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people don't understand

WinneyPooh's picture
WinneyPooh
Posts: 318
Joined: Jul 2009

Krista, This is long your topic of extreme pooh problems, Why is it no one understands. I had to leave work the other day because of constipation,( my boss just looked at me like i was lazy) my back hurt so bad i could not sit at my desk any longer, and then other days i go to the bathroom which is only a few feet from desk thank god, and my office mates make comments like "is it safe for anyone else in there".
Also When I am working in the work shop with my husband and i gotta go right away, I will have to hope he is at a point where i can just leave and it won't cause a serious accident( we are metal artist).

I am a recent DX of this cancer and only two chemos in and no surgeries yet but I will go nuts if this pooh problems gets worse , the other day i had to throw my pants away, I could not get the smell out even ather two washes.

Also anyone out there dealing with Sex, I don't want to hurt my husbands feelings anymore but i really don't enjoy it anymore and i don't feel like i can fake enjoyment when it hurts all down there all the time.

What is he suppose to do about his desires when i don't have any?

Winney

PhillieG's picture
PhillieG
Posts: 4906
Joined: May 2005

They never cease to amaze me with their cruel and ignorant comments. They only way some would understand is if they were in your shoes. The constipation can get bad, try to drink a lot of water, take collace, senecote and see if your doctor can suggest anything else for you.
As far as the sex goes, sometimes I'm not into either and it becomes a touchy subject that there is no touchy feely going on. I think he will have to take his own desires into his "own hands". Sorry, I don't know how else to phrase it. I'm sure it worked for him as a teenager and he probably didn't go blind.
-p

eric38's picture
eric38
Posts: 588
Joined: May 2009

People do not understand and sometimes they even make insensitive comments with the best of intentions and other times they just make insensitive comments because they are insensitive. Noone can really understand what we go through unless they are there and noone likes to think about being in our position so they sugar coat it and have the thank God it`s not me mentality. Sometimes it can be very lonely but that is what we are here for.

Eric

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

Hi Winnie

You are not alone in your feelings and situation. After my rectum surgery, the next 2 years were full of surprises and having to leave from work, or not being able to come into work due to all kinds of issues. Even 5 years later, "things" can still happen. You just take it as it comes and over time after surgery, things will develop and you will have what is called "the new normal." You just take it one thing at a time.

People are clods as Phil was saying - I've been at a company for 20+ years and things have been said about me for all types of things. The main thing is that your boss knows what is going on and what needs to be done - and then forget about the others. As Eric said so wisely, if it's not me - whew not my problem.

As for the intimate part of it, again I think Phil hit that one out of the park - if your husband is sensitive, he knows you are hurting and nothing good comes out of that. So he will have to make do until things can change. There's more to life than that anyway, the older you get the more you see that. It's nice, but not really a deal breaker.

You are brave and strong and will get throught this. Thank you for your post and having the courage to talk about this. I think it can be very helpful.

Take care and look forward to hearing from you again.

-Craig

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krystle singer's picture
krystle singer
Posts: 109
Joined: Feb 2009

As a recent colon cancer survivor, I so undeestand what you are going through. I am retired, but I still have to go out into the world and people wonder why I'm so bathroom conscious. Most of my true friends never ask and are wonderful and supportive. Why people would think a bathroom would NOT be safe after you use it...I am really angry about that. Have they heard or learned nothing about cancer?
Thanks for mentioning sex. I wish I felt like pleasing my husband, but I just don't feel like it yet. Touchy (no pun intended) subject, but one which needs addressing.

Hope you get some relief soon and too bad about the uneducated in your workplace. They need to get over themselves!

Take care, hugs,
Sandi

WinneyPooh's picture
WinneyPooh
Posts: 318
Joined: Jul 2009

On friday a coworker asked if i was getting any? (like this is ever his business), (he is an elf like JA of a man who i wish would fallhead first into a pool of raw sewage).

I told him to shove a greatfruit up his *** and see if he felt like getting some. (looking back i wish i had't said that but it just came out).

also on friday i yelled at a diver in another car because he did a stupid thing, it really made me mad.

This group ( this discussion board helps me ) but i have got to re figure my anger. redirect my hurt, find ways to express myself so other understand how hard this is to cope with.

We look normal on the outside, but on the inside our bodies are behaving very badly, I feel like i want to wake up and this all be a dream.

Most of you are in stages in this cancer i can't even imagine being there, I can't imagine surgery and how bad that is, or the chemo and radition, lasting for years and the cancer coming back, or even being NED when will that be.

Please stick with me i need to vent, talk, cry and pray with you all.

Hugs and thanks
Winney

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krystle singer's picture
krystle singer
Posts: 109
Joined: Feb 2009

I love it! We should all send you grapefruit and you can have one handy in case of crass comments! Maybe your will learn to keep his mouth shut! Don't feel too bad about the anger.
I am fairly sure it isn't uncommon for cancer survivors or those with current cancer feel fear, rage, anger and many, many other emotions. You sound like a real sweetheart...coworker was at fault and you found a funny way to talk back.

I'm here for you, we are all here for you and each other! Personally, I am one of those people who just stick like super glue once I find a friend.

Friends, Winney?

Prayrs and Hugs,
Sandi

krystle singer's picture
krystle singer
Posts: 109
Joined: Feb 2009

I love it! We should all send you grapefruit and you can have one handy in case of crass comments! Maybe your will learn to keep his mouth shut! Don't feel too bad about the anger.
I am fairly sure it isn't uncommon for cancer survivors or those with current cancer feel fear, rage, anger and many, many other emotions. You sound like a real sweetheart...coworker was at fault and you found a funny way to talk back.

I'm here for you, we are all here for you and each other! Personally, I am one of those people who just stick like super glue once I find a friend.

