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Feeling Guilty for Being Optimistic - I think I'm crazy and it' only been a week.

Lisa13Q's picture
Posts: 683
Joined: Jul 2009

Ok, I think I am crazy. What a week. First, I am terrified my mother is going to die; and now I am feeling totally optimistic. I read someone's post about abraxene (paxitacil) and that's what my mother is going to get. The oncologist said we were going for a cure. So I sit here tonight and think, "no problem". I'm out of my mind aren't I? Then I feel guilty because I feel so confident blah blah blah. Then I think if I feel too confident that's a bad thing and if I am too pessimistic that's a bad thing. This is crazy. I don't know how you have all done it for so long. I feel guilty also because I can't wait to go home. I won't be seeing my mother through her first few rounds. My sister will. Then I feel guilty because I don't have the disease and shouldn't even be sharing with everyone here because it's your column, and I'm healthy, what right do I even have to be here? The oncologist did say they thought her OVCA was genetic, which gives me the probability of getting it and I didn't even seem to care. Yet, I am checking this board 3 times a day at least. I wonder how I would have made it through this week without it. I hope this is normal for week 1. I really hope it's ok to be here too.

Anyway, prayers and hugs to you all. Thanks for everyone's posting. When i return to MN I will upload my picture! I really hope you don't mind if I come everyday and check in and just share. It has helped so much already. Thanks. LisaQ

BrittanyC's picture
Posts: 101
Joined: Jul 2009

Ever since I have joined this board, I check it at least once or twice a day. I may not post anything, but I always check up on it.

There is nothing wrong with being optimistic. My mother is the survivor and she keeps optimistic. It was hard for me the first 2 months, but I am beginning to feel optimistic.

Your strength shines and when your mother sees it, it will make her happy and strong. She will feel your strength and it will help her overcome many things :)

In the near future, I would recommend getting regular CA-125 or scans done. I have heard that birth control can cut ovarian cancer % rates. I am scared myself, but if I can prevent it, I will do my best!

BonnieR's picture
Posts: 1549
Joined: Jan 2004

Dear Lisa, I am so glad to hear you have reached an optimistic place ~ it is a very good place to be. I am on Abraxane and after 2 treatments it has shown good results so I also am optimistic. :-) Sending buckets of teal hugs your way Bonnie

Posts: 48
Joined: Jul 2009

Lisa.... I got on here today feeling very down. Today would've been my 29th wedding anniversary. My husband passed 2 yrs ago, so it is a bittersweet day when I take into consideration where my life is at right now. But you have infected me with your optimism- I really cannot stand it when I get so down! I don't know what abraxene is- I'm only 2 treatments into this- but it definitely sounds like a good thing! I say take your optimism & run with it!! It is definitely good for you & for your Mom. Prayers & hugs to you & Thanks for the 'uplift'!! Beth

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