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nasnnannnnn

vietnamvetwife68
Posts: 9
Joined: Mar 2009

nasophargeal cancer that has spread to the lung............My husband has been diagnosed for the third time with this terrible disease...He has radiation alone the first time, then the second time he had radiation again 5x a week with 1 day of chemo...This time around he took chemo 3x times then decided to quit after he wound up in the hospital with fluid in the lung so they did a pleural effusion where they seal the lung..well this is working still after almost a month. But in the time of recovery for him he has dedcided not to receive anymore chemo. His family doctor not his onocologist told us he has maybe six months, but his onocologist said no, and he does not need to call hospice at this time. Anyways he listened to the family doctor and not the onocologist and now he doesn't eat or do anything but lay around and sleep or watch tv...I know he is depressed but he is very angry with me for trying to push "food" on himm.. What do I do,,,where do we turn to for help..............thanks

soccerfreaks's picture
soccerfreaks
Posts: 2801
Joined: Sep 2006

Check out a guy named HAWVET who hangs around the Head/Neck Cancer discussion board. He is a vietnam vet who seeks to provide assistance to others who were in that war and have since suffered cancers.

Beyond that, you have a very tough job with a guy that appears to be very hard-headed.

Clearly, I am speaking from way out in leftfield, as I do not know the dynamics of his disease, and I do not know the dynamics of your relationship, but, just based on your post, I would advise that you continue to harp on him, and that you suggest the following:

1) Do you want cancer to beat you?

2) Do you want Vietnam to beat you?

That is, I would appeal to the very tough guy thinking that has him wanting to pack it all in, and hope that it works.

Since OncoMan is apparently NOT thinking that six months is the end of the road, I would encourage hub to go with him, since he is the expert (rather than GP, whose intentions might be good but who is not qualified to make the assessment he made and probably needs a swift kick in the butt in that regard...just saying).

Your husband is clearly in the throes of depression, understandably so. I was once told I had 10 months to live (minimally, he also advised, which is true, of course :)). I, too, was rather abject. Everything I did, I thought, "This might be the last time." How foolish I later thought myself, when that diagnosis was overturned.

Still, it was a depressing time and I understand where your hub is coming from.

Yet, still again, if OncoMan has hope, and if you have hope, then hub needs to have hope too.

He's clearly fought before. It is time to fight again.

This will not be much help, especially if he is hard-headed, as I suspect he is, and if he knows everything, as I suspect he does.

I can only tell you, and him, that there are lots of examples in this joint, women in particular, but men as well, of people who decided that cancer would not kick their butts without a fight and proved themselves right.

Best wishes to your husband and his family and friends, yourself in particular.

Take care,

Joe

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