Tomorrow... T meets Dr. Onco

taleena · June 2009

Well, tomorrow at 3:30 (that would be central time) it will be T meet Dr. Onco.. how do I feel about this? Aprehensive, pensive, anxious.... let's see.... no, ... no... and nope.

What's wrong with me? For two days I couldn't quit crying, since May 20th I've been terrified, scared, sad, pis**d off, over whelmed, I was anxious, fearful, pretty much going nuts... now.. well.. I don't think I feel anything.. it's like... "Yeah, I have a dentist appointment tomorrow.." Pretty much the same feeling... (like getting your teeth cleaned... not a root canal..lol)

I'm frustrated because I still hurt from the surgery... isn't two weeks the max limit anyone should hurt after a surgery?? Isn't it written down in some medical book somewhere.. like a rule.."Two week limit on pain and suffering for all surgeries".. well, if it's not it should be!!

I see where everyone says "write a list with all of your questions and take it with you"... do I have my list ready??? Nope.. not really sure I have any questions... I thought I would, I even sat down to try to write some.. nothing came to me... and we all know up until now, I inundated everyone here with loads of questions.. now.. not one.

It's almost like it really isn't happening.. someone please tell me that I am not going crazy, that I am not in denial.. I'm really not in denial...at least I don't think so...

Is it normal to go from scared to death to feeling nothing... and which directions will my moods swing after tomorrow.. will it hit me again?? Oh gosh.. for you guys I sure hope not..
Then all those "Daft Sods" WILL be calling me Cybil!

Shouldn't I be feeling something??

Hugs, Love & Friendship...

~T

Kat11 · June 2009

I know, this is not easy. I
I know, this is not easy. I did it, you can do it to. Your right about the surgery and still hurting, its really tuff. Your going to be fine, and were here for you. When your not so fine, were here for you. Post when you can and let us know how it went. I will be wig shopping, but I will be thinking about you. Hang in there

arbojenn · June 2009

Thinking of you
I think your "feeling nothing" is your body's way of dealing with the stress. The whole time I was being treated for my original cancer, I felt like I was living outside my body and moved back when treatment was over. You are right: it DOES feel surreal at times! Will you let us know how it goes at the visit? Somebody posted the url for a ready made list of what to ask when you see your doctors. I will try to find it. I think it would be a good idea to take that with you. The shock sometimes makes our brains forget! Make sure you mention that you are still feeling pain.

Back to edit this to note that it was Jeanne D who let us know the list of questions in on this Cancer Survivers Network site.

kiley40 · June 2009

Stress
Yeah T
You are normal! Not crazy! Maybe after going through all those stages of denial you finally hit acceptance. But you can go through those stages again... I haven't woke up from the nightmare yet.
When I can keep my brain busy I am fine. My pain killers get me zoned where I don't have energy to do anyting to keep busy.
I tend to be more emotional around my cycle but I was told that menapause is comming. I cried for 2 days about everything. Everyone made me cry!
I had the tram flap and the recover for it is 5-6 weeks. Then I had a lymphectomy and now my arm is kill me. I have a skin graph comming this Wednesday... Yes surgery hurts!!!
Take care! Hugs!

Jeanne D · June 2009

kiley40 said:
Stress
Yeah T
You are normal! Not crazy! Maybe after going through all those stages of denial you finally hit acceptance. But you can go through those stages again... I haven't woke up from the nightmare yet.
When I can keep my brain busy I am fine. My pain killers get me zoned where I don't have energy to do anyting to keep busy.
I tend to be more emotional around my cycle but I was told that menapause is comming. I cried for 2 days about everything. Everyone made me cry!
I had the tram flap and the recover for it is 5-6 weeks. Then I had a lymphectomy and now my arm is kill me. I have a skin graph comming this Wednesday... Yes surgery hurts!!!
Take care! Hugs!

Taleena
Taleena, just know that the feelings that you are having are very

normal. We all go thru and are still going thru a blender of emotions. Unfortunately, it

comes along with having a diagnosis of bc. There seems to be no way to avoid it. You just

have to "go with the flow". Take it one day at a time and don't expect too much of

yourself. Try to relax and don't try to put yourself into a mold of what you should be

doing, or, how you should be acting. Just do what you want and feel what you want, and, only

you. I wish you good luck tomorrow at your appointment with your oncologist. There are a

list of questions on this site if you want to take a look at them. Also, the Susan B. Komen

site has some too. Take someone with you, that is important. And, let us know what you find

out!

