My boyfriend has leukemia...I'm struggling

dgrasso
dgrasso Member Posts: 1
edited March 2014 in Caregivers #1
Hi All. My boyfriend was diagnosed with ALL(Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia) back in Sept 2008. It has been such an uphill battle since then. I have had such a hard time putting our relationship on the side and worrying about him him him! I feel like I can no longer come to him with my problems, my wants, my needs because he is handling too much and if I give him anymore to handle and deal with he will break down and die. He tells me all the time that he can't handle some of the stress I give him. To make it worse we are in a long distance relationship. We have been for 3 years, we have made it work but now it is getting harder because he is sick. I try to get up to see him as much as I can. He will be receiving a bone marrow transplant soon and I am so worried it will hurt our relationship more. Am I being selfish? I feel like he is always in and out of the hospital, with infections, getting platelets and blood,labs and more. I also feel like he is always drugged up on Morphine, Adavan, Zofran etc. and he can never focus on anything we are talking about. I don't know what to do. I love him very much, but it is hurting me knowing our relationship is on hold. I want to be there for him, but he is always angry. He always sleeps and I just feel like there is never time for us. Help please!

Comments

  • gthufford
    gthufford Member Posts: 34
    #2
    dgrasso - he does need you
    Hi there,

    I am a caregiver who has made a ton of mistakes, mostly out of being selfish. dgrasso - I feel your frustration and your pain, and I think that I know where it comes from, which is a love for the person that you have known until now. The hardest part of this, which may not be easy to hear, is that your partner has changed, and will continue to change through this journey, and you may feel left behind. As a caregiver - I know how much this hurts.

    All I can tell you is that your boyfriend's needs have to come first for now, and probably for a long time to come. You have to decide if this is OK with you. My relationship is on the verge of divorce because I have not been able to handle this very well. If I could go back in time, I would focus 100% on my wife's needs, and just know that I can do anything for the person that I love. As it is, the school of hard knocks was hard enough to really wound my wife, who may never forgive me.

    That having been said, we all also know that this time is extremely hard for you, and that you need support. You will hear a lot about taking care of yourself from the responses you get from this post, and it is so true. You are on your own painful journey through this disease, and you are important. However, your healing cannot (I can not emphasize this enough) impact your boyfriend's journey. When you are with your boyfriend, 100% of your attention needs to be on him. When you are not with him, lean on your friends and other support (which can include this site) to get what you need.

    The fact that you are even posting about this shows that your heart is in the right place.

    Also, know that you are not alone. Also, please know that while we have never met you, we care about you and want you to succeed in your relationship - whatever that means to you.

    Hang in there!!!
  • Bobshope
    Bobshope Member Posts: 20
    #3
    Hi D
    As a married man I can tell you my wife and I gave a promise to love and cherish in sickness and in health. And for me it has been the hardest thing I have ever done to continue being a caregiver. The only way to make this commitment is whole heartedly. You have been doing this for less than a year and it will only get harder. The idea of giving everything to a partner is very difficult as you read in these posts. Being in a long distance relationship is hard enough without the illness. For a relationship to grow and take root, I know you need your time together and if all you are getting out of the relationship is pain and heartache, you are the only one that can make the decision to go or stay. I don't feel you are selfish. Does he have any family or close friends he can lean on? I know this will sound cruel but you have to take care of yourself first or else you will become angry and bitter about life and it will effect everything around you. Do what you think is right and don't be afraid as we are in the same place, looking for answers.

    Bobshope

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