Friends, Winney?

Prayrs and Hugs,
Sandi

kristasplace's picture
kristasplace
Posts: 956
Joined: Oct 2007

I have to tell you, i can relate! I'm so lucky that my boyfriend is not a real sexual person. He can take sex, or leave it for long periods of time. This has helped me tremendously because i haven't had a libido for over two years now! I would sit down with your hubby and discuss it with him. Just so you both know how you feel, and how to deal with the situation. I hope there aren't any young kids that read this stuff, but i'll try not to get too graphic with the issue! I'm sure you know there are other things you can do besides sex. I know you probably don't feel much like that either right now, but later on, you might.

The poo thing...I don't know how you can work around other PEOPLE with this disease??? I know how terribly embarrassing the events are just around my friends and family, i couldn't imagine having to face the world with it! And the people you are surrounded with at work sound like real jerks! No, they can't understand, and they won't understand until they themselves are faced with it either on their own body's, or a loved ones. You need to ditch that stressful environment any way you can!

Are you doing preadjuvant chemo/rads right now? I remember when i was doing mine, the tumor was still in me, and still causing severe blockage and pain. If i'd known then, what i know now, i would've insisted on stents being put in. Have you talked to your docs about those?

Also, are you going on an ostomy after surgery?

Hang in there, Winney! I'm totally with you!

Hugs,
Krista

I just have to add that i laughed my *** off at your last post! The grapefruit comment was classic! And he deserved it!

I think directing your anger where it's best suited isn't neccessarily a bad thing. Maybe not yelling at drivers, but definitely to someone who's a complete ignoramous!

idlehunters's picture
idlehunters
Posts: 1792
Joined: Apr 2009

omg Phil..... you are soooooo funny....LMAO. Anywho, I don't have strong desires to be the one to say "hey baby, come on" but when it does get going I am glad. I have noticed that ... oh my.... how do I say this.... my vaginal canal is shrinking. I asked my onc. about it and he said it could be a chemo side effect.. WHAT.... praise God that I got a good one....lol. My husband is really in heaven as well. If you are having any pain why not try some KY? It couldn't hurt. Good luck

Jennie

kmygil
Posts: 881
Joined: Feb 2007

Ah, the great body functions. I hear you loud & clear. At work (before the layoff), I just announced to everyone that I was going to obey my colon's demands and not minimize the pooh business. I refuse to abuse the colon any more by holding it in or delaying to the point of constipation. When I entered the restroom I announced loudly that I was about to make rude noises and kill cockroaches. Most folks enjoyed the humor and cleared out if they could not take it. Others found it gross, but at least I gave them fair warning.... As for sex, well it is not enjoyable to me any more since menopause and then the hysterectomy. I also tend to fart a lot during sex. So, my husband spent a couple of years complaining about it, but he finally realized that it was uncomfortable to the point of pain for me and has "resigned" himself to no sex. I don't miss it, but I feel bad for him. Is this where we permit concubines? No, seriously....

Hugs,
Kirsten

kristasplace's picture
kristasplace
Posts: 956
Joined: Oct 2007

Kirsten, your concubinie comment cracked me up!

I think most of the men in this situation eventually resign themselves to not getting any. My boyfriend says he's "used to it", and he NEVER tries. Even when i'm feeling better, and i suggest it, he doesn't seem that interested. We're getting ready to get engaged finally after nearly four years together, and it seems strange to me that we're already like an old married couple! What on Earth is our honeymoon going to be like?? Romance without sex? I probably shouldn't worry too much about it since i don't know if i'll even be up to going anywhere romantic.

I used to think sex was one of the most important aspects of a relationship, but it truly seems to uncomplicate things. I don't know if my boyfriend feels the same way. I think our partners are more happy that we're alive and with them. After all, they're the ones that get the up close and personal view of what suffering this cancer causes. I just had a major deja vu! I have to stop taking that oxycodone!!

Many hugs,
Krista

krystle singer's picture
krystle singer
Posts: 109
Joined: Feb 2009

Kristen,
Good for you ! Tell'em like it is! Maybe we need a thread on farting. It is one of my favorite pastimes. I adore my husband, but sex is just out of the question right now. He is soooo sweet and thoughtful. Well, maybe somewhere down the road we'll get back to it. Prayers for everyone who is having problems.

Hugs, Sandi

tiny one
Posts: 467
Joined: Jan 2009

I'm still having alot of bathroom problems from my reversal. That was done Dec 21, 2007. Now the other side effect, I have rectal narrowing and vaginal shortening. I am no longer able to have intimacy. It is to painful. My husband has been so supportive of me. I was told to use vagifem and a dialator. The frequency issues and pain that I have pretty frequent make this the last thing on my mind that I want to do. I don't have much sex drive anymore. I miss this part of me, I'm only 51 I should be enjoying this alot at this stage in my life. There are many different things a couple can do to be intimate and still be close.

nudgie's picture
nudgie
Posts: 1483
Joined: Sep 2006

Pooh issues: I was totally consitpated throughout my teen and young adult life. Was DX at 42 in 2006 with Stage II colon cancer. Had emergency surgery, chemo and resection surgery. Dring that time I had a temp ostomy and you talk about poohing anytime and passing gas, boy it was uncontrollable. There were times I would be shopping and the connection of the bag and filter would break, so I would have to run out of the store. Times I would pass gas with NO control and I just laughed. When it comes to employees, I had to deal with 100 questions, looks while in the bathroom, questions about scars and can they see them, and eventually it all stopped. It might be hard, but try and ignore the ignorant :)

Sex: My husband was very understanding. During chemo treatments we did NOT have relations (close to 6 months). I found other ways to have relations. It's the chemo, the cancer and the DX that works on all of us. Believe it or not, your husband would understand.

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