Hugs, Jeanne

RE · June 2009

Not a thing.
Nothing is wrong with you, not a thing! All the emotions you mention are similar to the ones I have had, it seems our emotions run a coarse so we can cope. It may happen again it is a roller coaster. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow, keep us posted on how it goes.

Hugs,

RE

aurora2009 · June 2009

RE said:
Not a thing.
Nothing is wrong with you, not a thing! All the emotions you mention are similar to the ones I have had, it seems our emotions run a coarse so we can cope. It may happen again it is a roller coaster. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow, keep us posted on how it goes.

Hugs,

RE

Taleena there's nothing wrong with you
When I read your posts you remind me so much of myself, always there for everyone. I'm sorry your feeling so down and confused right now, but I think it's normal to feel this way. As you've told so may others.... Breathe and take it one step at a time, and know that we're all here for you, you'll get through tomorrow.

God bless you T
Aurora

Akiss4me · June 2009

Daft Sod responding!
Taleena, I know how you feel. I will be in Pittsburg today, but probably will be back before you leave. I too draw a blank at times (and it's not chemo brain!). Sometimes I feel like I've been going through this soo long (and it's only been 6 weeks!!) that it's just another day with just another appointment. I don't know if it's our body giving us a slightly needed break or our brain getting numb. But just when I think I am "in the groove" with all this I seem to "fall off the cart"? Guess that's why they say take it one day at a time. So I think that feeling of "nothing" may be your body saying "whoa, lady, time for a little break". I personally would rather feel nothing than some of the emotions I have already gone through that I rather not repeat. Good luck tomorrow and I will be checking frequently to see how things went with you!!

Pammy

CR1954 · June 2009

T..............
I think that at some point, we reach "emotional overload". Where it's difficult to react to any more stress. I think I'm at that point now, with everything I'm trying to deal with at home.

And I also know that I got to a point in the cancer journey, where I just simply "accepted" what was happening and stopped worrying and calmly did what was necessary.

So no, I don't believe that you are in denial. You know very well what you have come through and you know what you are still facing. Perhaps it is just calm acceptance on your part.

And I hope that your pain from surgery eases very soon. Hang in there.........

Hugs,

CR

outdoorgirl · June 2009

T,
I think CR hit the head on the nail. After all the normal emotions after hearing that you've got cancer,you go into the stage where you accept it and then ask,"Where do I go from here to rid myself of this?!"

jk1952 · June 2009

outdoorgirl said:
T,
I think CR hit the head on the nail. After all the normal emotions after hearing that you've got cancer,you go into the stage where you accept it and then ask,"Where do I go from here to rid myself of this?!"

I agree with CR and

I agree with CR and outdoorgirl. Eventually, you reach a place where there's a sort of acceptance and you actually start feeling better knowing that you're doing everything you can to beat the beast. The Oncologist will help you determine what additional tests and treatments you should have to have the least chance for a recurrence, without being overtreated.

Let us know how you do this afternoon.

Joyce

The1percen · June 2009

Taleena...
I can relate to "numb" and mood swings. I have been waiting for like 2 weeks now and won't find out a diagnosis for another week. As I have read numerous posts, it has become clear that the waiting is the hardest part. So hang in there... (YES, I know that's easier said than done!)vent when you need to... and look forward to life after cancer. You are already a SURVIVOR!
Take Care,
Mike

Alexis F · June 2009

The1percen said:
Taleena...
I can relate to "numb" and mood swings. I have been waiting for like 2 weeks now and won't find out a diagnosis for another week. As I have read numerous posts, it has become clear that the waiting is the hardest part. So hang in there... (YES, I know that's easier said than done!)vent when you need to... and look forward to life after cancer. You are already a SURVIVOR!
Take Care,
Mike

Good luck today Taleena and
Good luck today Taleena and let us know how your doctor's appointment goes.

Tomorrow... T meets Dr. Onco

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