lisa, I agree with everything that has been said. There are some amazing women on here and very wise. Everything you are feeling and going through is very normal. You sound pretty tough.
I think when I was told I was in such shock and kind of denial and everyone around me were more upset than I. Make sure your mom knows she can talk to you and tell you how she feels or maybe if she has a good friend(if she doesnt want to scare you)to talk to. You are going to cry, you're going to get back up and then you will cry some more, just make sure you get back up. Church is great and friends and this site. The verse that says I will praise you in the storm, that gets me through so many times, good praise music and just talking to the Lord and telling him about it too.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

God Bless, Jan

Lisa13Q · August 2009

JanQ said:
mother
Lisa, I agree with everything that has been said. There are some amazing women on here and very wise. Everything you are feeling and going through is very normal. You sound pretty tough.
I think when I was told I was in such shock and kind of denial and everyone around me were more upset than I. Make sure your mom knows she can talk to you and tell you how she feels or maybe if she has a good friend(if she doesnt want to scare you)to talk to. You are going to cry, you're going to get back up and then you will cry some more, just make sure you get back up. Church is great and friends and this site. The verse that says I will praise you in the storm, that gets me through so many times, good praise music and just talking to the Lord and telling him about it too.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

God Bless, Jan

Thanks Jan
Thank you Jan. I don't feel tough but I am glad I sound tough. Thw women on here are amazing. I could not have made it this far without them, especially the first night I found out about it. I think I have a new cause.

momspot · August 2009

Hang in there Lisa!
I don't have much to add...because these gals are the best at saying what needs to be said. But the fact that you found this board, you ask questions, and listen to the answers all mean that you are doing everything you can to make yourself more helpful to your mom. I hope my children will be as resourceful as you are if they need to be!

We just found out a week ago friday that my grandmother has chronic leukemia. She is battling some severe dementia and so the decision to try chemo or not has been left up to her children (my mom, aunts and uncles). While that is a different kind of cancer...and one that you can actually live with for awhile we were all devastated. 7 years ago my grandfather was told by his surgeon that he had cancer in five places in his body and had 3 months to live. He refused chemo, took a little radiation therapy, continued to eat bacon every morning, smoke a pack of cigarettes, and drink a six pack every day. All the while telling everyone that the doctors were crazy...he didn't have cancer. He lived for 3 more years. And the cancer didn't even get him in the end...an inoperable anuerysm in his stomach burst. He died peacefully in his sleep. I guess my point is...that medicine is not an exact science and no one can really know for sure what the outcome will be. Strange things and blessed things happen all the time. So keep you spirits up and think positive. Your mom sounds like a fighter!

And one question to everyone else...you all said your surgeons told you about the tumors...weren't they visible on ct scans? Didn't they know about them going into the surgery?

momspot

Lisa13Q · August 2009

Thanks to Momspot
Thanks for the encouraging words. As far as the tunmors on the CT scan, they were there, but the oncologist (per my mother's request) only told her what she needed to know. I had seen the CT scans so knew some of the bad news, but was myself unaware of the tumor on the small intestine. Also, I saw the liver was clear and was ecstatic. Little did I know that this OVCA does not really go there but goes to the bowels. I alos think this process happened so fast we were all in a bit of denial and did not want it to be so bad. So I gues we have the surgeon to thank for bursting our little bit of that. Anyway she has moved on to the chemo and I regained some equilibrium. I come to this board all the time for hope. And then I just hope some more. Thanks again for your post.

My Mother's Cancer is Everywhere...I think I am heart broken

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